Tom Brady butchering 'Hamlet' is a tragedy you can't miss

We found something that Tom Brady cannot do. Perform "Hamlet."

But it happened. And it was pretty terribly fantastic on "The Late Show With Stephen Colbert" that aired Thursday night. 

The New England Patriots star quarterback went all in performing portions of the famed Shakespeare play for a comedy segment that featured Colbert's staff asking burning questions to the Super Bowl-bound New England Patriots and Los Angeles Rams.

Brady, 41, was asked if he had plans for life after football. 

"After football, I'm going to play baseball," the scruffy-faced Brady said with a straight face. "And after baseball, I'm going to play Hamlet."

He then pulled out a skull to re-create the scene in which Hamlet laments the death of his beloved court jester. Brady dove into what we think was an English accent.

"Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well," he said, really hitting on the bits like "infinite jest" and "excellent fancy."

The skit came back to Brady destroying the famed "To be or not to be" soliloquy —more Lawrence Taylor than Sir Laurence Olivier. But he owned it.

Cut to Rob Gronkowski pushing Puppy Meth and then back to Brady mangling another soliloquy.

Finally, to ensure that relations between Britain and the U.S. remain at an all-time low, the skit circled back to Brady for a final offense.

"The rest is silence," Brady lamented, thankfully, before the curtain dropped.

Bravo.