Autism masking, also known as camouflaging, is a coping strategy used by many autistic individuals to navigate social situations and conform to neurotypical expectations.
It involves suppressing natural autistic traits and behaviors while adopting neurotypical social norms and communication styles, often as a way to avoid negative social consequences associated with being visibly autistic.
Common examples of autism masking include:
- forcing eye contact during conversations
- suppressing stimming behaviors like hand flapping or rocking
- scripting or rehearsing social interactions beforehand
- mimicking others’ facial expressions and gestures
- hiding special interests or pretending to be interested in topics others enjoy
While masking can help autistic individuals navigate social situations more smoothly in the short term, it often comes with significant consequences.
The constant effort to suppress one’s true self can lead to exhaustion, burnout, and mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression. Masking may also contribute to identity issues, as individuals struggle to connect with their authentic selves.
In some cases, effective masking can even result in delayed or missed autism diagnoses, especially for girls and women who tend to be more adept at camouflaging.
Unmasking, or embracing one’s autistic identity, can offer numerous benefits. It can lead to improved mental health and well-being, as individuals no longer expend energy hiding their true selves.
By unmasking, autistic individuals can contribute to greater autism awareness and acceptance, promoting a more diverse and inclusive society that values neurodiversity.
Below are some ways in which you can help start your unmasking journey:
Notice your masking behaviors
Paul from Autism From The Inside explains, “The first step to slowly safely taking the mask off is to find out for yourself who you are and what you want when you’re alone.”
This involves exploring and accepting aspects of yourself that you might usually hide, including your sensitivities, needs for isolation, or unique interests.
Start paying attention to times when you may say something or force an expression that does not feel natural, such as agreeing with opinions you do not agree with or laughing along when everyone else does.
It can be helpful to write down your masking behaviors in a journal and then tackle each one at a time.
For example, I may notice that I often force eye contact during conversations, although this feels uncomfortable for me.
In my journal, I can now ask myself the following questions:
- Why do I engage in this masking behavior?
- What do I gain from this behavior?
- Is there anything I lose from this behavior?
I can write in my journal the following:
Why do I engage in this masking behavior? I engage in forced eye contact because I want the other person to know that I am listening to them and that I am not being rude by looking away. What do I gain from this behavior? I might gain approval and acceptance from the other person through this behavior, although this can be hard to prove. Is there anything I lose from this behavior? It takes a lot of effort for me to make eye contact so it can feel draining. I also find it harder to concentrate on what the other person is saying because I am spending too much time focused on making sure I am giving the right amount of eye contact and wondering if I am making a good impression.
Explore the authentic ‘you’
It can be common, especially for people who have masked for most of their lives, to have identity issues and not know who their real self is.
Finding out the real ‘you’ is something that might take a lot of time and be a continuous process on your unmasking journey.
Below are some questions you can reflect on while you are learning who you are:
- How would you describe your personality when you are alone or not conforming to others?
- What activities or topics genuinely excite or interest me, regardless of what others think?
- In what situations do I feel most comfortable and at ease?
- What situations cause me to burnout or feel anxious?
- What values are most important to me?
- What are my strengths or positive qualities?
As you come to live your life more authentically, you may drop things that do not align with you and pick up new things that do.
I came to realize that I had friends who did not share my values, and I would either not voice my real opinions or try to ignore the fact that we were not compatible as friends.
As time has gone on, I have tried to distance myself from people who do not align with my values and try to put more energy into those who do, even if this means forming connections with new people who help bring authenticity out of me.
“I’m learning about what genuinely makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Essentially I’m learning who I am underneath the mask, because every aspect of my identity was influenced by wanting to do and be whatever person would be acceptable to the world.”
Ella, an autistic woman, from Purple Ella
Try unmasking experiments
Dr. Devon Price, author of ‘Unmasking Autism‘ emphasizes that unmasking isn’t about instantly “taking off a mask” to reveal a fully-formed authentic self. Instead, it’s a gradual journey of rediscovery. He suggests thinking of it as adjusting a filter, slowly letting more of your authentic self show over time.
To begin unmasking, try out the following unmasking experiment:
- Identify your masking behaviors: Take time to identify the specific ways in which you mask, such as suppressing stimming, forcing eye contact, or scripting social interactions.
