Viewpoint: Single-mother households are more than just a statistic

Growing up, I often felt like I had the best of both worlds: A mom at home who shopped for clothes with me and pushed me to succeed and a dad my sister and I saw on the weekends who took us to the movies, museums and to the beach.

I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. Yes, I’ll admit there were times in my childhood when I had the whole Parent Trap fantasy. But in reality, having two homes was what I had known pretty much my entire life.

According to the Pew Research Center, 27% of children were living apart from their fathers in 2010. Regular father involvement has been linked with delayed sexual activity and reduced risk of adolescent pregnancy.

I’m not saying my father wasn’t involved in my life -- he was. But in my home, my mother was still the main person I turned to, the one who had the most influence in the main decisions of my life.

I’d like to make the case for those who, like me, lived in single-parent households.

The benefits of living with both parents are clear -- advice from both a mother and father’s perspective and the balance of both parents making decisions, to name a few.

But that all goes out the window when parents are not able to work together or get along. Conflict-ridden homes are terrible atmospheres for children. The home becomes filled with anxiety and tension, and children don’t see healthy relationships or healthy methods of solving conflict.

Sometimes living apart creates an atmosphere more conducive to loving support and open communication between family members.

I’ve come to see that if my parents did live together, it would have made my childhood much more stressful. When they are together, it is often an anxiety-filled experience. I can only imagine the stress that would have consumed my household if they had stayed together.

That’s not to say it was all easy -- yes, it was often hard watching my mother deal with the stress of raising three kids on her own, with much of the financial responsibilities left to her.

Watching my mother deal with those hardships, however, gave me a model of strength and perseverance and taught me what’s important in life. We might not have had the latest cellphones, but we learned to value relationships, education and our talents over material things.

Living with one parent can also give children an independence they might not reach as fast with two parents in the home. With my mom working and constantly running errands, I learned to entertain myself, do my homework without her help and make myself dinner earlier than other kids might have.

Some might think having two homes was like living out of a suitcase, but I actually enjoyed it.

Every other weekend was my time with my dad, and it created a stronger father-daughter relationship. Because my sister and I only saw him every other weekend, we made the most out of those weekends and bonded over fun activities.

Then at home, I had a mother who was strong enough to fill both the roles of mother and father while he wasn’t there. She was loving and caring but also strict and responsible, the one who planned my birthday parties, made every parent-teacher conference and told me I couldn’t leave the house with that outfit on and had to be home by midnight.

Growing up I often resented some of her rules, but I see now that she was trying to be both doting mother and authoritative parent. It couldn’t have been easy, and I turned out a better person from it.

Yes, the ideal situation would be to live in a home with two parents who love each other and are equal partners in raising their children. But the reality is, that’s not the case for a growing number of households.

I might have had a different life than some of my friends, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. It made me who I am today.

Annalisa Rodriguez is a Fall 2012 USA TODAY Collegiate Correspondent. Learn more about her here.

This story originally appeared on the USA TODAY College blog, a news source produced for college students by student journalists. The blog closed in September of 2017.