The real national champions are youth basketball coaches everywhere
Ted Berg writes the Morning Win newsletter for For The Win. Yell at him on Twitter at @OGTedBerg or via email at AskTedBerg@gmail.com.
Despite the best efforts of Ted Cruz and some people who snuck tortillas into a sporting event for purposes unrelated to eating them, the Virginia Cavaliers won the NCAA championship on Monday with an 85-77 overtime win over the Texas Tech Red Raiders. It's in the "One Shining Moment" video and everything.
The 85-77 final represents something of a barn-burner for a Virginia team that averaged 71.3 points per game - 211th in the nation - and held opponents to an astonishing 55.5 points per game with its relentless "pack-line" defense. It represents the school's first ever national championship, and perhaps more importantly, it is a massive, unforgettable win for hardo youth basketball coaches everywhere.
There's layers to it - at least two. I'll start with the obvious: Under handsome coach Tony Bennett, Virginia plays a variety of basketball that might euphemistically be called "deliberate" or "methodical" by people trying to avoid use of the term "boring."
They suck up every second of the shot clock to ensure they get good looks on offense. They make the extra pass, they find the open man, they move without the ball, they stick to the game plan, they take no breaks on defense, they learn from their mistakes. They're essentially the embodiment of every coaching cliche, and it works for them: Virginia won back-to-back ACC titles on the strength of good, fundamental basketball.
I haven't entered a middle school since I served as a substitute teacher in one a few times in 2004, so I'm far out of touch with the world of middle-school basketball here in 2019. But I'm going to go ahead and assume the coaches are still armed with chrome whistles, tiny polyester shorts and unselfish team-first mentalities, and all those guys are so happy right now. You know how frustrating it must be to try to coach kids who've fallen in love with James Harden breaking ankles in isolation or Steph Curry drilling 30-foot jumpers?
Now they have their champion: The methodical, deliberate 2018-19 Virginia Cavaliers, of the smart shots and well executed chest passes and hands up on defense. I'm not saying it's bad. Kids should learn fundamentals so they can flout them with awesome and ill-advised dunking once they grow taller. I'm just saying it's a dream scenario for people who expect 11-year-olds to be able to follow the plays they draw up on those little half-court whiteboard things instead of just passing the ball to the good kid.
Oh, and wait: It gets even better! There's a whole redemption narrative to it, too, because just last year, Virginia became the first-ever No. 1 seed to lose in the first round of the tournament. Oh how they trolled coach Tony Bennett! People doubted them this year, too.
Just think of the fodder this provides for halftime speeches everywhere. "OK, guys, we lost last game and the game before that, and we have no absolutely no answer for the 6'1" kid on the other team who already has chest hair, but you know who else famously lost? The University of Virginia Cavaliers. And the next year they came back, kept playing patient and fundamentally sound basketball, creating opportunities for their teammates and hustling on defense, and all they did was win a national championship."
This is your day, coach. Drink it up like a tiny paper cup of store-brand sports beverage.
Monday's big winner: Charles Barkley
Sir Charles got booed off stage at a Katy Perry concert in Minneapolis for saying that the Timberwolves suck. This is the difference between Minneapolis and New York: If someone got up on stage at Madison Square Garden and said, "It's been a while since I've come here because the Knicks suck," every Knicks fan in the crowd would cheer that person and possibly advocate for him or her to become the Knicks' new head coach. Charles Barkley just picked the wrong venue.
Quick hits: Mahomes, Chris Davis, Trout
- NFL star Patrick Mahomes was at the national championship game to cheer on Texas Tech, but he had to tape over an Under Armour logo on his shirt due to his deal with Adidas. But he actually wrote out "Adidas" on the tape, which I guess is a funny thing to do, but also kind of turns my stomach. I don't know. This is a lost battle, but people seem way too eager to make themselves billboards. You couldn't find a single Texas Tech shirt without a big, obvious logo on it somewhere? Probably not; everything is branded. Makes me nuts.
- Orioles first baseman Chris Davis broke an MLB record with his 47th consecutive hitless at-bat. He'd tack on two more hitless at-bats before the end of the night. Our Chris Korman offered some advice to Orioles fans on how to handle their struggling slugger. My take is, nothing this guy's going to do is going to make the difference between the Orioles and a good baseball team in 2019. They still owe him a ton of money, and if he's ever going to sort things out, he needs to be playing. It's hard to watch, and his upside at this point is pretty limited, but maybe he'll start laying off more breaking balls and at least hit a few dingers.
- Monday marked the 2019 debut of Mike Trout Monday. Read it and tell all your friends. Mike Trout is so good. If you can't talk about Mike Trout without lamenting the fact he's not more famous, these posts are for you. I'm out here trying.
- I also wrote this long thing about Game of Thrones that really angered a bunch of people who couldn't read past the headline or appreciate the obvious sarcasm therein. People who don't get jokes are also way too sensitive. It's not like you're the one making the show.