- Identify safe spaces and people: Start by finding supportive environments and relationships where you feel comfortable being your authentic self. It may be best to start with a trusted friend or family member.
- Set small goals: Begin by setting small, achievable goals for unmasking, such as stimming openly in a safe space or sharing a special interest with a trusted friend.
- Reflect on what happened: After the social situation, consider how it went. Did the other person respond well? Did they even notice that you were stimming?
- Gradually increase unmasking: As you become more comfortable, gradually increase your unmasking behaviors in different settings and with more people. Remember to go at your own pace.
Repeat this for the masking behaviors that you wish to drop or reduce. It is crucial to remember that unmasking is a personal journey and may look different for everyone.
Some individuals may choose to unmask in certain settings or with specific people, while others may feel comfortable unmasking more broadly.
Set boundaries
Setting boundaries is a crucial step in unmasking autism, allowing you to honor your authentic needs and reduce the pressure to conform to neurotypical expectations.
Here are some specific boundaries you might set:
- Limiting social interactions to a manageable number per week
- Communicating preferred communication methods (e.g., text over phone calls)
- Declining physical touch or hugs when uncomfortable
- Setting clear start and end times for gatherings
- Expressing dietary needs or restrictions without apology
- Requesting dimmed lights or quieter environments when possible
- Communicating the need for alone time, even with close friends or family
By consistently setting and maintaining these boundaries, you create a more comfortable environment for yourself, reduce stress, and conserve energy that might otherwise be spent on masking.
This practice encourages others to respect your autistic traits and needs, ultimately supporting your journey towards living more authentically.
Explain if you need to
If you are in a social situation and you want to drop your masking behaviors, it might be helpful to explain to others what you are doing and why.
This does not mean that you need to tell them that you are autistic if you do not want to disclose that, but you could say the following:
- For using neutral facial expressions: “This is my resting expression. Please don’t take it personally.”
- For not forcing eye contact: “Eye contact makes me uncomfortable, so I am going to look elsewhere, but please understand that I am listening to you.”
- For when you are stimming or fidgeting: “This helps me focus.”
- For when your facial expression may not display the felt emotion: “I feel (happy/upset/excited/angry) about that.”
- For special interests: “I tend to get very excited about this topic. Please let me know if I’m going into too much detail.”
- For needing breaks during social interactions: “I sometimes need a few minutes alone to recharge. If I step away, it’s not because I’m upset or uninterested.”
- For difficulty with unexpected changes or spontaneous plans: “I prefer to know what to expect in advance. Sudden changes can be challenging for me to process.”
By offering these explanations, you can help others understand your behaviors and needs, fostering better communication and reducing potential misunderstandings as you unmask.
Use masking when you need to
According to Dr. Devon Price unmasking is not simply about removing all masks and being completely unfiltered. Instead, it’s about learning to use masking strategically and intentionally.
Price acknowledges that sometimes masking is necessary or even helpful. He mentions that for some groups, like Black autistic individuals, masking can be “life-saving.”
He also suggests being selective with masking. The goal is not to completely stop masking, but to learn when it’s safe and beneficial to be more authentically yourself.
While masking can be useful, Price also notes that being more authentic can sometimes lead to better outcomes.
He gives an example of how this might look in practice: In a medical setting, he found that allowing himself to be more vulnerable and direct about his needs (less masked) resulted in better care. However, he chose not to explicitly disclose his autism diagnosis, illustrating how unmasking can be selective and strategic.
The goal is to make conscious choices about when to mask or unmask, always keeping in mind personal values and well-being.
Consider disclosing your diagnosis
Disclosing your diagnosis is a personal choice, but in some instances, it can help with your unmasking journey.
I have found that when I mention to certain people that I am autistic, I feel I can be more myself around them. While this may not work for everyone (only people I feel safe around), I’ve found that this disclosure helps break down that barrier for me.
Most people I have told have been very understanding and have asked interesting and respectful questions and it has opened up exciting discussions.
I’ve found that people are also more open to sharing about themselves when I am honest with them. As someone who has a strong interest in the brain and human behavior, I really enjoy getting into these conversations!
