June 17, 2024 • 35 mins
Camilla and Jessica share personal stories of marriage, motherhood, and borderline madness. They delve into the reality of periods and Camilla shares a story of an anxiety induced search for anti-anxiety. Plus, a savvy vibrator tip!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Call it what it is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille
Lettington an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hi friend, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 3 (00:14):
I was gonna say good, but I know it'd be
a lie.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Oh oh no, I'm not.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
I not that the world needs well yeah, no, the
world does need to know because they're listening. I am
about to start my period, and after listen, I didn't.
I never really suffered from PMS when I was younger.
Did you ever suffer from PMS?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Do you suffer from PMS?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
My Well, my particular brand of PMS would be there's
an amnesiac quality to it, which is that I I
forget every time that right before my period, I have
a lot of symptoms that are very consistent, and then
every month it's a surprise to me that I have Yes,
why would what?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
But then it all makes sense to me, Like when
I get my period, I go, oh, that makes sense,
why that happened this week?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
I mean I feel that way too, to be honest.
But after I gave birth to my second son, Lucas.
So this is about three years ago, your.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Second child, your first son, Lucas details jess I'm in
I'm a detail oriented.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
I mean, yeah, welcome to my second Yes, my second child.
I first, don't want.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
People thinking that you have two sons.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It's true. No, this is this is all. This is
important information. You're still getting to know.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
That's how you know that. By the way, my period's
coming up. Because I'm like, I have two sons. It's like, no,
you don't. You definitely don't. They're so wonderful, I tell one. Okay,
so I'm I'm gonna wrap this story up with this. Okay,
Like three years ago, I gave birth Ish. Three and
a half years ago, I gave birth in the pandemic
(01:52):
twenty twenty. It was, let's be honest, an absolute shit show, right,
And I thought, I've given birth in a you know,
in this extraordinary like crazy time, and that that's where
all these feelings are coming from. And then after the pandemic,
I started to notice this pattern before my period started,
(02:13):
where I felt like I had PMS, but like I
could actively feel myself kind of sinking into a depression
and it would literally I could. Honestly, I don't know
how this manifests for other people. It's called I should
say this. I got diagnosed with p M d D,
which is pre menstrual dysphoric disorder and it is basically
(02:34):
a PMS no crack. But I can feel myself slipping.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Yes, I can.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Yes, I can feel myself slipping into like a depression
and I didn't understand what was happening, and then I
would come out of it and I was like, what.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Is going on?
Speaker 4 (02:50):
So every single month and it's just happened a couple
of days ago, I'll be like, something's really wrong and
I can't, like I feel like something's wrong and I'm
really sad and I'm just like it sits with me.
And then I'll look at my locking phone and I'll
be like, oh my god, this is the time when
I'm starting to get this again.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So that's where I'm at currently.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Yeah, yeah, that's what your week has been like so far.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Yeah yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
It's kind of helpful to know that, like I'm going
to come out of that, Like now that it's been
named for me, I can be like, okay.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
So I'm gonna feel better. But it does still it
is still hard every.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Month, like feeling like damn it, like here I am again,
nothing's wrong, but it feels like I'm just real sad.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, when you're there, Does it help? Do you feel
supported best by people around you trying to make it
better or do you prefer when people just sort of
let you sit in the.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Sad That's a great question.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
I I don't like people trying to make it better.
I don't know if that makes sense. It just I
almost just need to like get space. I feel really overstimulated,
and I I just need to be able.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
To vent and not have a response almost back to it.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And do all the people that love you know that, Like,
do they know that that is how you like to
be handled in that in that in that time.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
Yes, my husband Matt has learned that over time. It's
hard because people naturally want to help. I understand that.
But it's like he does this thing. He'd be fine
with me telling you this, but it's not bad. He
does this thing that when I get anxiety, he wants
to distract me by like telling me things and telling
me stories.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
And kind of trying to change the subject. And I'm like, no,
I'm more overwhelmed.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
I just couldn't think about the thing or just like
you know, sit with it in silence.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hearing at a wall. Yeah,
as as a recovering fixer and as another for where
it's mean. It's sort of in my job title right,
helping and fixing and supporting, but I in my adult
like helping and fixing and sorting out for my kids.
You know, obviously that is called parenting to an extent.
(05:07):
Because what I've realized recently and why I asked the question,
was that some people in my life really want the
support to look like that, How can I help?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
What can we do?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Distracting, cheerleading, strategizing, whatever, And some people that I love
very much really just want to fucking sit in it.
And that's what's going to help them is just to
be sad and for me to be there with them
while they're sad, to know that I love them when
they're sad and happy, but that I can just be
(05:44):
And that's so hard for me. It's been an active
challenge and new skill set for me. And so I
think it's good to know about people that you love, right,
And it's I always think it's like it's good for
people that love you to have your operating instructions. So
that's why I asked that question. So now I know
(06:04):
when you're there, I won't.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
I won't distruct, you know, because the truth is is
that it's like a kid for me. It's a case
by case basis. But I feel like I'm good at
advocating for myself, so I'll be like, hey, where's your help?
I think you're great at that. I need you know,
so you'll know when I'm wanting that. And I'm also
okay to be like I just I don't like I
need it just a second. I want to go come
(06:27):
watch Friend of Pump Rules with me on the couch.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yeah that's what I need.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, okay, well here you want to know about my week?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yes, I do.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I hope it was better than mine.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
My week? What I barely remember my week? My week?
Are you also about to.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Count your period?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Then? I actually think I might be were really a pair.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
End of school stuff and starting up this podcast and
being so excited and having my mind work at fifty
five thousand miles an hour, and and just the expansive
quality of learning and learning something new, growing, and just
our whole team being so supportive and creating all these
different ways of thinking of things and and as we
you know, are now starting to embark on on launching it,
(07:13):
which is you know so soon and everything else. I
think that it's just been I've been feeling super overwhelmed
when I'm super stressed. Something that I learned sort of
later in life was was the self talk that that
has cured a lot of what worries. So when I'm well,
a lot of times when you're having when you sort
(07:34):
of when you when you have that negative self talk,
when you're talking about when you're when you're talking to
yourself or you're imagining what someone else is saying about
you or thinking the feeling and it goes really negative,
like you know you're not enough, you you know you're
you're not worthy, you don't you know what. There's yeah,
the the like the worthiness, I'm not worthy enough and
I'm not good enough. But that's kind of a habit too, right,
(07:55):
Like you get in the habit of speaking to yourself
like that. And I have sometimes just truly willfully been
like whatever that negative thought was, I'm going to say
the exact opposite in the positive column. So like fill
in the blank, right, you're like, you're I don't even
know look bad, it's so bad.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
You're amazing, Like I'm amazing, I'm confident, I can do this, yes.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yes, and like you know again, when you're auditioning, I
think a lot of the times you could go like, oh,
I'm never going to get the job, right, there's twenty
actresses going out for this job. I'm never going to
get the job. And then I started practicing, like I'm
going to get this job. We're going to film, it's
going to start in July. I'm going to be in Austin, Texas.
I'm going to And honestly, it's even if the outcome
(08:38):
is the same, it's such a more enjoyable experience to
be on your own side, like Hunter, don't we want
to be that?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Do we want to be on our own side?
