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National Coming Out Day is a celebration of being open and free about your identity, which can feel so good. But if you’re wondering how to come out to family, friends, or anyone else in your life, it can be really hard to figure out where to start. Because, let’s be honest, coming out can feel pretty daunting before you do it, including concerns about how people will react to wondering how to begin the conversation. It would be helpful if there were some kind of guide to at least point you in the right direction. Thanks to the Trevor Project, now there is.
The Trevor Project, a suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ people, published Coming Out: A Handbook for LGBTQ People to help young people on this National Coming Out Day. Coming out is a highly personal experience and there’s no one “right” way to do it, but this guide gives some tips and best practices to help you come out in the best possible way for you.
The guide provides definitions of sexual orientation, gender expression, assigned sex at birth, and other terms you might find yourself explaining to people when you come out. It also provides explanations that can help you delve deeper into your identity, giving you the language and space to explore.
The guide also provides things to think about before coming out, like whether you’re in a safe environment and what risks there may be, ways to gauge how the person you’re coming out to might react, and the location in which you want to do it. The hope is always that the recipient of this information will react with love and support, but that’s not always the case, so the guide provides important resources to use in case you face rejection.
"LGBTQ young people contact the Trevor Project from all over the country to talk about how coming out might impact their relationships with friends, family, and peers, as well as their unique situations at home and school," said Tia Dole, chief clinical operations officer for the Trevor Project, in an email statement. "This handbook will help support LGBTQ youth as they explore what coming out safely can mean for them, even if that means choosing to not come out right now. Fear of rejection is a common topic raised by the young people we support, and we want them to know that the Trevor Project is here for them 24/7 to let them know that their identities are valid and that they are loved."
It’s important to remember that coming out isn’t just a one-time thing; it happens many times with many people. It also encompasses relationships with others and yourself. The Trevor Project handbook provides information on what healthy relationships look like and emphasizes the importance of taking care of yourself.
This National Coming Out Day, this resource is a great place to look if you’re hoping to share your identity but aren’t sure where to start. And it’s always worth saying that if you identify as LGBTQ but choose not to come out, that’s a valid decision and doesn’t make you any less queer. Coming out is a personal choice and a lot of factors can influence the ultimate decision. Wherever you are in your journey is exactly where you should be.
Young people in search of support in coming out can contact the Trevor Project's TrevorLifeline 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. Counseling is also available 24/7 via chat every day at TheTrevorProject.org/Help, or by texting 678-678.
Related: The Brigham Young University Valedictorian Came Out as Gay During His Graduation Speech