Colin Farrell: 'I'm just grateful I'm actually alive'

Colin Farrell stars in the new movie Seven Psychopaths, but in real life, he says his crazy days are behind him.

In 2006, the star, now 36, found himself in need of rehab. Too much fame, sex, drink, drugs, and everything else that goes with being a hot Hollywood commodity.

"The bottom line is I ended up miserable," he says in the November issue of Details. "I'd done enough of a job of flagrantly abandoning myself in a very loud and public way that I began to fall apart, you know?"

Now, he finds joy in being present and sober.

"I've never seen a moon in the sky that, if it didn't take my breath away, at least misplaced it for a moment," he says, unashamed by his own corny enthusiasm.

"When I was living a different way, I was probably profoundly bored. I had moments of elation. Now I never get (expletive) bored. I get excited about room-service menus! I really do. Even though the french fries are soggy as (expletive) and I still haven't figured out an exact way to open up that Heinz mini jar—sometimes it's my nails, sometimes it's my teeth. I'm just grateful that I'm actually alive, to be honest. Anytime I have a (expletive) mood, now it's some aspect of me that is present and is feeling whatever I'm feeling, and the same counts if I'm giddy or jocular. It's honest, it's real. That's quite simply the coolest thing. Everything is real now."

And, he adds, "Honestly, I've got eight hours a day now that I didn't have before, when I was drinking every day for 18 years."

His baby James, now 8, (

whom Farrell had with model Kim Bordenav) had an impact on his sobriety, too. "When I had James, I made a decision not to change. I literally said, 'I'm not changing! I'm gonna be his friend!' Like a (expletive) 28-year-old drug-addicted drunk friend is exactly what my 6-week-old son needs."

Farrell, who also has a son, Henry, 2, with actress Alicja Bachleda-Curuś, who he starred with in 2009 romantic drama Ondine, gets a kick out of fatherhood. "Not knowing what the (expletive) I'm doing as a dad is huge. I don't know what I'm doing, and that's a very liberating thing."

On future relationships, he says, "I haven't been in a relationship in a while. Two and a half years since I was with Henry's mother. If I ever do get involved with somebody again, I will try as much as possible to shut my (expletive) mouth and stay (expletive) present. Love in action, man! Not love in (expletive) words."