In life, a good rule of thumb is to conduct yourself in such a manner that you don’t one day find yourself being investigated by someone whose most recent job was prosecuting war crimes at The Hague. Unfortunately, it appears that either no one ever sat Donald Trump down and imparted this lesson, or they did but he was too busy making farting noises with his armpit to listen. Do you see where this is going?

On Friday, attorney general Merrick Garland announced that he has named a special counsel to oversee both the Justice Department’s criminal investigation into Trump’s decision to take classified documents to Mar-a-Lago, which resulted in an FBI raid on the place in August, and key aspects of its investigation into the January 6 attack on the Capitol. In an afternoon press conference, Garland said that special counsel is attorney Jack Smith, who has served as a federal prosecutor for many years, and recently worked at the International Criminal Court at The Hague. Garland said he ultimately made the call to appoint a special counsel after Trump announced this week he is running for president for a third time, telling reporters: “Based on recent developments, including the former president’s announcement that he is a candidate for president in the next election, and the sitting president’s stated intention to be a candidate as well, I have concluded that it is in the public interest to appoint a special counsel.” Both Garland, and later Smith, have insisted the appointment will not slow the investigations into the ex-president. A final decision on whether or not to charge Trump will ultimately come from Garland.

While some believe Smith’s appointment will help protect the Department of Justice from claims of wading into partisan politics—spoiler alert, Trump and his allies will never stop claiming this—and could also shield the investigations from what will no doubt be efforts by a GOP-controlled House to interfere with them, others think Garland is punting his responsibility to actually hold Trump accountable. “What a punk,” Elie Mystal, a justice correspondent for The Nation, tweeted about the news. “His line about the fact that Trump is now running for President is utter, complete BULLCRAP. If Garland was worried about that, he should have appointed a special counsel back in MARCH OF 2020! There isn’t one GODDAMN POLITICAL REALITY NOW that he didn’t know would happen THEN!” He later added:

Trump, of course, has taken the news in typical stride, by which we mean issuing a hysterical, all-caps statement to Fox News saying, “I have been going through this for six years—for six years I have been going through this, and I am not going to go through it anymore. And I hope the Republicans have the courage to fight this. I have been proven innocent for six years on everything—from fake impeachments to [Robert] Mueller, who found no collusion, and now I have to do it more? It is not acceptable. It is so unfair. It is so political.” He added that he will not “partake” in the inquiry, though whether that means he simply won’t cooperate or will actively attempt to obstruct justice, which is very much his thing, was unclear.

Oh, also, in case it was unclear, that statement was full of lies

Nothing says “We do not condone illegal activity” like a six-figure raise

The Trump family continues to look extremely not good. Per the New York Post:

Donald Trump’s kids gave Allen Weisselberg a whopping $200,000 raise—instead of punishing him—after discovering his shady tax practices, the ex-Trump Organization CFO told jurors Friday. Eric and Donald Trump Jr. in 2017 learned Weisselberg, 75, and two other top execs had been getting cushy perks that they didn’t report on their taxes—yet nobody was penalized, Weisselberg testified at the Manhattan Supreme Court tax fraud trial against the Trump Org.

The sons learned of the tax cheating during a “cleanup process” the company underwent with tax auditors when Trump took office as president, Weisselberg said. When prosecutor Susan Hoffinger asked the longtime chief financial officer if the Trump Org demoted or punished him in light of the discovery, he said no. “Were you in fact given a raise…that totaled approximately $200,000?” Hoffinger asked. “Correct,” Weisselberg replied on his final day of testimony.

The Trump Organization has continued to insist it is innocent of the charges it was hit with last year.

Elsewhere!

Hakeem Jeffries launches bid to be Nancy Pelosi’s successor (CNN)

Biden administration asks Supreme Court to reinstate student loan forgiveness program (The Washington Post)

Elon Musk’s “Hardcore” Twitter Ultimatum Backfired. Now What? (VF)

How FTX’s Sister Firm Brought the Crypto Exchange Down (NYT)

GOP operative convicted of facilitating foreign contribution to 2016 Trump campaign (CNN)

Lauren Boebert’s Rival, Adam Frisch, Concedes Their Colorado House Race (NYT)

Council race in Michigan town settled by two pieces of paper (AP)

What happens when 10,000 minks are set loose? A county is finding out. (The Washington Post)