Why should NCAA teams pay players when they can just keep committing recruiting violations?

Look, call me old school, but I don't think big NCAA programs need to start paying college athletes.

Is it fair that a hyper-talented kid like Zion Williamson should risk his health and his future minting money for Duke for a year before he's allowed to play in the NBA? No, of course not. Should video-game companies and big football schools reap millions of dollars from the physical toil of freakishly gifted young athletes without compensating them financially? No, that definitely seems unfair.

But excuse me for being nostalgic, but I can remember a time big NCAA programs could rely on a little thing called "egregious recruiting violations" to secure the services of top athletes. Sure, today's teenage megastars might deserve payment for the work that's going to earn their schools millions, but they also need role models they can trust. And what better way for a coach to foster his players' faith than to let them know, implicitly or explicitly, that he so badly wants them playing basketball on his team that he will literally risk going to jail to have that happen.

Seriously, what's up with all this newfangled backlash to the NCAA's long history of flouted rules? Are these Millennial coaches just too lazy to work out arrangements with car-dealing program boosters to "lease" high-end SUVs to their players on the cheap? Is there no longer a pipeline of big donors offering specious and high-paying work-study jobs to people over 6'6″ with deadeye jumpshots?

And yeah, sometimes it gets extremely, extremely shady, even to the point of full-blown moral turpitude, but sometimes you can curry a key player's favor with a gesture as simple as having Drake show up to perform at team events. Do the top-fight high-school athletes your basketball program so covets have lousy taste in music? Great news, you booked Drake.

Don't forget: These kids don't just go to college to play sports, they're there to learn. And what better way to develop creativity in your student-athletes than to demonstrate to them the various back-channel ways you've figured out to funnel them money? Maybe it sometimes forces them off the court, and maybe it sullies their reputations. But does anyone care now that Chris Webber got lots of money to go play at Michigan? These kids have a long and bright future of pro-sports stardom that will make people forget all about the totally understandable decisions they made to accept money for their incredible athletic gifts and drive.

And the system's just perfect, because if things really get out of hand, the NCAA can vacate wins. That'll teach 'em! Do former Ohio State football players look back fondly on their win in the 2010 Sugar Bowl? Trick question: Didn't even happen. Did Louisville hoops stars celebrate their 2013 NCAA Championship? They shouldn't have, because years later it would be retroactively undone.

You can talk all the sense you want about the broken system needing an overhaul, but if it wasn't for that meddling FBI we could just go on enjoying the sweet and delightfully sketchy machinations of coaches risking everything to negotiate an exploitative system and compensate inordinately talented young people for efforts that will make their employers tons and tons of money.

Tuesday's big winner: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

In addition to being the NBA's all-time leading scorer and an integral part of the Airplane cast, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is righteous and wise. The 19-time NBA All-Star turned writer and activist announced that he will auction off memorabilia from his career - including four championship rings - to benefit his foundation aimed at teaching kids about science, technology, engineering and math.

"Instead of gazing at the sparkle of jewels or gold plating celebrating something I did a long time ago," Abdul-Jabbar wrote, "I'd rather look into the delighted face of a child holding their first caterpillar and think about what I might be doing for their future."

I want to hug this very tall man, even if it'd mean getting a face full of navel. Stuff is just stuff, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar will never need mementos to prove to anyone that he is, in fact, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Quick hits: Ja Rule, Harden, Mike Marjama

- Fresh off attempting to hex the Minnesota Timberwolves for mocking him on Twitter, rapper and beef-magnet Ja Rule declared that the Sacramento Kings "WILL NEVER WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP EVER" because they, too, mocked him on Twitter.

- NBA superstar and beard pioneer James Harden just finished a stretch of scoring 30 or more points in 32 straight games, but is he the best scorer of his generation? I am not in any way qualified to answer this question but my gut tells me it's impossible to determine, because a player's offensive opportunities are always going to be dictated by his teammates to some extent. That should make it a fun thing to fight about.

- Charles Curtis has a fascinating Q&A with former Major League catcher Mike Marjama, who is now an ambassador for the National Eating Disorders Association. Marjama battled body dysmorphia in high school and wants to reduce the stigma associated with eating disorders and mental-health issues. It's worth your time.

Weird sport Wednesday: Florentine football

In Florence, Italy - and only Florence, Italy - locals play a variant of soccer known as "Florentine football." Based on what rare footage is available online, it appears to be the most psychotic sport ever played. Sometimes it looks like rugby, but then sometimes it looks like boxing, and then other times dudes start trying to gouge each other's eyes out. And it all happens in extremely silly pants.