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Why would we be on some on the opposite side.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
It's so funny you say this because my niece is
staying with me right now and I was talking to
her about something and I was like, you have to
be your number one fan. Yeah, you have to be
your own number one fan, and not in like an egotistical,
like obnoxious way.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
So it's like you have to be.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Team you you do when you are overwhelmed like that,
do you want someone to come in and help you
or do you want to do it?
Speaker 3 (09:15):
All yourself.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I used to be the former, like I used to
just do it all myself. Yeah, and I have become
and grown into someone who loves delegating. That being said,
once you have delegated in human behavior, or when you're
the one that's given the like hey, let's okay, so
let's do this here, or let's do that, or can
I have help with this whatever, my mind then revisits
(09:40):
the task or whatever I've asked for help with help,
and you know, you don't always know that it gets done.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
So it doesn't relax you. You're still wondering about that.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
You can are sure that the help is there and
it's going to be done like Johnny like done, then great,
but then if that, but if but that there's like
a backup question or if there's like something you'd like,
You're it's still alive. But I'm very grateful for help.
I'm very grateful for help. So when people offer, like,
it's funny. One of my best friends became one of
my best friends because she was so uniquely and we
(10:11):
were young. She was she was the one that would
always be like, oh, you're working late, I'm already picking
up you know, Brendan from school, and it's in the
same direction as Luke school, So why don't I grab
him and I'll just bring him back to our house
and they can play until you're done with work. I'd
never had a friend who dream. I couldn't even believe it.
(10:33):
I was like, wait, what you want to You want
to help like that?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
That's amazing, that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
So yeah, I love getting help. I think it's just
and I don't want to you know, it's not like
I'm so bossy. It has to be only a certain
kind of out. But I think that, you know, some
help is more helpful than others. Yeah, Like, here's a
good example I have. I'm not even gonna name names,
but I have certain children who if I said, can
you do X, Y or Z, that would be a help.
(11:01):
I have other children where if I asked them to
do it, that would not be help. Yeah, and that's okay,
that's okay because I might ask the one that might
be able to do you know X, wouldn't be able
to do why? And then if you know what I mean,
like you got to know you gotta know your customers.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
My three year old is actually amazing at delegating things doe,
he'll put things in the trash.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
My seven year old at acts.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
That?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Three feet away? Like you that's such a hard day.
I'm in the first grade.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Well, the overwhelmness had me a little bit stressed this week. Yeah,
and I'm a little overwhelmed.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
And uh.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
One of my ways of dealing with that is also
just to keep going. I have a normalized stress, and
I just it's a it's a normal thing. The only
time that I actually stopped for stress in a real
way was when it when I had a physical manifestation,
which was an ee twitch.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Oh, I actually started twitch.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Yeah, and I'm I'm uh. I was low key worried
because it lasted a year. What I had an eye
twitch for a year and it was imperceptible to anyone
except for myself, Like I would feel it twitching, but
no one else would see it. So it was like
living with a ghost.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
It's like like an eye twitch.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
I could hear it, I could feel it, I go whatever,
but no one else knew. So yeah, that was that
was a that was a physical way that I actually
I could not outrun my stress. I could not normalize it.
I could not be like, Oh, it's okay, I'm just
feeling a little stressed. My body was saying, you're fucking stressed.
Can you break for it and deal? And I got
to say, it wasn't until I stopped and and sort
(12:40):
of tried to like figure out some coping mechanisms and
kind of what was going on so that I could
help myself. And uh, and it did, and I got
to the bottom of it, and and really truly without
even all of a sudden, one day, it stopped.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
But I had to deal with it. I mean, it
wasn't like it just stopped.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I had to deal with what it was that was
sort of, you know, not sort of was really affecting me.
And for me, it was completely It's always been and
it remains that I'm a talker, like I need to
talk it out, and so therapy. For a very long
time I stayed away from for the number one reason
I think most people stay away from it, which is
that you can't find a good therapist. And then I
(13:19):
found a great therapist and we were off to the races.
And now I'm like, hence why we were here, I'm
all unpack it all fucking day long.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Let's unpack it? Yeah you.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Session?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Are you like it's I need the whole afternoon. I
clear the schedule.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Do you have other patients because I I don't think
you Yeah, I just don't even look.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
It is just going to be me.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
I think what's happening is like kind of groundbreaking, and
I think that we are the generations.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
You're what, Jhen, I don't even know.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
F Is this where you're trying to make it so
that I'm older than you?
Speaker 3 (13:52):
What's the nineteen oh five?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Am I older than you? Come out?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
I mean, is this the part I just wanted to
make well, I don't know we can I'm.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Part of one generation and you're part of another.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Whatever, whatever the whatever you are.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I'm all Millennia.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
I don't have to like I'm very cool and you
guys can probably tell just by listening.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yeah right. I mean I'm like a baby boomer and you're.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
You're a boomer and that's fine, Jess, we still love it.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I'm paylessen.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
I was just just pointing out, Yeah, our parents did
not go to therapy. Did your parents go to therapy?
Maybe they did.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
My parents divorced when I was really young, so she
did My mom went to a lot of therapy.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
That's amazing.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
I feel like I feel like most people's parents did
not go to therapy, and so we're the first. We're
all this the first few generations that are really seeking
that mental health and being able to show, you know,
seeking help for it, and being able to show our
kids that, which I think is going to, hopefully because
they're dealing with social media and so many more things
(14:54):
that when we were dealing with hopefully be really influential
and make it so taboo. Because I look at my
parents and no offense to either of them. They really
could have done with a lot of therapy. Yeah, like
it would have made life a lot easier for them.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
It's tough.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yeah, the talking it out, and again, the talking it
out allows you to connect to the dots because I
think that when you're struggling or when you need help,
it's just so your natural instinct to think that you're
the only one that it's happening to, that it's only you,
that no one has ever felt this. Your pain is
unique to you. It's insurmountable, it's bigger than you. It's
(15:35):
all that you're gonna stress, You're gonna worry it's the anxiety,
but almost immediately when you speak to someone else who
has had the same thing happen or feels the same way,
you feel this like pressure release.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
I felt that way when I finally and I'll get
into this more.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
At some point bit the bullet and started zoloft. I
was like, who is? I wanted to know who was
taking it because I had this feeling like I.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Really did not want to get on antidepressants.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
I was not.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
I was like, I'm not there until I really was like, okay,
the heart palpitations I'm feeling one hundred times a day
like are not fun, Like it's again my body's being
like you're done, Like you gotta there's something.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
You got to figure this out.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
And I remember googling, like in my phone and googling
like who who has come out to say that they're
on some on some sort of help like this, And
it gave me comfort to read names of people that
had come out. That's why I want to talk about
it too myself and say it so publicly, because it
is so helpful.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
To see other people talk about it.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
And it's still it's funny even when you google people
like that have come out to talk about antidepressants. It's
still not a huge long list, right, Like, it's still
sort of like something people don't necessarily want to share it.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
And I understand that, but it's.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So I think it's it's an it's an old belief
that dealing with anything like that makes you less.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Then and it's really super.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Stale thought and thought process and way of thinking. It's like,
oh my goodness, I listen. I mean, I'm I think
that people who are dealing with things, or like my heroes,
I find someone so much more complex and so much
more interesting when they are dealing with adversity or when
they you know, when they when they reckon with and
(17:39):
and speak about like life isn't so easy all the time.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
It's just not. I think that we're slowly getting rid
of that shame. I remember it. By the way, this is.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
This is a really ridiculous story, but the first this
is how this is how far I've come with my
own journey on this.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
I went to pick up.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
Zolof for the first time at CVS, right and I
was like, this is so like I've like I felt
like when I go went up to the counter, I
should just say I've hit rock bottom. Just give me
the fucking zoloft, like like I needed it, Like written
on my forehead it's this is where I'm at.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Right, and like, don't don't even bother showering, right, just
go looking Discott because that's where I'm at, you know.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
And I went in and I wore a ball cap
and I wore sunglasses because I was like, the last
thing I need, the last thing I need is for
like anybody to see me walking out with bag of zoloft, right.
