Kristan Higgins and Jill Shalvis on bad gifts

Kristan Higgins and Jill Shalvis are at it again. This time, I caught them exchanging barbs … I mean, chatting about Christmas gifts — the good, the bad and the naughty. OK, well, maybe not the good. But definitely the bad and the naughty. As luck would have it, they both have books coming out this month. Imagine the timing! Jill's is a Lucky Harbor holiday treat, Under the Mistletoe (available now). Kristan's comes out Dec. 18, a reissue of her RITA-winning Too Good to Be True. (Note: No lizards were harmed during the production of this post. Earlier, maybe, but not during.)

KH: Happy Merry, Jilly Bean! Are you so excited for the holidays? More importantly, what are you getting me? I'm getting you a St. Bernard puppy! I feel that your four daughters just aren't cutting it these days. Your new baby's not housebroken, and he does already weigh 60 — oops, make that 70 pounds. Gosh, they grow so fast, don't they?

JS: If you get me a St. Bernard puppy, I'm sending you a baby elephant. You'll love him. He enjoys bathing in the living room and pooping in the kitchen. Also. he comes with a 3-ton mama elephant.

KH: Hey, Scrooge, easy there! So maybe no pets this year. Which does bring up the question ... what the heck are you buying your loved ones?

JS: A card that says, "Times are hard, here's your card?" No? Maybe not …

KH: How about "Your father and I are moving to Montana. Best of luck to both of you"? This does remind me, Jilly, of some bad presents I've given. The Chia head (listen, people! You can grow herbs in those things, OK? They're not JUST attractive decor suitable for home or office!). The time I gave McIrish a saucepan. (He wanted one! He said so! Maybe not for Christmas, but he wanted that thing!)

JS: What's the worst gift YOU'VE ever been given? Mine might be the time the girls gave me a lizard ...

KH: Stop right there. I know how this story ends. With a funeral. You killed it, didn't you, Jill? You took that innocent life.

JS: Hey, not right away.

KH: You're definitely not getting a puppy! How dare you even ask for a puppy! OK, my best worst gift was a tool box from McIrish. Who does ostensibly live with me and knows me, but for some reason decided that my life wouldn't be complete without my very own red toolbox. And, no, there wasn't a tennis bracelet or even earrings inside. There weren't even socks. There were tools. I mean, yes, they made good missiles when hurled at his head ... And the ironic thing is, now, even on those one or two occasions each decade when I do need a hammer, is mine in my toolbox? No. It is not. How about you, Jill?

JS: One time I put out hints that I wanted a trip. I was thinking warm beach and gentle surf and room service. What I got was tickets to the NCAA final four. Alpha Man was confused at my reaction, which wasn't quite the one he was looking for … men.

KH: So this was the first Alpha Man? Because you divorced that other guy, of course ... OK, another great bad gift in male gift-giving history: My father decided my mom really, really wanted a camp toilet. I am not lying about this. And a camp toilet he gave her ... basically a plastic toilet seat on a metal stand for us to take camping, back when I was too young to petition the courts to become a ward of the state. Dear old Dad's been gone for more than 20 years, but Mom is still mad at him.

JS: Ah, the joy of watching a man screw up. One time my dad gave my mom a new toaster. She told him in no uncertain terms that the only electrical gift allowed between a man and woman couldn't be bought at an appliance store. I was 5 at the time so I didn't get that one until much later. Even now the memory is one of those that makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit. :) The day after Mom got the toaster, it caught fire. Coincidence?

KH: I think not! OK, men, so don't buy us tickets to sporting events (unless it's for me to see the Yankees play AND be kissed by Derek Jeter) ... don't buy us kitchen appliances or tool boxes ... don't shop at Ace Hardware or the corner 7-Eleven ... what else, Jilly?

JS: Homemade coupons. They don't work. I have to admit, I've done this, promised a whole bunch of things that I have no intention of ever delivering on. :)

KH: I concur! I mean, sure, it's great to see a face light up on Christmas morning, but please! An hour-long foot rub? In whose galaxy? Oh, wait. You weren't talking about foot rubs, were you?

JS: I was talking about things like making the bed and picking up the towels, Higgins. What were YOU talking about?

KH: Nothing! Nothing. Me, too, I mean. You know what can't fail in the old gift department, Shalvis?

JS: I'm afraid to ask.

KH: A good boink. Book! I meant book! A book makes a great present no matter what the season. And you have one out today, am I right?

JS: Yesterday, my darling. Under the Mistletoe, a Lucky Harbor holidays story, available wherever e-books are sold for $1.99. A deal, right? A feisty heroine, a hot-as-all-get-out hero. A perfect gift, right? Hey, Higgins, you have a reissue this month, yes??

KH: I do indeed. Too Good to Be True, which won the 2010 Romance Writers of America RITA award, beating out a certain favorite author of mine ... On sale Dec. 18, and very attractive in a stocking!

JS: You most definitely did beat me out for that RITA, Higgins, but I got you last year. :) I'm off. Heading out to go shopping for that baby elephant for you ...

KH: Happy shopping, Shalvis! And remember: books or Chia heads. They're the gifts that keep on giving.

Kristan and Jill are giving one lucky commenter one of each of their books, per the winner's request! Leave a comment, and you could win. (You can comment through midnight ET Sunday, Dec. 9. Winners will be notified on Monday, Dec. 10.)

Kristan Higgins and Jill Shalvis are great friends and also New York Times and USA TODAY best-selling authors (and both are winners of the Romance Writers of America RITA award, too!). Visit them on Facebook (Jill, Kristan) or at their websites, www.kristanhiggins.com and www.jillshalvis.com.

So, HEA readers, what's the worst Christmas gift you've ever gotten (or given)?