39 Of The Absolute Funniest Or The Absolute Most Interesting Tweets From The Last Few Weeks
I need that head glazer side hustle.
Another 14 days have passed, so let's do another round of my favorite tweets, posts on X, or whatever the heck you want to call 'em. Enjoy.
1.
euros telling me wine in a box is weird and trashy meanwhile they’re selling it by the hawaiian-punch https://t.co/pMaUe9VPv0
— harrison 🚋 (@harrisondubay) July 10, 2024
2.
Sounds good. When are we planning to move the territory? https://t.co/o2QezfbgbG
— Ondippulee | ஒண்டிப்புலி (@Ondippulee) July 9, 2024
3.
wish me luck pic.twitter.com/O9FE6dPrml
— michael (@FilledwithUrine) July 9, 2024
4.
Kevin got all his groceries for only $19.83 in 1990 pic.twitter.com/HyO7AojjoL
— Historic Vids (@historyinmemes) July 8, 2024
5.
My mom just sent me the most Texan post-hurricane text ever pic.twitter.com/7HHNuvjrsS
— The Astros Locker (@TheAstrosLocker) July 9, 2024
6.
Real water drinkers know this is too cold. The water has to taste the way a cool breeze on a hot day feels. https://t.co/hurQgu8xdg
— 🧟♂️ (@g4llad) July 8, 2024
7.
Oh hey they made a cereal about you pic.twitter.com/jlvtG7un1f
— Trader Tony (@trader_tony_) July 8, 2024
8.
its so hot i can smell each material my apartment is made of
— Karli Marulli (@karlimarulli) July 8, 2024
9.
You and me. Tomorrow. Poopdown at high noon. pic.twitter.com/CcdmaoCYfm
— ☘️𝕃𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕪 Ƒʉͫcͧкͭιͪηͣ 𝕄𝕔𝔾𝕖𝕖 (@LuckyMcGee) July 9, 2024
10.
you guys will literally miss anything https://t.co/MryFZJEJ4k
— irl girl (@fruktflicka) July 8, 2024
12.
In the '80s and '90s, Al Bundy was considered fat and poor. Let that sink in. pic.twitter.com/VleIb4J1nH
— Chad Crowley (@CCrowley100) July 8, 2024
13.
Love how you can tell it's not American because it isn't nuclear bright fucking orange https://t.co/7jc6EAMYjA
— Vee (@SuperSquidoodle) July 7, 2024
14.
why is she using the long form like it’s a formal email 😭 pic.twitter.com/T3IZAQUCYr
— vi ✰ (@ccloveoml) July 8, 2024
15.
Texans @ Beryl https://t.co/CGom0gdxUs
— emily ! 🚂⚾️🏈🍊 (@emilyuel) July 8, 2024
16.
A #Houston man was stranded in Whataburger parking lot due to quickly rising floodwaters.
— TRAP SHIESTY (@ITSHIM274) July 8, 2024
While waiting on floodwaters to recede, he grabbed a fishing pole out of his vehicle and caught a nice bass in a nearby flooded ditch.
If that ain't Texas, I don't know what is. 🤠 🎣 pic.twitter.com/bClvOvK4BZ
17.
Say thank you tf? https://t.co/2wRfVyIY2B
— r u b y .wav (@wavruby) July 8, 2024
18.
“Let’s get a table outside”
— “ (@wearevibin) July 8, 2024
Me: pic.twitter.com/tiXm0O1H7h
19.
What if we kissed in the accordion part of the bus https://t.co/p08nmPj9qW
— Despachico (@_CHlCO) July 9, 2024
21.
H-E-B really made hurricane Beryl cakes pic.twitter.com/2ZcXWTLZtF
— Dallas Texas TV (@DallasTexasTV) July 8, 2024
22.
The best feature of any accommodation I've ever stayed in is this duck, whose face appears at the back door whenever we crack open some snacks. 5 stars pic.twitter.com/pmNdVct4XJ
— Glenys Norquay (@glenisilla) July 6, 2024
23.
mistyped exit poll yday pic.twitter.com/yAptPY3qDi
— leanne (@fantasy_snack) July 5, 2024
24.
Italians are just a different breed 😅
— LiAndr (@TechLiandr) June 29, 2024
Menu from one of the restaurants - is printed out screenshot from Notes app. pic.twitter.com/YjeOM8LTfq
25.
I’m sorry, but this would absolutely slap when you have diarrhea. Imagine having somewhere to hold and rest your head while you’re writhing in pain 💀 https://t.co/FgP8qKa10x
— petite madamé🦋 (@akachinnaji) July 5, 2024
26.
the fuck was I on https://t.co/0P71jQorbk
— Amoeba (@curnbucket) July 6, 2024
27.
Dentists will turn to their nurses and say
— L D N _ L E W🦩S (@LDN_Lewis) July 6, 2024
‘A24 - fatal traumatic root eruption’
and then turn to you like ‘all healthy 👍’
28.
The only two genders I recognize pic.twitter.com/VubZYYachZ
— I’m Jeff (@whosjeffiam) July 6, 2024
29.
Love how in “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” one of the guys asks “Am I sexual??” and all of his boys enthusiastically respond “yeeaaah”
— Tarence Ray (@tarenceray) July 8, 2024
30.
Better grab your brisket before the hurricane hits Texans, limit 2 per person. pic.twitter.com/F9AWchCQlD
— Joel Montfort (@jmontforttx) July 5, 2024
31.
a woman at the grocery store spent a full minute staring at these trying to figure out if they were normal nutella or some kind of weird variant
— caesararum, BS, DOGS (@caesararum) July 7, 2024
your clever redesign is someone else's source of stress pic.twitter.com/7Y2yH1QgYy
32.
When I go somewhere and realize I should have stayed at home pic.twitter.com/xfScTwU7Pi
— ☔ (@Whotfismick) July 7, 2024
33.
I’d come out to her pic.twitter.com/PARJ0GAsNR
— Andrew Strauss (@straussanator) June 22, 2024
34.
Maybe a wax Lincoln sculpture wasn’t the best idea during DC’s first week of summer heat pic.twitter.com/qfp0lIGFWo
— Kirk A. Bado (@kirk_bado) June 23, 2024
35.
i’m in madrid and…….?????!!! pic.twitter.com/8ZfkKlpkm8
— Vardaan Arora (@vardaanarora) June 24, 2024
36.
You should be able to google why a couple broke up
— ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱‧₊˚ (@bendergirlfrend) June 24, 2024
37.
filling out a passport application form for my four month old pic.twitter.com/ZwKwdrVHia
— michael 🙆🏻♂️ goldsmith (@mgoldsm) June 24, 2024
38.
I thought it was a dumpster being towed until the taillights came on. 😂 pic.twitter.com/SLpFAGMd6I
— Christopher Webb (@cwebbonline) June 25, 2024
39. And lastly...
Normal day in Florida. pic.twitter.com/qtvgMQZD7p
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) June 26, 2024