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This Father Got Offended By What His Fiancée Said Right After Giving Birth, And The Internet Is Divided On Whether He's Right Or Not

"He said most 'normal people' would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and take offence to it."

Amy Glover
by Amy Glover

BuzzFeed Staff

In a recent Reddit post shared to r/AITAH (am I the *sshole here), site user u/No-Fee-5823 asked, "AITAH for saying I didn’t realise I could 'love a person this much' in front of my fiancé after having our baby?"

A woman in a hospital bed embraces a newborn baby, smiling and touching foreheads. The room is a typical hospital setting with medical equipment visible
Fatcamera / Getty Images

"I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter. As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes, I said, 'I didn’t realise I could love a person this much' and cried. She is perfect and beautiful," the original poster (OP) wrote.

A person gently kisses the forehead of a baby they are holding close to their chest. The person wears a soft-texture sweater and a ring on their finger
Goodboy Picture Company / Getty Images

Her mother, who was with her at the time, said that that feeling never goes away — which (of course) made OP "ugly-cry." As she says, "It was a really special moment."

An elderly woman and a young woman smile at a newborn baby in the young woman’s arms while a dog looks on attentively
Taiyou Nomachi / Getty Images

At the time, the poster's fiancé — who was also there for the moment — simply smiled and said nothing, she said. But later, when the pair were on their own, he "Privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and my saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him."

A man looks concerned while holding his glasses and sitting on a couch, with a woman in the background appearing upset and holding her head in her hands
Professionalstudioimages / Getty Images

"I just gave him an 'are you f*cking serious' look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again," she added. "I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most 'normal people' would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offence to it due to the implication."

A pregnant person and an individual, both standing back-to-back with hands on their hips, appear to be in a tense situation near a window with sheer curtains
Ponywang / Getty Images

Predictably, people had *thoughts* in the comments. "Ryan Reynolds agrees with you. Parental love is different than the love of a partner. NTA [not the *sshole]," u/Avium explained.

Ryan Reynolds, in a suit and tie, is being interviewed by David Letterman on his talk show set, with cityscape and bridge in the background
NBC

"NTA. I’ve heard both mothers and fathers express a similar sentiment to what you said. The love for a child is unlike anything else," u/offbrandbarbie wrote.

A woman smiles while lying down with an adorable baby, who is touching their face and looking at the camera
Westend61 / Getty Images/Westend61

But Redditors like u/serenerepose think it might be a bit more nuanced. "Both of you can be right," they opined. "Your husband had a different experience [to you]... He's not bonding with the baby yet."

A person cradles a newborn baby in their arms, gently supporting the baby's head and back
Olena Domanytska / Getty Images

"What you're both feeling is valid. That said, he needs to try looking at this from your perspective and your experience for the last nine months. Maybe he needs to try talking to other dads or his dad about it and getting some outside perspective."

"I would like to add that not all mothers bond with their babies right away either and that's normal too. I didn't. It took a while to love my baby," the Redditor said."

"For some new parents, it takes time to bond with their newborn. I've met people that say it took nearly a year... It's possible your partner won't understand the feeling you describe until he is bonded to your child, too. I think he will understand eventually... Just give it some time," u/Nice_Bullfrog_11 wrote.

Smiling baby in a white onesie is held by an adult. Two adults are smiling in the background, slightly out of focus. Names are not known
Halfpoint Images / Getty Images

"I think that a parent's love isn't necessarily stronger than romantic love. And it doesn't need to be. They're different things, and that's fine, really... As I get older and am now beginning to plan life on my own, I can see that there is an entirely different world of love that only adults can share with each other," u/SmellingPaint shared.

A person with curly hair smiles wide as they receive a warm hug from another person with glasses, both appear happy in an outdoor setting
Nicolas Fuentes / Getty Images/500px Prime

OP has since clarified a couple of points about the original post, updating to say that "He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together" and has since agreed he could have expressed himself better. She added the comments under her original post "helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better."

A happy couple, names unknown, smiling at their newborn baby who is resting on the mother's chest
Fatcamera / Getty Images

Shout out to r/AITAH and u/No-Fee-5823 for having this discussion.

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.    

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