- Stella-Rebecca: [while watching PJ and Hazel make out] Oh wait, I'm gay!
- Brittany: Yeah, I'm not. I just like gay porn.
- Jeff: This is nothing like porn at all. Wait... is porn even real?
- Principal Meyers: [over intercom] Could the ugly, untalented gays please report to the principal's office?
- Josie: By the way, our son Hezekiah hates us cause he knows we're both closeted, but we're trying to make it work for him. But he's not happy. And yeah, guess what? The deacon's fucking the evangelist, man! He's fucking the evangelist!
- PJ: I'm going to say something crazy. I think you could eat food, digest it, let it marinate, poop it out.
- Principal Meyers: How come you can't buck up and learn to protect yourselves without running somebody over?
- PJ: Maybe it's because we're small and he's giant, so we needed to use a little machinery. Did you ever think of that, sir?
- Josie: Juvie was insane. Once, a girl tried to kill me with rat poison so I took her outside and I punched her 'til she died.
- Hazel Callahan: I feel like if we keep it up we can actually take on Huntington, you guys.
- PJ: No, if we keep it up we can put our fingers inside of each other, grow up.
- Josie: I do want to say, um, I feel like you killed that guy.
- PJ: Oh, yeah, I mean we killed... I think we killed... you killed *that* guy.
- Josie: No.
- PJ: Yeah, he's dead.
- Josie: No.
- PJ: That's dead.
- Josie: Oh my god!
- PJ: Yeah, we killed a couple... we killed... we killed a lotta guys. I- let's just... we'll process it later.
- Josie: Much later.
- PJ: Later.
- Josie: Yeah.
- Josie: That's my favorite way to be an ally. You just say you're doing something, and then you don't do any of those things, you know what I mean? You say, "I support women." You don't.