Armour: FIFA whitewashes choice of 2018, 2022 World Cup hosts

FIFA's announcement clearing Russia and Qatar to host the next two World Cups would be comical if it wasn't so pathetic.

Evidence of collusion. A high-ranking FIFA official who just happened to be from one of the bidding countries passing money out like it was Halloween candy. Two bidding countries "sponsoring" events that just happened to be of some importance to folks with the power to sway votes. Documents that conveniently disappeared — apparently "My computer was destroyed" is the new "My dog ate my homework."

It doesn't take a CSI crew — or even previous knowledge of FIFA's loose interpretation of ethics — to recognize there was wheeling and dealing at its worst behind the selection of the 2018 and 2022 hosts. Yet FIFA wants us all to move along, insisting Thursday there is nothing shady or underhanded to see.

"FIFA welcomes the fact that a degree of closure has been reached," soccer's governing body said in a statement. "As such, FIFA looks forward to continuing the preparations for Russia 2018 and Qatar 2022, which are already well underway."

Fortunately, there's at least one person in the FIFA hierarchy who still has a conscience.

FIFA president Sepp Blatter and his cronies hadn't even finished patting themselves on the back when Michael J. Garcia, who led the investigation into the bidding process, cried foul. FIFA's interpretation of his report "contains numerous materially incomplete and erroneous representations of the facts and conclusions," the former U.S. Attorney said.

And in a statement that ought to scare Blatter and Co. more than "You'll need to fill out a customs form," Garcia said he plans to appeal.

Of course, the appeal will be heard by FIFA's own, a 14-person appeal committee whose members may have no interest in stopping the flow of gifts.

But the uproar means there will be greater pressure on FIFA to release Garcia's entire report, some 400 pages that aren't very complimentary of the organization and its ways of doing business.

The sealed report criticizes a culture of entitlement at FIFA, as well as Blatter's leadership, an official familiar with Garcia's findings told The Associated Press. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because Garcia's report is supposed to be confidential.

Garcia, who is best known for investigating former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, has pressed for his report to be made public. So has U.S. Soccer Federation president Sunil Gulati.

But FIFA has been adamant in its refusal. In a release prefacing his findings, head ethics judge Hans Joachim Eckert devoted two long paragraphs to explaining why Garcia's report couldn't be released.

"(Confidentiality) is of major importance in order to ensure that the integrity of Ethics proceedings is protected and that information disclosed to the FIFA Ethics Committee is treated adequately," Eckert wrote.

Integrity, ethics and FIFA all in the same sentence. Take a moment to absorb the irony of that.

If FIFA actually had integrity, there wouldn't have been a need for Garcia's investigation in the first place.

Instead, it awarded the 2018 World Cup to Russia, a country that has no regard for human rights or the sovereignty of neighboring countries. A country that will spend billions of dollars on stadiums that will be white elephants before the tournament is even over.

FIFA ignored warnings from its own inspectors in awarding the 2022 World Cup to Qatar, a country where the searing heat is so dangerous the tournament will likely be moved from its traditional time slot. A country where the lives of the migrant workers building FIFA's palaces are worth so little that the International Trade Union Confederation estimates some 4,000 will die before the World Cup.

FIFA had hoped Thursday's announcement would quiet the clamor over Russia and Qatar. But even the most creative editing can't change the facts: FIFA is selling one story while its own investigator tells another.

I know who I believe.

Follow columnist Nancy Armour on Twitter @nrarmour.