And I went to the counter and I was like udding,
you know, like giving them my information. They're like what
and I'm like, god, right and birthdate. I'm a millennial
(18:50):
and the chick this is not a joke, Okay. She
hands me my zoloft and then she goes.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
By the way, I'm a huge Grace Fantomy fan.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
And I was like, yeah, mother, God not obviously today.
But I was like thanks so much, and I'm holding
my you know, giant pill of like I felt read
I have the anxiety and the ration, you know, And
I was like thanks so much. And I walked out
and I tell you what now everyone listening. I skip
in there to get my Zoloft. I'm so excited to
(19:22):
get that pill. I don't care who knows.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, I'm like.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
Camella Luddington and I'm here for my Zoloft, thank you
very much.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
And it works real well. So I feel get rid
of that shame. I don't want to. I can't even believe.
It's crazy.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
I mean I felt like I had to, like, you know,
incognito myself to get it the first time.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
No, screw that.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I think that's real. I've felt that at CVS. Why
does CVS bring that out on us.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I don't even remember what my RX was, but I
remember it was not something that I was like psyched about.
I'm really I'm gonna have to think about this later
because I do want to speak the truth and call
it what it is. So I'm gonna think about what
it was. But i'd say this sort of thing happened
where I was like, oh, for sure, I'm not going
to go in and they're like, yeah, yeah, it was
a passing it over the counter, and then like I
love your work, yeah yeah, and then a little bit
(20:11):
of denial on my part. I think, like what, I
don't know, I must look like her yeah, I know,
but you know, it's real for everybody, and that's why
they should just maybe like do away with that counter,
that line at the counter, because I definitely remember being.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
In the back of some poor women that was there
for them and I was.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Like, yeah, oh gosh, okay sucks.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
And she was so like, yeah, by the way, I'm
really I think she wanted to write it down on
a piece of paper and to slide it to the pharmacy.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Yeah, there does need to be a option badge of them.
Did you need badge em?
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Yeah, they're on the loudspeaker. Can we get extra badge
of them for a counter five please? You're like, I'm
just this is over, and you're like, can you make
some zole off with that? Because now I need it.
This whole experience has been so depressing.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah, we're all out. We're gonna have to order that.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Can you come back from them so loft bundle.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yes, we need a leader of badge of them Aisle five.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
It's just it's like just just leave.
Speaker 4 (21:15):
At that point, you're like, actually, my vagina is fine.
I don't even at this point it's being left.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
This reminds me of when I was living in New
York and I was in my twenties and I was
so self conscious. I certainly hadn't been on grazed now.
I mean, I certainly had zero fame. Nobody knew who
I was, nor did they care. And I was so
just I don't know, I was very wound up about
I don't know, self conscious something like that. And I
(21:43):
went to go get a vibrator at the pleasure Chest
in New York City here on sixth Avenue seventh.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Yeah, and I.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Bought it and when I when I.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Took it to the front counter, I asked them to
gift wrap it for me because it wasn't for me.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Oh, I was clearly getting it out of the gift
you know what. That's genius.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
It's not my vibrator. You know what.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
There should be a gift wrap option for your mess
if you don't want to talk to you like I
vadgim is a birthday gift for somebody and I need
you to wrap it up with a nice little bow.
There should be the option so that you don't have
you don't you don't have to admit it.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yes, it's like a yes. So there should be a
gift wrap option.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
And it should be a little note on it for
the CVS person to just or should just be like,
don't talk about it, don't say it out loud, gift
wraps and shut up.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
I can't carry on. I love it so much.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
You need to think of some more r exes that
would be embarrassing like that.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Oh god, I'm sure. I'm sure there's many in my future.
But you know what, but this is what gift wrap
a CVS give wrapped your Do you know why? I'm
super excited to be here, though, tell me, I'm very
excited because we said we would do this and we're
already doing it. Episode three we have talked about because
(23:12):
we've had just such an incredible response from fans, like
across the board, like we're so blown away, And we
said we would zoom with fans and in person over
zoom discuss their ship like where we discussing our ship
right now, and we.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Get to do that today.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
I'm also a little nervous. You're a little nervous.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
No, I'm not nervous. Actually, I'm just depressed.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
But I always say my kids, nervous and excited sit
side by side. So that's the mindset. Thing too, like
do you want to do? Are you thinking of it
like I'm nervous or you think of it?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
So I'm gonna change my nervousness. I'm gonna I'm gonna
take my nervous and I'm gonna turn it into excitement.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
Because I know it's gonna be great. I know that,
like we're going to figure it out with them, or
at least like we know, like we're going to take
a couple of steps.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Forward and then we can go back and talk about
this again with them.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
So segueing from our gift wrapping and into our call
it what it is questions.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Jessica, I don't know if you can see this, but
I see a little I see a little thing on
our screen that says Molly has entered the waiting room.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I don't see that, well I do? Is that true?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
So this is what's so exciting about today's episode two,
you guys. The reason it says that is because we
have not just someone who's emailed or DM. We have
someone who has agreed to come and zoom with us,
so excited and talk to us about their problems, so
we can talk with them live on a zoom. Okay,
(25:05):
so you guys, we have a very special guest today.
It's one of you, and it's one of our new
friends in our friendship circle. And she has been super
brave enough to want to zoom with us. And this
is what she wrote in Her name is Mollie, and
she said, my girlfriend broke up with me over text.
Her reasoning was that my poor mental health bothered her,
(25:29):
but she knew about any issues I had before entering
the relationship over a year ago. She then blocked me
on everything before I even had the chance to reply
to her breakup text. We've been chatting just the night
before and everything seemed fine. I'm confused, upset, and low
key full of rage. Well guess what, I'm high key
full of rage on this one. Okay, let's let Molly
(25:51):
in so we can get into it with Molly. Hi, Mollie,
we are, Mollie so excited to have you. You are
our first guest that we are personally very first.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Really.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
Yeah, I'm putting it on my cebe yes, yes at it.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Are you from England? I am where.
Speaker 5 (26:13):
Southwest? I think?
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Okay, near Bristol. Oh yeah, I know Bristol.
Speaker 5 (26:18):
Yeah, why my half Irish as well, So my accents off,
It's all good.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I love accents. Accents are great. I have none.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
An American accent.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
It's true, that's true.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
That's true. I have an American accent.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
So, Mollie, we just read the message that you sent us,
and it and and it ended with I that you're
low key full of rage. And I said, reading this,
I'm high key full of rage for you. Do you
want to add any more details in? So you were
with each other for over a year?
Speaker 5 (26:48):
Yeah, and it was kind of on off, Okay, I'll
add but yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
And where are you now? Did you just write this?
