Q&A: Love letter to ex-wife proves popular, controversial

A writer in New Jersey is wearing his heart on his sleeve and people are taking notice.

Anthony D'Ambrosio, 29, contributed two columns recently about relationships to the Asbury Park Press, a Gannett publication.

His first one, "Cheating goes far past sex," urging readers to put down their mobile devices and focus on their partner, was read by more than 5 million.

D'Ambrosio's second column, which published Monday on USATODAY.com and other Gannett properties, is called "To my ex-wife: I wish I would have held you tighter." The personal message is detailed in some areas, like how he felt proposing, but short on other info, like why the relationship ended.

"As I read this I found myself within your story, feeling your joy, sadness, shattered life, hope and strength," Margie Santos wrote in the story's comments.

"Dude, this was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read," reader Mike Martin wrote.

But there are critics in the crowd as well.

"Very self indulgent and over dramatic," reader Rachelle Brown wrote. And Gawker published a story calling D'Ambrosio's letter "not only a selfish move, but an aggressive one, with no regard for the ex's feelings."

USA TODAY Network asked D'Ambrosio some of the questions his letter raised.

Q: So you've written two columns now about relationships that have been really popular online. Why did you decide to write them?

A: Well I think writing in general has always been a passion of mine. I've never really shared it with anyone because I never felt that words could impact, but when I went through my divorce I realized that I had a pretty unique view on relationships and life.

I felt like I had nothing to lose.

Q: Why do you think they seem to resonate with certain people?

A: I'm not afraid to say the things that some people are afraid to say. I know that most men are not courageous enough, if that's the right word, to speak their minds or share their emotions about things. [...] I'm a little disappointed in how people treat each other and I wanted to change that.

I'm an old soul and I believe in old love and so for me it's about being able to put words down on paper that people can feel.

Q: What happened between you and your former wife?

A: In eight years of being together, people make mistakes and you grow. We grew up together since we were 18 years old. We spent some of the most difficult years growing up together and we did things we weren't proud of.

The point of the letter was to share what I felt for a woman, not to expose the details of what went wrong. Those details I will always keep private.

Q: The letter shares some fairly personal memories from your time together like the day you proposed and a Valentine's Day trip you took to Atlantic City. Do you think she minds that you shared that information?

A: No, I don't see why she would. I can't speak for her. I don't know what she feels. [...] When I wrote it, I wrote it very carefully. I wanted to make sure that what I said had an impact. I wrote this for her. I wasn't writing it for attention.

[The memories] were some great moments, but over eight years there were hundreds of them, thousands of them. I could have wrote for days, but I picked those particular ones because they exuded an emotion in me at that time that carried over with me for all those years.

Q: In another Q & A after your first column, you said "In fairness to both of us, I will always keep our relationship and past private." But you've gone on to write more. Do you still consider that you're keeping the details private?

A: I still believe that I've upheld my promise that I'd keep details of my relationship and past private. The audience wants to find out what happened. [But] if you talk about memories of a relationship that doesn't expose details.

Q: There is a lot of speculation. Did you cheat on your wife or did she cheat on you?

A: Those are the details of my relationship and I'm not interested in sharing. It was way beyond all of that. [...] I'm not hiding anything. I apologized for any wrong doing and people can interpret that however they want.

Q: Do you communicate with her anymore?

A: No. I respect her life and she respects mine. We don't speak ever. I have to say that we are pretty cordial if we happen to see each other, but I think it was best for both of us to not stay in contact with each other.

Q: Do you know whether or not she read the letter?

A: I don't know. I'm pretty sure she got wind of it. We know a lot of the same people and I'm pretty certain she read it.

Q: Is she with someone else?

A: I believe so. I'm not sure. Last I heard, yeah.

Q: Are you dating someone else?

A: No.

Q: Do you think you'll ever get back together?

No. I didn't write the letter to lure her back to my life. People think I wrote trying to win her back and to apologize for something. [...] I wanted closure because over the past couple years that we've been apart there's been a lot of animosity, I guess you can say.

Q: In your letter, you write, "I'm happy. I've found peace." But some might wonder if that's true since you're still writing long love letters to her. What would you say to someone who might ask that?

A: I've learned a lot about who I am and where I'm going and my purpose in the world. In going through what I went through I found writing to be therapeutic. I found peace knowing that she's found her happiness and that one day I will find mine as well.

I'll love her for the rest of my life. There's no question. I haven't been a part of her life for a long time but when you love someone that deeply you love them for the rest of your life. It's a letter out of love, it's not a letter out of remorse.

D'Ambrosio declined to give his ex-wife's name or her contact information for this article. He said he plans to write more about relationships in the future.

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