Dancing with the All-Stars ... on crack
So ... last week cranky Uncle Lenny challenged the All-Star duos to come up with something completely outside the box for this week's performance ... and he put the All-Stars in charge of coming up with the idea.
I know. It's like asking for a train wreck. On multiple tracks. All at the same time.
Did that come true? Weeellllllllll ... kinda. If you define train wreck as "ballroom on crack, with a heapin' side of Crazy Town." Which ... yeah. Except it was all pretty much freaking awesome. I love Ballroom Crazy Town! I think the threat of the double elimination has them all going a bit cuckoo for their Cocoa Puffs ... and whatever else they were puffing to come up with these theatrics. But the beneficiary was the viewer, aka ME!
So, let's get straight to the crazy, shall we?
1. Drew & Anna/cha cha cha. First up, we get Drew, who takes a routine from Season 5 and "remakes" it into a concert piece. Because he's a singer, yo. (Remember 98 Degrees? No? Well, Drew hasn't forgotten. Drew will never forget.) We get rehearsal clips, and while he's lightened up in some ways, he's still annoyingly pompous. Well, more specifically, he's seriously intimidated and insecure, but it manifests itself in pompous-like behavior, mixed in with a bit of dork. I just wish the dork side would come out more often so we could actually like him a little bit. Or more than we do now, anyway. Turns out the routine is pretty fierce, and they're both selling it big time, especially Anna, who apparently isn't used to going to the Sexy Side. (Since when? I mean, she's no Edyta, but did you see her lack-of-outfit last week???) I think the thing that bugs me with Drew is that he's supposed to be showing off and all ... but he's so aware he's showing off, it looks smug. I don't know how he can switch that part off, or at least make it more palatable, but he did dance very well. I hope going first doesn't hurt him. He bugs, but he definitely shouldn't go home with that performance. (Not that performance is an arbiter in who goes home this season ... that's just crazy talk.)
Judges likey: 8, 8, 8 = 24 Compared with this season, that's fair. And, naturally, when Brooke tells them it's their highest score of the season, Drew has to mention that that was his Week 2 score during his season, but, you know, he's OK with it. (Now....you and I both know he has his whole season on DVR and watches it like retired jocks watch their career highlight reels, am I right?)
Oh ... yay. Sneak peeks of major drama with Mark & Bristol. Sigh. I sense a fast-forward moment in my immediate future. You know, I'd like to think that kind of train-wreck reveal would work against them, but I fear it's just going to motivate the "poor Bristol, she needs us" voters. Please. Wherever you are, whoever you are. Listen to Frankie: Relax. Don't Do It.
2. Gilles & Peta/tango: The seriously underappreciated and underscored Gilles is resisting the "choose an iconic dance" thing. Then we find out that he's also kind of pissy that Apolo and Karina are doing one of his former dances, the fox trot he did with Cheryl. And, I see his point about being a little more tactful than to pick one by a fellow competitor and try to better it. (Which, ain't gonna happen. I love you, Apolo, but dude ...) So, Gilles grudgingly chooses, but out of respect he picks a dance by someone not competing this season. He picks the Erin Andrews/Maks tango. And ... then we see him hoisted up over the stage Cirque-style. What madness is this? Well, it's Gilles Madness, so I'm already forgiving him. So, he's dreaming ... and he's dreaming about Peta in a black merry widow with garters-and-stocking kinda lingerie deal ... and he likes it. A lot. In fact, he can't take his hands off of it ... or her. And, I find I'm OK with that. As I imagine Peta is. It's almost a little vampire-like, with all his facial expressions, but I sometimes feel he's just so into selling it that he's more focused on that than he really is on Peta, despite the fact that he's all over her the entire time. And I think they have palpable chemistry ... but it was oddly secondary here. And it shouldn't have been. Still ... smokin' routine. The crowd loses their collective minds.
Judges: 8.5, 8.5, 8.5 = 25.5 Fair score. This time.
3. Melissa & Tony/samba: (Originally done by JR Martinez) In rehearsal, Melissa shows us again why we admire her. Chick goes hard, and doesn't mind getting knocked on her (ridiculously fine) mommy butt. Seriously, if I could order a mommy butt out of the mommy butt catalog? I'd be ordering the Melissa Rycroft Mommy Model. Right before I added the Melissa Rycroft Mommy Abs to the cart. So, she keeps in the never-before-done trick ending ... and, can she do it? I'm thinking "yes" is a safe bet here. And? Ding ding ding ... I'm a winner! So is this routine. It's fun, superfast, packed with all the key elements and, boy, did they cover that dance floor or what? Personally, I thought the ending was a teeny bit awkward, but they pulled it off. Judges and audience lose their minds on this one.
Judges: 9, 9, 9 = 27 Highest score of the night ... and the season thus far.
And? That's just the beginning. There are living statues, kissing, shimmying, shaking and pretty much sex on the dance floor (Apolo, you naughty boy!) ... and? A burro. (No, not with Apolo.) Seriously, I can't make this stuff up. Swing on by my blog for the rest of the recap! And? Enter for a chance to win a copy of my Oct. 30 release, Babycakes, book three in the Cupcake Club series! Good luck! (And tell me ... who do you think is going home at tonight's big double elimination??? Yikes!!)
Donna Kauffman is a best-selling romance author. Her next release, Babycakes, comes out at the end of this month. And Random House is e-releasing her earlier Loveswept romances. Her website is DonnaKauffman.com.