The best jokes from Lily Tomlin's SAG speech (and Dolly Parton's intro)

It may be outside of the 9 to 5 work day, but Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton really went to work at the Screen Actors Guild Awards.

Parton presented her co-star from 9 to 5 with SAG's lifetime achievement award on Sunday night, and the two legendary women brought a big dollop of humor to the ceremony. Parton started things off with several jokes about her décolletage and Tomlin came back with some advice for your friend who's too drunk at the party. We rounded up the best jokes from both of their speeches.

From Dolly

• "My goodness look at this room all these special people, I almost didn’t get in. Seriously I didn’t. They kept wanting to see my IDs. Well I think it was ‘IDs’ maybe it was ‘double Ds’ something like that. Glad to get that off my chest. Jane (Fonda) and Lily are not my only two famous girlfriends."
• "I might say that Lily is receiving an award I’ve spent my whole life trying to avoid. Sag award? If I see something sagging, dragging and bagging I’m gonna call Dr. Markowitz to get that nipped up and sucked right away."
• People have been saying for years that we should do a sequel to 9 to 5. We better get at it or we’ll have to call it 95."

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From Lily

• What a week this has been though. And so you are kind of anticlimactic. Did you hear? The doomsday clock has been moved up to two-and-a-half minutes before midnight. And this (lifetime achievement) award it came just in the nick of time.
• When the great Ruth Gordon received an Oscar for the first time at 72 she said ‘I can’t tell you how encouraging a thing like this could be.’ Wait a minute I just realized I’m older than Ruth Gordon was at that point.
• Somehow I learned how to turn my flaws into spiritual lessons. I must say watching Oprah really helped.
• And now after 50 years in the business I find young actors are asking me for sage advice hoping for nuggets of wisdom. So along with telling them to wear sunscreen I suggest a few other things I think you may find helpful: Don’t leave the house when you’re drunk. And if you’re already out there, well you must learn to tell when you’ve had too much to drink. Listen to your friends -- when they stop talking to you and start talking about you, saying things like ‘did she have a purse?’
• Don’t be anxious about missing an opportunity, behind every failure is an opportunity someone wishes they had missed. Meryl (Streep) is laughing at this and there’s absolutely no time she’s been a failure.
• Live your life so that when you are being honored for your achievements, the people called upon to make laudatory remarks can feel reasonably honest about their comments. Otherwise in these times all their words or a phrase might be perceived as ‘alternative facts’ or worse yet ‘fake news.’
• I feel like I’m just getting started. What sign should I make for the next march?
• I’m just really grateful. I’m so glad this speech is almost over.
• As long as I don’t have to audition, I may be back.

See more images from the SAG Awards below.