Where are you in.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Your in your feeling like months ago?
Speaker 5 (27:01):
Okay, round about so I'm still pissed.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Off, you're still in it?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Why did she Why do you think she blocked you?
Speaker 5 (27:09):
I don't know. It was just I'm like annoyed because
it seemed like really cowardly thing to do, just like
break up me over tech and then block me so
I couldn't even have an adult conversation with her.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
It's just like, which says more about her than you? Right,
that's super avoidant behavior. So she's just going to sort
of excize you and and not just like you said,
she it sort of takes a lot of bravery to
deal with something, and endings especially are very challenging. I
have a question, if you could waive a magic wand
(27:45):
with regards to this relationship, what would you What would
the wand do?
Speaker 5 (27:49):
Maybe you'd make us both mentally stable, because that was
that was part of the issue, but it wasn't something
that we hadn't discussed before entering your relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
I guess so.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
I guess my thing is because Jessica and I have
been talking this whole podcast about like, you know, I
don't even know about mental health. It's not And I've
had to learn this. As much as I yes, I
would wave the wand and like make myself have not
no anxiety, that would be nice, I have learned to
not see it as a negative at all about me.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
It's just another piece of me.
Speaker 4 (28:26):
And so if somebody is breaking up with you because
of something that you have that you have mental health wise,
I think it's not okay.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
But also that's not your person.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
I mean, because that was like part of our reasoning. Otherwise.
She was just like, I don't think it's working, and
I'm like, okay, Well, if my mental health is something
that came up later in the relationship that she didn't
know about and was like, okay, I can't deal with
this fair enough. But she knew about it before getting
into the relationships, so.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (29:01):
I'm just really confused. I'm like, I never got any
closure because she's blocked me.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
So I'm like, right, well, in a way though, that
kind of that is the closure.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Right.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
It's not it's not ideal, and it's not what you
would want, but it is. It is on some level,
you know. I mean, it's the most powerful thing someone
can do, right, is they just stop the communication. It's
just an immediate no, and then you're sort of left
to what's what happens now?
Speaker 4 (29:29):
If I could, like, if I was in a situation,
I could wave the magic wand it would have nothing
to do with her. It would have everything to do
with me understanding that this person does not deserve me
at all, and feeling okay with that, and knowing that
there's someone out there that, of course is going to
accept every part of you, because your mental health is
(29:50):
not a check in the negative column about who you are.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
It's just one part of you.
Speaker 4 (29:57):
And so that's if I could wave a magic wand
that's what I would want for you. I would love
to hear you say, and it's gonna take time.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
But like, I don't need her.
Speaker 4 (30:07):
That's not the person that I need in my life,
because mental health is a long it's a it's a
it's an up.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
And down journey.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
It's a long journey, and sometimes it's something that you're
gonna live with forever and you need that partner to
be there with you in the highs and lows of
that journey. If my husband was like, m your mental
health is like really annoying, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Break with you.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
I don't think like you like, go leave because I'll
find someone that like embraces every part of me, including that.
Speaker 5 (30:40):
Yeah, even if that, like with that case, I would
have just I would have at least appreciated a conversation
about it. I think that's why I'm so annoyed instead
of just a text and then blocking me. I'm like, well,
could we not have discussed this a little?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Like I don't know, right, And but that's also that's
sort of like that's the work that you're left with
right now, right because you can't. You're only in charge
of you, You're not in charge of her, And you
can't have her do anything differently than she's done. She's
that's that's what she's shown you. That's who she is,
and that's the choice that she's made. And now it's
(31:19):
really only about you and and who and how do you?
Who do you want to be in this moment? And
how do you want to treat yourself? And and and
regard yourself, which I hope is with with kindness and
and sort of like you know, I do think that
that self talk comes in in a in a way
here where where when someone goes away completely, we can
(31:39):
only imagine what they think or what or what there
the reasons why they did X, Y or z. But
you usually what you're imagining is worse than what it is,
and then it becomes sort of like this negative self
talk spiral, and so then you're actually having conversations with
yourself that are doing no good and making yourself feel
even more terrible. So I feel like right now would
(32:03):
be an amazing time for you to find and make
a list of all the things that you love about
yourself or that you're really proud of of yourself. You know,
the things that you've done that you're like, you know what,
I don't know many other people who've done that, or
the things that are unique to you, or the things
that people have told you, or your superpowers. But focusing
(32:23):
on those positives and what you hold inside of yourself
that's unique to only you, and really really thinking about them,
and again writing them down and being grateful for them,
and finding a way to go back out into the
world and find someone.
Speaker 6 (32:40):
Who's grateful for you and who sees you for who
you are again the ups and downs and all arounds,
because there's actually literally not a person in the world
that doesn't have ups and downs.
Speaker 5 (32:52):
I'm going to get back out there with self confidence?
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Yeah? Why not? Why not? Exactly?
Speaker 4 (32:58):
And I also think by the way that somebody does
something like that, because we've all been in a relationships
where we've come out of it and you're.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Like, I hate like, why did they? That was so awful?
Speaker 4 (33:07):
But what it did for me is it gave me
more perspective into what I definitely wanted a partner. You
definitely don't want a long term relationship with someone that
cannot communicate with you or ghosts you right, Like, even
if you guys got back together, if that's their sort
of personality and how they navigate relationships, it's never gonna
(33:28):
feel good. You want someone that makes you feel really yummy.
So I think even though you're like, oh man, she
didn't even she couldn't even give me an explanation, maybe
there's also another list. It's like what do I deserve
in a relationship, And that's one of the things. It's like,
I deserve an explanation, I deserve conversations when things get tough.
(33:49):
And then when you look at that list, does that
person that just left you fit on this list? They're
probably not going to check those boxes that you have
decided this is important to me and a partner. And
I think just seeing those two lists, like how awesome
I am by the way, you're our very first guest.
You're zooming in on something that's really vulnerable that to
me should be on your list.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
That's awesome.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
And then you write the other list of like this,
this is what I deserve, and I've just been shown
what it looks like when that person doesn't do those
things and how it makes me feel.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
And I will say one last thing and it's not
just because I am a Taylor Swift fan, but there's
a little thing called karma, and so not to be
a nerd or I could do good or whatever, but
I actually I personally feel like it's gonna sound crazy.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Poor her, throw some love at her.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
She had to cut you off and walk away, and
she doesn't have the skills that you need to be
in a relationship.
Speaker 5 (34:42):
I feel sorry for her, I really do. I'm a cat.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
You are, you know what? I hope she grows. I
hope she grows, and look at you. I'm so happy
we got to talk to you.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
Thank you, thank you so much, and okay.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Good and I'm good. Thank you. It's been such a
pleasure having you.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
And listen if you wanna, if you ever want to
come back in on on, call it what it is
and give us a little.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Thank you so thank you so much, Mellielly, thank you.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Okay, Wow, this has been a lot of good I've been.
I'm into this. I'm really into this. But I think
it's time now. So let's call it, shall we Yes,
let's call it the end of this episode.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Bye friends, Bye friends.
Call it what it is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille
Lettington an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hi friend, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 3 (00:14):
I was gonna say good, but I know it'd be
a lie.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Oh oh no, I'm not.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
I not that the world needs well yeah, no, the
world does need to know because they're listening. I am
about to start my period, and after listen, I didn't.