Dr Devon Price explains that it’s important to be selective about who you are vulnerable with. He suggests looking at people’s behavior to determine if they deserve to have your full disclosure.
If you decide to tell someone about your diagnosis, you could also explain to them what masking is and how you engage in these behaviors.
Megan Griffith, a neurodivergent life coach, suggests explaining to loved ones what masking is, why you did it, and how things might change as you unmask. This makes it easier to actually unmask around them.
Accept that some people may not like the unmasked you
Katie, who was diagnosed as autistic in adulthood, explains “As you unmask, it gets a lot easier to see who is genuine with you and who isn’t… because unmasking typically repels all the people who only want the masked you.”
Imagine you are friends with someone, but they have only known the masked version of yourself.
Your masked behaviors around them are that you use the same mannerisms as them, agree with all of their opinions, and portray yourself as a bubbly, optimistic person.
As you start to gradually reduce those masked behaviors and live more authentically, your friend is likely to notice these changes. How they respond to the unmasked version of you is their choice.
Some people might be surprised but happy that you are being true to yourself. Others might dislike that you have changed.
Some individuals might not like that you are no longer agreeing with everything they say or that you are setting boundaries.
Megan Griffith, a neurodivergent life coach explains that, “The key to unmasking is getting in touch with who you truly are and accepting that you cannot control other people’s reactions to that true self.”
It can be tempting to fall back into unhealthy masking behaviors for fear of losing someone. But try to remember that if they are not accepting of the real you, then they are probably not a true friend.
Find a neurodivergent community for support
Neurodivergent communities can provide valuable support throughout the unmasking process, aiding in self-discovery and acceptance.
Dr. Devon Price encourages joining neurodivergent communities, particularly on social media platforms. He explains that connecting with other neurodivergent people can trigger memories and realizations about your authentic self before masking.
He finds comfort in socializing with other neurodivergent individuals, creating spaces where he can forget about being perceived as “weird” in the wider world.
Below are some ways in which you can find supportive communities:
- Social media websites: There are specific autistic accounts on Instagram, Twitter, and Tik Tok for instance.
- Forums: There are neurodivergent forums but there are also forums to discuss your special interests, whatever they may be, and no matter how niche. This is a great way to find like-minded people who may also be neurodivergent.
- Meet-up groups: Take a look at meet-ups in your local area to see if there are any specific neurodivergent/autistic social groups.
- College/university groups: If you’re a student, check if your school has neurodiversity clubs or support groups.
- Workplace neurodiversity networks: Some companies have employee resource groups for neurodivergent individuals.
Review your progress
Paul from Autism From The Inside explains that while initially dropping the mask and showing your authentic autistic self can feel vulnerable; it ultimately leads to a sense of empowerment.
As discussed, unmasking certain behaviors is a continuous and gradual process, so it might be helpful to reflect on how far you have come.
A tip to do this is to make a list of what your ‘Masked Self‘ looks like, and then compare that with what your ‘Unmasked Self‘ looks like.
I will complete this exercise for myself in the table below as an example:
| My ‘Masked Self’ | My ‘Unmasked Self’ |
| Attending group social events to fit in | Meeting friends one-on-one and enjoying alone time |
| Dressing in a way to not draw attention to myself | Experimenting with different styles to find something that I enjoy |
| Keeping quiet in situations where people are sharing opinions | Voicing more of my own opinions even if they differ to others |
| Trying to suppress stimming and fidgeting in public | Keeping something in my bag to fidget with if I need it |
| Drinking alcohol in social situations to appear more sociable and relaxed | Limiting alcohol intake or choosing not to drink at all in social situations |
Try to complete this exercise every 6 months or so to review your progress. It can be helpful to write down and visibly see your progress because you might not feel that you have made that many positive changes until you actually sit and think about it.
You can also use this opportunity to write down some goals for the next 6 months but remember not to pressure yourself to fully drop the masking behavior as it can take a long time to unlearn something.
References
Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M. C., & Mandy, W. (2017). “Putting on my best normal”: Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions. Journal of autism and developmental disorders, 47, 2519-2534. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3166-5
Price, D. (2022). Unmasking autism: discovering the new faces of neurodiversity (First edition.). Harmony Books.
