'How can I understand I don't have to sleep with someone for them to like me? I keep forgetting.'

I was recently sent an interesting question by a reader in need of some advice: “How can I understand that I don't have to sleep with someone for them to like me? I keep forgetting.”

We’ve been told over and over that in order to be liked we must serve a purpose in a relationship or give the other person something they want. Often, but not always, we assume that what the other person wants is sex. Why? Because society has repeatedly reinforced this assumption.

But this concept of being "useful" or "seducing" our way into a relationship is a harmful perspective that many have accepted and internalized over time. It motivates behaviors like people-pleasing and self-betrayal.