I never really suffered from PMS when I was younger.
Did you ever suffer from PMS?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Do you suffer from PMS?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
My Well, my particular brand of PMS would be there's
an amnesiac quality to it, which is that I I
forget every time that right before my period, I have
a lot of symptoms that are very consistent, and then
every month it's a surprise to me that I have Yes,
why would what?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
But then it all makes sense to me, Like when
I get my period, I go, oh, that makes sense,
why that happened this week?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
I mean I feel that way too, to be honest.
But after I gave birth to my second son, Lucas.
So this is about three years ago, your.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Second child, your first son, Lucas details jess I'm in
I'm a detail oriented.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
I mean, yeah, welcome to my second Yes, my second child.
I first, don't want.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
People thinking that you have two sons.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It's true. No, this is this is all. This is
important information. You're still getting to know.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
That's how you know that. By the way, my period's
coming up. Because I'm like, I have two sons. It's like, no,
you don't. You definitely don't. They're so wonderful, I tell one. Okay,
so I'm I'm gonna wrap this story up with this. Okay,
Like three years ago, I gave birth Ish. Three and
a half years ago, I gave birth in the pandemic
(01:52):
twenty twenty. It was, let's be honest, an absolute shit show, right,
And I thought, I've given birth in a you know,
in this extraordinary like crazy time, and that that's where
all these feelings are coming from. And then after the pandemic,
I started to notice this pattern before my period started,
(02:13):
where I felt like I had PMS, but like I
could actively feel myself kind of sinking into a depression
and it would literally I could. Honestly, I don't know
how this manifests for other people. It's called I should
say this. I got diagnosed with p M d D,
which is pre menstrual dysphoric disorder and it is basically
(02:34):
a PMS no crack. But I can feel myself slipping.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Yes, I can.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Yes, I can feel myself slipping into like a depression
and I didn't understand what was happening, and then I
would come out of it and I was like, what.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Is going on?
Speaker 4 (02:50):
So every single month and it's just happened a couple
of days ago, I'll be like, something's really wrong and
I can't, like I feel like something's wrong and I'm
really sad and I'm just like it sits with me.
And then I'll look at my locking phone and I'll
be like, oh my god, this is the time when
I'm starting to get this again.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So that's where I'm at currently.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Yeah, yeah, that's what your week has been like so far.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Yeah yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
It's kind of helpful to know that, like I'm going
to come out of that, Like now that it's been
named for me, I can be like, okay.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
So I'm gonna feel better. But it does still it
is still hard every.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Month, like feeling like damn it, like here I am again,
nothing's wrong, but it feels like I'm just real sad.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, when you're there, Does it help? Do you feel
supported best by people around you trying to make it
better or do you prefer when people just sort of
let you sit in the.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Sad That's a great question.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
I I don't like people trying to make it better.
I don't know if that makes sense. It just I
almost just need to like get space. I feel really overstimulated,
and I I just need to be able.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
To vent and not have a response almost back to it.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And do all the people that love you know that, Like,
do they know that that is how you like to
be handled in that in that in that time.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
Yes, my husband Matt has learned that over time. It's
hard because people naturally want to help. I understand that.
But it's like he does this thing. He'd be fine
with me telling you this, but it's not bad. He
does this thing that when I get anxiety, he wants
to distract me by like telling me things and telling
me stories.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
And kind of trying to change the subject. And I'm like, no,
I'm more overwhelmed.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
I just couldn't think about the thing or just like
you know, sit with it in silence.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hearing at a wall. Yeah,
as as a recovering fixer and as another for where
it's mean. It's sort of in my job title right,
helping and fixing and supporting, but I in my adult
like helping and fixing and sorting out for my kids.
You know, obviously that is called parenting to an extent.
(05:07):
Because what I've realized recently and why I asked the question,
was that some people in my life really want the
support to look like that, How can I help?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
What can we do?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Distracting, cheerleading, strategizing, whatever, And some people that I love
very much really just want to fucking sit in it.
And that's what's going to help them is just to
be sad and for me to be there with them
while they're sad, to know that I love them when
they're sad and happy, but that I can just be
(05:44):
And that's so hard for me. It's been an active
challenge and new skill set for me. And so I
think it's good to know about people that you love, right,
And it's I always think it's like it's good for
people that love you to have your operating instructions. So
that's why I asked that question. So now I know
(06:04):
when you're there, I won't.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
I won't distruct, you know, because the truth is is
that it's like a kid for me. It's a case
by case basis. But I feel like I'm good at
advocating for myself, so I'll be like, hey, where's your help?
I think you're great at that. I need you know,
so you'll know when I'm wanting that. And I'm also
okay to be like I just I don't like I
need it just a second. I want to go come
(06:27):
watch Friend of Pump Rules with me on the couch.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yeah that's what I need.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, okay, well here you want to know about my week?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yes, I do.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I hope it was better than mine.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
My week? What I barely remember my week? My week?
Are you also about to.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Count your period?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Then? I actually think I might be were really a pair.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
End of school stuff and starting up this podcast and
being so excited and having my mind work at fifty
five thousand miles an hour, and and just the expansive
quality of learning and learning something new, growing, and just
our whole team being so supportive and creating all these
different ways of thinking of things and and as we
you know, are now starting to embark on on launching it,
(07:13):
which is you know so soon and everything else. I
think that it's just been I've been feeling super overwhelmed
when I'm super stressed. Something that I learned sort of
later in life was was the self talk that that
has cured a lot of what worries. So when I'm well,
a lot of times when you're having when you sort
(07:34):
of when you when you have that negative self talk,
when you're talking about when you're when you're talking to
yourself or you're imagining what someone else is saying about
you or thinking the feeling and it goes really negative,
like you know you're not enough, you you know you're
you're not worthy, you don't you know what. There's yeah,
the the like the worthiness, I'm not worthy enough and
I'm not good enough. But that's kind of a habit too, right,
(07:55):
Like you get in the habit of speaking to yourself
like that. And I have sometimes just truly willfully been
like whatever that negative thought was, I'm going to say
the exact opposite in the positive column. So like fill
in the blank, right, you're like, you're I don't even
know look bad, it's so bad.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
You're amazing, Like I'm amazing, I'm confident, I can do this, yes.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yes, and like you know again, when you're auditioning, I
think a lot of the times you could go like, oh,
I'm never going to get the job, right, there's twenty
actresses going out for this job. I'm never going to
get the job. And then I started practicing, like I'm
going to get this job. We're going to film, it's
going to start in July. I'm going to be in Austin, Texas.
I'm going to And honestly, it's even if the outcome
(08:38):
is the same, it's such a more enjoyable experience to
be on your own side, like Hunter, don't we want
to be that?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Do we want to be on our own side?
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Why would we be on some on the opposite side.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
It's so funny you say this because my niece is
staying with me right now and I was talking to
her about something and I was like, you have to
be your number one fan. Yeah, you have to be
your own number one fan, and not in like an egotistical,
like obnoxious way.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
So it's like you have to be.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Team you you do when you are overwhelmed like that,
do you want someone to come in and help you
or do you want to do it?
