Dear Therapist: I Inherited Unwanted Family Secrets
I didn’t ask to be the custodian of their guilt and shame.
![A locked chest, with a family tree engraved on it, being opened—green smoke spills out](https://cdn.statically.io/img/cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/RrVI6tbDpzMKkYy8u2XFP8xVBNA=/1203x0:4297x3094/80x80/media/img/mt/2024/07/Family_secrets_final/original.jpg)
I didn’t ask to be the custodian of their guilt and shame.
I never asked for this role.
And my wife is very upset about me reconnecting with his mother.
How can I apologize to him, but also explain that he makes me feel small?
What do I owe them if they caused me pain growing up?
I’m a 70-year-old widow, and I don’t know how to get my needs met.
Now he has cut her off and expects an apology.
I think he may still have feelings for her.
She ruins the day, but guilt-trips me when I try to opt out.
Her soon-to-be husband abused her and traumatized me.