Column: Who exactly are these Christmas catalogs for?

• Congress may be concerned about invasive consumer privacy issues, but those concerns seem to be misplaced.

Holiday catalogs clog my mailbox and I wonder about the recipient. Who is this person who shares my name, but none of my tastes or interests? Through the mailings we've received, I've created a portrait of this person and she is a complicated woman, full of contradictory preferences and pursuits.

First, she must be a huge fan of fantasy literature because she has received a catalog containing keepsakes and replicas of items from The Lord of the Rings trilogy and the world of Harry Potter. If you are in the market for a reproduction of Xenophilius Lovegood's necklace, rest assured that it is in stock and ready to ship. I know that this catalog could not have been intended for me because fantasy is my least favorite genre of literature.

She also has received many specialty food catalogs, so I'm assuming that she's a real foodie. From dried fruit to Spanish sausages, and from exotic chocolate truffles to gourmet jellies, you could gain your five holiday pounds from just reading the descriptions of these items.

Limited repertoire

Because I have a cooking repertoire of about 10 meals, the only explanation is that they were meant for someone else. Well, I suppose there is another explanation: that my family wants to eat something other than breaded chicken and spaghetti and has submitted my name to these companies hoping I'll take the hint. Nah, they must be meant for someone else.

Consistent with a woman who enjoys the finer things, the other me appears to love anything with sparkle and shine. Why have a plain picture frame when you could have a pink enameled one studded with crystals? Never mind that cellphones are making wristwatches obsolete. You'll love checking the time on a watch that has been blinged out with hand-set diamonds. Undoubtedly, this would be an improvement over my watch, which is a 5-year-old digital watch with a Velcro band. With a watch like that, you know this catalog wasn't meant for me.

An outdoorswoman?

Strangely, with all her love of shiny objects, the other me is also quite the outdoorswoman. Several catalogs featured clothes and equipment for rock climbing in Utah, downhill skiing in the Alps and trekking in the Andes. I love the thought of my name twin swooshing down the slopes, using Gandalf's illuminating staffs as ski poles, a cheddar-asiago cheese stick hanging out of the corner of her mouth, and bejeweled turtle pin attached to the lapel of her Tri-Therm jacket. She really might be the most interesting woman in the world.

I recently read that Congress is investigating the data brokerage companies that compile, analyze and disseminate information about consumers' buying habits. The concern is that the precise content of the personal information collected is unclear and that the brokerage companies could be using the obtained information improperly.

Frankly, if my experience with the ability of these companies to accurately target a consumer's buying habits is any indication, Congress has nothing to worry about.

Now, if I could only figure out how to get the other person with my name to start paying the rent.

Susannah Khayat lives in Decatur, Ga.

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