Speaker 3 (09:15):
All yourself.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I used to be the former, like I used to
just do it all myself. Yeah, and I have become
and grown into someone who loves delegating. That being said,
once you have delegated in human behavior, or when you're
the one that's given the like hey, let's okay, so
let's do this here, or let's do that, or can
I have help with this whatever, my mind then revisits
(09:40):
the task or whatever I've asked for help with help,
and you know, you don't always know that it gets done.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
So it doesn't relax you. You're still wondering about that.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
You can are sure that the help is there and
it's going to be done like Johnny like done, then great,
but then if that, but if but that there's like
a backup question or if there's like something you'd like,
You're it's still alive. But I'm very grateful for help.
I'm very grateful for help. So when people offer, like,
it's funny. One of my best friends became one of
my best friends because she was so uniquely and we
(10:11):
were young. She was she was the one that would
always be like, oh, you're working late, I'm already picking
up you know, Brendan from school, and it's in the
same direction as Luke school, So why don't I grab
him and I'll just bring him back to our house
and they can play until you're done with work. I'd
never had a friend who dream. I couldn't even believe it.
(10:33):
I was like, wait, what you want to You want
to help like that?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
That's amazing, that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
So yeah, I love getting help. I think it's just
and I don't want to you know, it's not like
I'm so bossy. It has to be only a certain
kind of out. But I think that, you know, some
help is more helpful than others. Yeah, Like, here's a
good example I have. I'm not even gonna name names,
but I have certain children who if I said, can
you do X, Y or Z, that would be a help.
(11:01):
I have other children where if I asked them to
do it, that would not be help. Yeah, and that's okay,
that's okay because I might ask the one that might
be able to do you know X, wouldn't be able
to do why? And then if you know what I mean,
like you got to know you gotta know your customers.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
My three year old is actually amazing at delegating things doe,
he'll put things in the trash.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
My seven year old at acts.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
That?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Three feet away? Like you that's such a hard day.
I'm in the first grade.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Well, the overwhelmness had me a little bit stressed this week. Yeah,
and I'm a little overwhelmed.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
And uh.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
One of my ways of dealing with that is also
just to keep going. I have a normalized stress, and
I just it's a it's a normal thing. The only
time that I actually stopped for stress in a real
way was when it when I had a physical manifestation,
which was an ee twitch.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Oh, I actually started twitch.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Yeah, and I'm I'm uh. I was low key worried
because it lasted a year. What I had an eye
twitch for a year and it was imperceptible to anyone
except for myself, Like I would feel it twitching, but
no one else would see it. So it was like
living with a ghost.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
It's like like an eye twitch.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
I could hear it, I could feel it, I go whatever,
but no one else knew. So yeah, that was that
was a that was a physical way that I actually
I could not outrun my stress. I could not normalize it.
I could not be like, Oh, it's okay, I'm just
feeling a little stressed. My body was saying, you're fucking stressed.
Can you break for it and deal? And I got
to say, it wasn't until I stopped and and sort
(12:40):
of tried to like figure out some coping mechanisms and
kind of what was going on so that I could
help myself. And uh, and it did, and I got
to the bottom of it, and and really truly without
even all of a sudden, one day, it stopped.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
But I had to deal with it. I mean, it
wasn't like it just stopped.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I had to deal with what it was that was
sort of, you know, not sort of was really affecting me.
And for me, it was completely It's always been and
it remains that I'm a talker, like I need to
talk it out, and so therapy. For a very long
time I stayed away from for the number one reason
I think most people stay away from it, which is
that you can't find a good therapist. And then I
(13:19):
found a great therapist and we were off to the races.
And now I'm like, hence why we were here, I'm
all unpack it all fucking day long.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Let's unpack it? Yeah you.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Session?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Are you like it's I need the whole afternoon. I
clear the schedule.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Do you have other patients because I I don't think
you Yeah, I just don't even look.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
It is just going to be me.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
I think what's happening is like kind of groundbreaking, and
I think that we are the generations.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
You're what, Jhen, I don't even know.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
F Is this where you're trying to make it so
that I'm older than you?
Speaker 3 (13:52):
What's the nineteen oh five?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Am I older than you? Come out?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
I mean, is this the part I just wanted to
make well, I don't know we can I'm.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Part of one generation and you're part of another.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Whatever, whatever the whatever you are.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I'm all Millennia.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
I don't have to like I'm very cool and you
guys can probably tell just by listening.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yeah right. I mean I'm like a baby boomer and you're.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
You're a boomer and that's fine, Jess, we still love it.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I'm paylessen.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
I was just just pointing out, Yeah, our parents did
not go to therapy. Did your parents go to therapy?
Maybe they did.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
My parents divorced when I was really young, so she
did My mom went to a lot of therapy.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
That's amazing.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
I feel like I feel like most people's parents did
not go to therapy, and so we're the first. We're
all this the first few generations that are really seeking
that mental health and being able to show, you know,
seeking help for it, and being able to show our
kids that, which I think is going to, hopefully because
they're dealing with social media and so many more things
(14:54):
that when we were dealing with hopefully be really influential
and make it so taboo. Because I look at my
parents and no offense to either of them. They really
could have done with a lot of therapy. Yeah, like
it would have made life a lot easier for them.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
It's tough.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yeah, the talking it out, and again, the talking it
out allows you to connect to the dots because I
think that when you're struggling or when you need help,
it's just so your natural instinct to think that you're
the only one that it's happening to, that it's only you,
that no one has ever felt this. Your pain is
unique to you. It's insurmountable, it's bigger than you. It's
(15:35):
all that you're gonna stress, You're gonna worry it's the anxiety,
but almost immediately when you speak to someone else who
has had the same thing happen or feels the same way,
you feel this like pressure release.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
I felt that way when I finally and I'll get
into this more.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
At some point bit the bullet and started zoloft. I
was like, who is? I wanted to know who was
taking it because I had this feeling like I.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Really did not want to get on antidepressants.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
I was not.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
I was like, I'm not there until I really was like, okay,
the heart palpitations I'm feeling one hundred times a day
like are not fun, Like it's again my body's being
like you're done, Like you gotta there's something.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
You got to figure this out.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
And I remember googling, like in my phone and googling
like who who has come out to say that they're
on some on some sort of help like this, And
it gave me comfort to read names of people that
had come out. That's why I want to talk about
it too myself and say it so publicly, because it
is so helpful.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
To see other people talk about it.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
And it's still it's funny even when you google people
like that have come out to talk about antidepressants. It's
still not a huge long list, right, Like, it's still
sort of like something people don't necessarily want to share it.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
And I understand that, but it's.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So I think it's it's an it's an old belief
that dealing with anything like that makes you less.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Then and it's really super.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Stale thought and thought process and way of thinking. It's like,
oh my goodness, I listen. I mean, I'm I think
that people who are dealing with things, or like my heroes,
I find someone so much more complex and so much
more interesting when they are dealing with adversity or when
they you know, when they when they reckon with and
(17:39):
and speak about like life isn't so easy all the time.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
It's just not. I think that we're slowly getting rid
of that shame. I remember it. By the way, this is.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
This is a really ridiculous story, but the first this
is how this is how far I've come with my
own journey on this.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
I went to pick up.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
Zolof for the first time at CVS, right and I
was like, this is so like I've like I felt
like when I go went up to the counter, I
should just say I've hit rock bottom. Just give me
the fucking zoloft, like like I needed it, Like written
on my forehead it's this is where I'm at.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Right, and like, don't don't even bother showering, right, just
go looking Discott because that's where I'm at, you know.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
And I went in and I wore a ball cap
and I wore sunglasses because I was like, the last
thing I need, the last thing I need is for
like anybody to see me walking out with bag of zoloft, right.
