Distance doesn't need to doom your relationship

Saying goodbye to your significant other doesn't have to mean saying goodbye to your relationship.

Nina Wheeler found a great guy at Elizabethtown College. He was funny, sensitive and attractive. They dated for seven weeks, but as the end of second semester rolled around, they had to face an awful fact:

She lived in Worcester, Mass., but he lived in Dhaka, Bangladesh.

Long-distance relationships are a common occurrence during the college years and often an unavoidable consequence of dating that special someone.

“College creates more long-distance relationships because everyone pooling to the school from all different areas,” says Wheeler, adding that study-abroad programs also add distance to many relationships.

In addition, high-school sweethearts may find themselves separated when their colleges are far apart.

The sudden distance alters the very nature of the relationship, as once-loved habits such as snuggling and kissing become impossible. Some pairs that work well when in close proximity are unable to adapt to the distance.

“It seemed to me that whenever we communicated over phone or text besides being with each other physically, we fought,” says Long Island resident Aaron Kahen. His relationship became long-distance when his girlfriend, a year older, went to college while he stayed in high school. “I was great when we were together but we weren’t together too many times.”

But there is hope. The college environment can actually help spatially separated couples, vies Tufts University sophomore Vinny Amaru, who dated a girl attending the University of Delaware.

“In one sense, it makes it easier because you’re surrounded by other people your age with things to do so you’re not missing the other person," says Amaru. "But the flip side is because you’re surrounded by them, there are so many other promiscuous activities available.”

Due to those opportunities, some couples decide to have open relationships, in which each individual in the pair is emotionally but not physically loyal while they are apart. This method may help relieve tension by allowing for more freedom. Conversely, it may lead to increased tension as each person worries about what the other is doing.

If you do find yourself in a long-distance relationship, there are ways to ensure that your relationship endures:

• Trust in your significant other. “I had a previous long-distance relationship where trust wasn’t established and it was pretty miserable,” says Wheeler. If you have trust troubles when the relationship is close, then distance will almost certainly augment that worry. Of course, a lack of trust leads to doubt, which can often cause paranoia or over-protectiveness.
• Talk, and talk often. It may be difficult to find time amidst a full schedule, including extracurricular commitments and maintaining friendships, but conversation is a necessity. While your relationship is long-distance, it will be all you two have to keep in touch and make sure your lives don’t drift apart. Amaru enjoys communication because he can stay up-to-date on his girlfriend’s life and resolve issues that bother him. “For me, communication is the most important thing,” he says.
• Have fun, wherever you are! “I’d strongly try to avoid not having a good time in college because you miss your boyfriend or girlfriend,” recommends Kahen. He adds that some of his friends focused on the negative aspects of their relationships, causing them to get upset and break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend.
• If the time spent apart is lengthy, try to visit. “If it’s not too extreme, put in the time and money to see each other,” advises Wheeler. Seeing and being with your significant other in person refreshes old emotions and ensures the memory of physical closeness stays fresh.

College can cause couples to separate, but distance does not necessarily signify the end of a relationship. This challenge has the potential to help couples grow, and the reward of finally being able to embrace that special someone can be well worth the wait.

Jeremy Goldman is a Summer 2012 USA TODAY Collegiate Correspondent. Learn more about him here. Reach him via e-mail atjeremy.goldman@tufts.edu

This story originally appeared on the USA TODAY College blog, a news source produced for college students by student journalists. The blog closed in September of 2017.