Olivia Munn continues to be honest about the realities of her health journey.
Since sharing her breast cancer diagnosis publicly in March, the Newsroom alum has been open about the ups and downs of her treatment and recovery—including her complicated feelings about her double mastectomy and subsequent reconstructive surgeries.
"I cried a week after, because that was the first time I saw my breasts," she said during the June 4 episode of the SheMD podcast, noting she had expanders in at the time—a tool to allow breasts to heal following surgery before the implants are placed. "I was by myself in my bathroom, and I looked at them, and I cried in a way that I don't think I've ever cried in my life. I cried. I was devastated. I just I didn't recognize myself."
The 43-year-old—who shares son Malcolm, 2, with John Mulaney—also explained that because her surgeons had to remove so much of her breast tissue, she would have to go with the larger implant to fill the skin.
"I didn't want to have big breasts," Olivia said. "You think, 'I'm here.' All I care about is that I'm alive and I'm here for my baby. But putting that to the side, one day people will forget or not know, or maybe I'll never tell people that I had cancer, but they'll look at me and go, 'Oh, what a bad boob job. Oh, look at her.'"
And while she still had the expanders and was looking into the mirror, one of Olivia's concerns was that she "didn't know how" she would be able to dress herself again.
"I thought, 'Oh, there are so many things that I'll never be able to wear,'" she continued. "It just looked like someone took off my breasts and then gave me like, and then took like some tape and paper and Tupperware and were like, 'Here.'"
And while the X-Men: Apocalypse actress noted the result with the implants was "much better," there are still moments she struggles with the results.
"A big reason I grew my hair out was I wanted to be able to hide the scars," she explained of her recovery journey. "I want to hide the size of the implant and feel comfortable like that. And maybe one day I'll get more comfortable with it."
This isn't the first time Olivia has been candid about the difficulties she experienced during her surgeries—which included a including a lymph node dissection and a nipple delay procedure in addition to the double mastectomy.
Reposting a video of herself and Malcolm playing in a kiddie pool to her Instagram Story in April, Olivia wrote, "This moment was last summer when I had already had three surgeries and recovery—mentally and physically—was pretty rough."
But thankfully, her little one was there to raise her spirits.
"The smallest, silliest moments like this lifted me up every single time," she continued. "My Malcolm."
And for more of Olivia's sweetest moments with Malcolm and John, keep reading.