And I went to the counter and I was like udding,
you know, like giving them my information. They're like what
and I'm like, god, right and birthdate. I'm a millennial
(18:50):
and the chick this is not a joke, Okay. She
hands me my zoloft and then she goes.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
By the way, I'm a huge Grace Fantomy fan.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
And I was like, yeah, mother, God not obviously today.
But I was like thanks so much, and I'm holding
my you know, giant pill of like I felt read
I have the anxiety and the ration, you know, And
I was like thanks so much. And I walked out
and I tell you what now everyone listening. I skip
in there to get my Zoloft. I'm so excited to
(19:22):
get that pill. I don't care who knows.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, I'm like.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
Camella Luddington and I'm here for my Zoloft, thank you
very much.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
And it works real well. So I feel get rid
of that shame. I don't want to. I can't even believe.
It's crazy.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
I mean I felt like I had to, like, you know,
incognito myself to get it the first time.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
No, screw that.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I think that's real. I've felt that at CVS. Why
does CVS bring that out on us.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I don't even remember what my RX was, but I
remember it was not something that I was like psyched about.
I'm really I'm gonna have to think about this later
because I do want to speak the truth and call
it what it is. So I'm gonna think about what
it was. But i'd say this sort of thing happened
where I was like, oh, for sure, I'm not going
to go in and they're like, yeah, yeah, it was
a passing it over the counter, and then like I
love your work, yeah yeah, and then a little bit
(20:11):
of denial on my part. I think, like what, I
don't know, I must look like her yeah, I know,
but you know, it's real for everybody, and that's why
they should just maybe like do away with that counter,
that line at the counter, because I definitely remember being.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
In the back of some poor women that was there
for them and I was.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Like, yeah, oh gosh, okay sucks.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
And she was so like, yeah, by the way, I'm
really I think she wanted to write it down on
a piece of paper and to slide it to the pharmacy.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Yeah, there does need to be a option badge of them.
Did you need badge em?
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Yeah, they're on the loudspeaker. Can we get extra badge
of them for a counter five please? You're like, I'm
just this is over, and you're like, can you make
some zole off with that? Because now I need it.
This whole experience has been so depressing.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah, we're all out. We're gonna have to order that.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Can you come back from them so loft bundle.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yes, we need a leader of badge of them Aisle five.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
It's just it's like just just leave.
Speaker 4 (21:15):
At that point, you're like, actually, my vagina is fine.
I don't even at this point it's being left.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
This reminds me of when I was living in New
York and I was in my twenties and I was
so self conscious. I certainly hadn't been on grazed now.
I mean, I certainly had zero fame. Nobody knew who
I was, nor did they care. And I was so
just I don't know, I was very wound up about
I don't know, self conscious something like that. And I
(21:43):
went to go get a vibrator at the pleasure Chest
in New York City here on sixth Avenue seventh.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Yeah, and I.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Bought it and when I when I.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Took it to the front counter, I asked them to
gift wrap it for me because it wasn't for me.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Oh, I was clearly getting it out of the gift
you know what. That's genius.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
It's not my vibrator. You know what.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
There should be a gift wrap option for your mess
if you don't want to talk to you like I
vadgim is a birthday gift for somebody and I need
you to wrap it up with a nice little bow.
There should be the option so that you don't have
you don't you don't have to admit it.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yes, it's like a yes. So there should be a
gift wrap option.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
And it should be a little note on it for
the CVS person to just or should just be like,
don't talk about it, don't say it out loud, gift
wraps and shut up.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
I can't carry on. I love it so much.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
You need to think of some more r exes that
would be embarrassing like that.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Oh god, I'm sure. I'm sure there's many in my future.
But you know what, but this is what gift wrap
a CVS give wrapped your Do you know why? I'm
super excited to be here, though, tell me, I'm very
excited because we said we would do this and we're
already doing it. Episode three we have talked about because
(23:12):
we've had just such an incredible response from fans, like
across the board, like we're so blown away, And we
said we would zoom with fans and in person over
zoom discuss their ship like where we discussing our ship
right now, and we.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Get to do that today.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
I'm also a little nervous. You're a little nervous.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
No, I'm not nervous. Actually, I'm just depressed.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
But I always say my kids, nervous and excited sit
side by side. So that's the mindset. Thing too, like
do you want to do? Are you thinking of it
like I'm nervous or you think of it?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
So I'm gonna change my nervousness. I'm gonna I'm gonna
take my nervous and I'm gonna turn it into excitement.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
Because I know it's gonna be great. I know that,
like we're going to figure it out with them, or
at least like we know, like we're going to take
a couple of steps.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Forward and then we can go back and talk about
this again with them.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
So segueing from our gift wrapping and into our call
it what it is questions.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Jessica, I don't know if you can see this, but
I see a little I see a little thing on
our screen that says Molly has entered the waiting room.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I don't see that, well I do? Is that true?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
So this is what's so exciting about today's episode two,
you guys. The reason it says that is because we
have not just someone who's emailed or DM. We have
someone who has agreed to come and zoom with us,
so excited and talk to us about their problems, so
we can talk with them live on a zoom. Okay,
(25:05):
so you guys, we have a very special guest today.
It's one of you, and it's one of our new
friends in our friendship circle. And she has been super
brave enough to want to zoom with us. And this
is what she wrote in Her name is Mollie, and
she said, my girlfriend broke up with me over text.
Her reasoning was that my poor mental health bothered her,
(25:29):
but she knew about any issues I had before entering
the relationship over a year ago. She then blocked me
on everything before I even had the chance to reply
to her breakup text. We've been chatting just the night
before and everything seemed fine. I'm confused, upset, and low
key full of rage. Well guess what, I'm high key
full of rage on this one. Okay, let's let Molly
(25:51):
in so we can get into it with Molly. Hi, Mollie,
we are, Mollie so excited to have you. You are
our first guest that we are personally very first.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Really.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
Yeah, I'm putting it on my cebe yes, yes at it.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Are you from England? I am where.
Speaker 5 (26:13):
Southwest? I think?
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Okay, near Bristol. Oh yeah, I know Bristol.
Speaker 5 (26:18):
Yeah, why my half Irish as well, So my accents off,
It's all good.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I love accents. Accents are great. I have none.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
An American accent.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
It's true, that's true.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
That's true. I have an American accent.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
So, Mollie, we just read the message that you sent us,
and it and and it ended with I that you're
low key full of rage. And I said, reading this,
I'm high key full of rage for you. Do you
want to add any more details in? So you were
with each other for over a year?
Speaker 5 (26:48):
Yeah, and it was kind of on off, Okay, I'll
add but yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
And where are you now? Did you just write this?
Where are you in.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Your in your feeling like months ago?
Speaker 5 (27:01):
Okay, round about so I'm still pissed.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Off, you're still in it?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Why did she Why do you think she blocked you?
Speaker 5 (27:09):
I don't know. It was just I'm like annoyed because
it seemed like really cowardly thing to do, just like
break up me over tech and then block me so
I couldn't even have an adult conversation with her.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
It's just like, which says more about her than you? Right,
that's super avoidant behavior. So she's just going to sort
of excize you and and not just like you said,
she it sort of takes a lot of bravery to
deal with something, and endings especially are very challenging. I
have a question, if you could waive a magic wand
(27:45):
with regards to this relationship, what would you What would
the wand do?
