Staying Apart, Together: Hanging on to the motivation I can muster

On Sunday, I baked some macarons. 

A year ago, that sentence wouldn't have been a big deal. At the beginning of the pandemic, and indeed for much of the time before it, I spent a lot of my weekends baking. It's one of my favorite hobbies. I love the science of putting eggs, flour, sugar and other ingredients into the oven and a cake coming out. I love baking for others. I love turning my kitchen into a flour-covered mess in exchange for something beautiful to eat. 

Lately, however, I haven't felt like it. My motivation for all the necessary parts of my life (like work, taxes and housework) has waned in recent months as I've struggled with my mental health. As the pandemic has waged on, I've also been unmotivated to pursue many of my hobbies. It's easier to read or watch TV, or nap. It's hard enough to get dinner on the table, let alone a five-layer cake that only my husband and I will eat. 

But on Saturday I took down some of my favorite baking books and started flipping through them. By Sunday I was ready to bake. I went for macarons. They weren't perfect, and my plans to fill them were interrupted by having to watch the Oscars for work, but it made me happy to get my hands dirty again. (My macarons did not look nearly as good as the ones in the stock photo.) 

Going stir crazy?Master these advanced cooking techniques from homemade pasta to macarons

Now I'm dreaming up spring cakes and pies to bake this weekend. I'll hold onto this spark of motivation and excitement as long as it lasts. 

Today's advice for women: Say no

If you're a woman, when was the last time you said "no" to a friend, your partner, a colleague or your kid?

My coworker Alia Dastagir wrote a great piece on why women are socialized to always say yes to everything, even if its detrimental to themselves. She writes:

Experts in gender say women are socialized to serve and acquiesce. Natalie Lue, author of the forthcoming book "The Joy of Saying No," said women are conditioned to believe that their existence is for the consumption of other people. 

"We must give, not take, or we only earn the right to take, to receive, if we've given enough, and so we constantly feel inadequate because we are taught that it's our job ... to be good and to be appeasing," Lue said. ...

Lue advises women to observe their behavior for a week. Your feelings when you're saying yes, she said, can offer major clues about where to set limits.

"If you're saying yes because you're afraid ... that's the wrong reason to say yes. Say yes in an honest, authentic way, and you will feel better about yourself even if other people feel uncomfortable," she said. "When you are aware of who you are and what you need, you have a much clearer idea of what you need to say yes and no to, so you know where to orient yourself in terms of the people, and the situations, and the things that best support you in being you." 

You can read the full story here. 

Today's mailbag

Many of you have written in about what you're going to do after you are fully vaccinated. I was so touched to read all your plans and stories, and I wanted to share some of the emails I received. 

From Kammy Sislofsky: We have plans to visit Yosemite National Park and Lake Tahoe in June. My Dad turns 80 years old on May 18, and we can actually be together in the same room to celebrate! I too am looking forward to getting a professional haircut! I have been trimming my own bangs, just to keep them out of my eyes. And I finally got desperate and let my husband cut the back of my hair - we cut off 3 inches! 

From Ann Livingston: First thing I'm going to do is a full normal (although with mask) grocery store trip at my favorite grocery store. The last normal grocery trip I had was on March 17, 2020. Then take out food, then outdoor restaurants. And also, like your husband, make a dental appointment, which is long overdue.

From Cindy Yoshimura: I nearly cried when I got that second jab. To think of all the scientists, medical professionals, and volunteers who have made this possible is just overwhelming, and I am so grateful for their perseverance.

The biggest thing I will be doing is beginning, only beginning, to think about the possibility of traveling to Spain to see my daughter, who lives in Barcelona. We have not seen her since January 2020; and no matter how I work to put a positive face on this past year, the separation has cast a pall over every day. I know it won't be the same as just hopping on a plane as we did in the past; but just knowing that we will, at some point, be allowed to hug her in person again – it's blowing my mind. In a good way!

From Rebecca Salveson: I have been fully vaccinated for just over a month. Last week, I ventured out to see a movie. It was so nice to sit in a dark theater and let the talented actors and actresses allow me a couple of hours of freedom from my daily quarantine life. I was a bit nervous at first, but our local theater closely followed all necessary safety procedures. It was a simple activity that I had done so many times previously in my life, but this time felt so special and quite liberating. I'm definitely going back again soon.

Can't wait to see all our fresh new haircuts. And I love hearing from you, so keep sending in your thoughts and responses to stayingaparttogether@usatoday.com. 

Today's reads

• My colleague David Oliver writes about how new musical "Best Summer Ever" is the feel-good movie you need. 
• Frank's Red Hot Goldfish crackers? I'm skeptical, but maybe they'll be good. 
• Four out of four star book review alert! Trent Preszler’s 'Little and Often' is a profound father-son tale of discovery and reconciliation. 
• The most popular vacation this summer might be just grandparents and their grandkids, giving them some bonding time and parents a much-needed break. 
• Is the office back? COVID created a work-from-home culture but companies are trying to make the office appealing again. Any of you really interested in going back if given the choice?

Today's pet

Meet a pup who dresses up far more than I have in the last 13 months. 

This gorgeous dog is a "5-month-old Chihuahua named Pinky," writes owner Tonja Eagan.

I have never seen a pet pose so expertly. Pinky, I am in awe. 

That's it for this Tuesday. The newsletter will be back in your inboxes on Saturday morning. Until then you can email stayingaparttogether@usatoday.com with pet photos, coping tips and your thoughts about where the newsletter should go from here. Stay safe, stay well. 

All my very best,

Kelly Lawler