Kennedy social secretary Letitia Baldrige dies

• Through books and columns, Baldrige meted out manners with humor
• Her rules evolved with the times, and technology
• She was not above self-reproach

Letitia Baldrige, the mighty manners maven who taught America everything from how to eat a salad tastefully to how to walk down the aisle gracefully, died Monday in Bethesda, Md., reports The New York Times. She was 86.

Baldrige emerged as an empress of etiquette during the Kennedy White House, as the first lady's social secretary (officially, her chief of staff). But her impact endured for decades thereafter, as an author, newspaper columnist and all-around expert on civility.

But Baldrige was no fusty, finger-wagging school marm. Standing 6-foot-1 and known as "Tish," she meted out manners with a side of humor.

"We ought to be vigilantes for kindness and consideration," she told USA TODAY in 2002. "If somebody is disrespecting somebody, we should step in — even at the risk of getting slugged over the head."

She called cellphones "hellphones" and applauded the few who used them correctly. "I love people who lurk behind columns" in public spaces, whispering into their devices, Baldrige said. "I go up and say, 'Good for you.' "

She had a rule book for rites, however. "There are people who don't really care about traditions," she told USA TODAY in 2001. "They want a cute wedding, and this desire of cuteness is paramount."

Trendy theme weddings "are not eternal," she said. "They fade in and out of popularity with amazing speed. You may think Barney (the purple dinosaur) is hysterically marvelous one year and the next year think, 'What? I did that?' "

Nonetheless, the Miss Porter's and Vassar graduate (Jackie Kennedy's alma maters, as well) adjusted her rule book to the changing times. And perhaps no change has affected the rules of civility as much as technology. Regarding e-mail, she told USA TODAY a decade ago: "Most people don't even bother to put their names. You get some initials and a phone number. It's sort of like having a dinner with two courses and no dessert, no end of the meal." She turned her nose up at the trend toward shortened sign-offs when it came to electronic missives: "Soon," "All best" and "Best."

But she wasn't above scolding herself for mannerly mishaps (minor as they were). A lifelong re-gifter (gasp!), Baldrige told USA TODAY in 2001 that she once sent a silver picture frame to a business associate. "He said to me wryly one day, 'That was a wonderful engraving job.' " Baldrige's initials were etched into the back.