Speaker 5 (27:49):
Maybe you'd make us both mentally stable, because that was
that was part of the issue, but it wasn't something
that we hadn't discussed before entering your relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
I guess so.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
I guess my thing is because Jessica and I have
been talking this whole podcast about like, you know, I
don't even know about mental health. It's not And I've
had to learn this. As much as I yes, I
would wave the wand and like make myself have not
no anxiety, that would be nice, I have learned to
not see it as a negative at all about me.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
It's just another piece of me.
Speaker 4 (28:26):
And so if somebody is breaking up with you because
of something that you have that you have mental health wise,
I think it's not okay.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
But also that's not your person.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
I mean, because that was like part of our reasoning. Otherwise.
She was just like, I don't think it's working, and
I'm like, okay, Well, if my mental health is something
that came up later in the relationship that she didn't
know about and was like, okay, I can't deal with
this fair enough. But she knew about it before getting
into the relationships, so.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (29:01):
I'm just really confused. I'm like, I never got any
closure because she's blocked me.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
So I'm like, right, well, in a way though, that
kind of that is the closure.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Right.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
It's not it's not ideal, and it's not what you
would want, but it is. It is on some level,
you know. I mean, it's the most powerful thing someone
can do, right, is they just stop the communication. It's
just an immediate no, and then you're sort of left
to what's what happens now?
Speaker 4 (29:29):
If I could, like, if I was in a situation,
I could wave the magic wand it would have nothing
to do with her. It would have everything to do
with me understanding that this person does not deserve me
at all, and feeling okay with that, and knowing that
there's someone out there that, of course is going to
accept every part of you, because your mental health is
(29:50):
not a check in the negative column about who you are.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
It's just one part of you.
Speaker 4 (29:57):
And so that's if I could wave a magic wand
that's what I would want for you. I would love
to hear you say, and it's gonna take time.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
But like, I don't need her.
Speaker 4 (30:07):
That's not the person that I need in my life,
because mental health is a long it's a it's a
it's an up.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
And down journey.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
It's a long journey, and sometimes it's something that you're
gonna live with forever and you need that partner to
be there with you in the highs and lows of
that journey. If my husband was like, m your mental
health is like really annoying, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Break with you.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
I don't think like you like, go leave because I'll
find someone that like embraces every part of me, including that.
Speaker 5 (30:40):
Yeah, even if that, like with that case, I would
have just I would have at least appreciated a conversation
about it. I think that's why I'm so annoyed instead
of just a text and then blocking me. I'm like, well,
could we not have discussed this a little?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Like I don't know, right, And but that's also that's
sort of like that's the work that you're left with
right now, right because you can't. You're only in charge
of you, You're not in charge of her, And you
can't have her do anything differently than she's done. She's
that's that's what she's shown you. That's who she is,
and that's the choice that she's made. And now it's
(31:19):
really only about you and and who and how do you?
Who do you want to be in this moment? And
how do you want to treat yourself? And and and
regard yourself, which I hope is with with kindness and
and sort of like you know, I do think that
that self talk comes in in a in a way
here where where when someone goes away completely, we can
(31:39):
only imagine what they think or what or what there
the reasons why they did X, Y or z. But
you usually what you're imagining is worse than what it is,
and then it becomes sort of like this negative self
talk spiral, and so then you're actually having conversations with
yourself that are doing no good and making yourself feel
even more terrible. So I feel like right now would
(32:03):
be an amazing time for you to find and make
a list of all the things that you love about
yourself or that you're really proud of of yourself. You know,
the things that you've done that you're like, you know what,
I don't know many other people who've done that, or
the things that are unique to you, or the things
that people have told you, or your superpowers. But focusing
(32:23):
on those positives and what you hold inside of yourself
that's unique to only you, and really really thinking about them,
and again writing them down and being grateful for them,
and finding a way to go back out into the
world and find someone.
Speaker 6 (32:40):
Who's grateful for you and who sees you for who
you are again the ups and downs and all arounds,
because there's actually literally not a person in the world
that doesn't have ups and downs.
Speaker 5 (32:52):
I'm going to get back out there with self confidence?
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Yeah? Why not? Why not? Exactly?
Speaker 4 (32:58):
And I also think by the way that somebody does
something like that, because we've all been in a relationships
where we've come out of it and you're.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Like, I hate like, why did they? That was so awful?
Speaker 4 (33:07):
But what it did for me is it gave me
more perspective into what I definitely wanted a partner. You
definitely don't want a long term relationship with someone that
cannot communicate with you or ghosts you right, Like, even
if you guys got back together, if that's their sort
of personality and how they navigate relationships, it's never gonna
(33:28):
feel good. You want someone that makes you feel really yummy.
So I think even though you're like, oh man, she
didn't even she couldn't even give me an explanation, maybe
there's also another list. It's like what do I deserve
in a relationship, And that's one of the things. It's like,
I deserve an explanation, I deserve conversations when things get tough.
(33:49):
And then when you look at that list, does that
person that just left you fit on this list? They're
probably not going to check those boxes that you have
decided this is important to me and a partner. And
I think just seeing those two lists, like how awesome
I am by the way, you're our very first guest.
You're zooming in on something that's really vulnerable that to
me should be on your list.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
That's awesome.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
And then you write the other list of like this,
this is what I deserve, and I've just been shown
what it looks like when that person doesn't do those
things and how it makes me feel.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
And I will say one last thing and it's not
just because I am a Taylor Swift fan, but there's
a little thing called karma, and so not to be
a nerd or I could do good or whatever, but
I actually I personally feel like it's gonna sound crazy.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Poor her, throw some love at her.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
She had to cut you off and walk away, and
she doesn't have the skills that you need to be
in a relationship.
Speaker 5 (34:42):
I feel sorry for her, I really do. I'm a cat.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
You are, you know what? I hope she grows. I
hope she grows, and look at you. I'm so happy
we got to talk to you.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
Thank you, thank you so much, and okay.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Good and I'm good. Thank you. It's been such a
pleasure having you.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
And listen if you wanna, if you ever want to
come back in on on, call it what it is
and give us a little.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Thank you so thank you so much, Mellielly, thank you.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Okay, Wow, this has been a lot of good I've been.
I'm into this. I'm really into this. But I think
it's time now. So let's call it, shall we Yes,
let's call it the end of this episode.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Bye friends, Bye friends.
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Let’s Be Clear… a new podcast from Shannen Doherty. The actress will open up like never before in a live memoir. She will cover everything from her TV and film credits, to her Stage IV cancer battle, friendships, divorces and more. She will share her own personal stories, how she manages the lows all while celebrating the highs, and her hopes and dreams for the future. As Shannen says, it doesn’t matter how many times you fall, it’s about how you get back up. So, LET’S BE CLEAR… this is the truth and nothing but. Join Shannen Doherty each week. Let’s Be Clear, an iHeartRadio podcast.
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The Dan Bongino Show
He’s a former Secret Service Agent, former NYPD officer, and New York Times best-selling author. Join Dan Bongino each weekday as he tackles the hottest political issues, debunking both liberal and Republican establishment rhetoric.