'American Horror Story' recap: And then there were three

Justin Kirkland

Special to USA TODAY

Spoiler alert: Stop here if you don't want to know what happened in last night's bonkers episode.

Remember last week’s super casual episode when someone’s leg was eaten and everyone was slashed and Agnes had that head-splitting headache? Welcome back.

Let’s not forget to pour one out for Rory, Matt and Agnes with the good gash. But let’s catch up with the team.

Shelby and Dominic

We last saw, Shelby and Dominic were watching Agnes die.

As they try to escape the house (mind you, while never turning off their cell phone cameras!), they run into that pesky wall-climbing Chen family. They retreat back upstairs and Shelby falls apart, saying she can’t make it without Matt.

Save your tears, Shelbs. As Dominic comforts her, the whole ghost gang goes full throttle, attacking the duo. The chandelier falls on Shelby’s ankle, begging the question: How much trauma can one ankle take? Answer: More than Shelby’s emotions can. Crazy pants takes her final bow and cuts her own throat after admitting she killed the only man she ever loved.

(Leg of) Lee

Lee is still in the hot seat, getting ~~her leg cut off~~ primed for harvest. They keep her alive because, as my father once told me while hunting, dead meat is bad meat. They also cut off her ear as a Christmas present. She sort of befriends Brother Polk, who admits he just wants to be on TV. Lee offers to help him, but that upsets him because you can’t just leave Polk farm. This is like the LOST island, but more carnal, ya know?

To ease the tension, Brother Polk does some cocaine and offers some to Lee, who declines because she’s an addict. Mind you, she’s missing an ear and a good chunk of thigh, but I respect her brief determination. She gets Brother Polk to let her record a video for Flora admitting to Mason’s murder, which is honestly just impressive considering that masterful web-work. Afterward, she manages to seduce Brother Polk before killing him and setting herself free.

Monet and Audrey

The Snack Sisters ™ are still hanging out with the Polks, who are upset about some broken teeth in their collection. They decide to replace their collectables by taking from Monet, but she breaks free and beats the bejesus out of Brother Polk Jr before abandoning Audrey. Mama Polk sends them after her, staying behind to collect one of Audrey’s teeth. Audrey insists she paid good money for her chompers, but that doesn’t stop Mama from taking one. When it seems Audrey’s fate is sealed, Lee hobbles in and attacks from behind. Determined to put a rest to Winter’s Bone: Reloaded, Audrey bashes Mama’s head in with a hammer, for Rory and Queen and country, probably.

When they get back to the house, Lee’s opinion of head bashing is tainted when she finds Matt’s brain mash. Audrey says whoever did it is probably still in the house, and we’re all collectively like, “Sure, kind of.” They make their way upstairs for medicine, and by medicine, I mean marijuana. Audrey finds Shelby’s body and screams, “I FEEL LIKE PART OF ME IS DYING WITH HER.” Classic Audrey.

Dominic explains how Shelby killed Matt, but Audrey and Lee aren’t buying it. They lock Matt out of the room, and Piggy Man is waiting in the wings to kill him. As Dominic dies, Audrey takes a moment to record a video for her fans. As for Monet, who knows where she is, but Lee is hellbent on getting the videotape where she admitted to murder. But as the two women leave the house, they run into Piggy Man, who screams, “Stop! It’s me!” He removes his head and Audrey says, “Dylan?”