Q&A: Ways to fight loneliness during the holidays
Set realistic expectations and don't isolate yourself. Get out as much as you can.
The holidays are supposed to be a time to eat, drink and be merry, but sometimes it's hard to be happy if you feel lonely and isolated.
USA TODAY asked Mary Karapetian Alvord, 62, a psychologist in Rockville, Md., for her best advice on preventing loneliness. She's the co-author of Relaxation and Wellness Techniques: Mastering the Mind-Body Connection.
Q: Why is loneliness sometimes worse during the holidays?
A: Part of the problem is that expectations are unrealistic. Everyone thinks they are supposed to be happy and surrounded by lots of people all the time. They think everybody is supposed to be really busy. That's not the case for a lot of people, and many people are disappointed because of this and feel sad and lonely.
If you've been working your whole life and suddenly you are not in that environment, you may miss jovial events around you during the holidays. If you have suffered a loss, not just a job or move, but have lost someone through death or divorce, the holidays can be particularly challenging. Sometimes you can be surrounded by others, but still feel alone.
Sometimes retired people have moved away and may be in a new community. Or perhaps their friends have moved away or are limited in their mobility. Their whole social network may have been disrupted. They may not have family around for the holidays. And, if they are not active or enjoying activities, they feel as if they are not needed.
Q: What can people do to avoid feeling lonely and blue?
A: The best way to prevent loneliness is interacting with other people. If you are really lonely, you need to get out and mingle. The key is to think about this in advance.
Be proactive. Don't isolate yourself. Go shopping. Go to the movies. Give of yourself. Volunteer. Work in a soup kitchen. Volunteer at a local preschool or school. Go to a church or synagogue to find activities. Visit craft fairs between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Find something you really like to do and do it. Perhaps even do it with a friend or neighbor.
Q: Any other advice would you offer retirees for this time of year?
A: If you find you are depressed, reach out and call a hotline and seek a mental health professional. It is a hard time of year because of the expectations. But don't get into habits like drinking too much alcohol.
Q: Can loneliness impact your health?
A: Yes. There is a clear mind-body connection. We know that if you are unhappy or stressed, your health is impacted. Disrupted sleep, muscle tension, headaches and general tension can be associated with emotional distress. Research shows that a feeling of belonging and being important to someone or being needed even affects your longevity.
Q: How can people be more resilient?
A: A key to resilience is knowing that while you can't control or change everything, there are many aspects of your life that you can impact. Think about the parts of your life that you are grateful for, and what is going well. It's important to keep things in perspective. And, by all means take care of yourself. Get enough sleep and good nutrition.
Sometimes a change in feelings can follow a change in behavior. So, smile, get out, be active. It can help improve your mood.