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Whether it’s junk food, our phones, alcohol, or even love, most of us are addicted to something. “There is a lot of stigma around the word ‘addiction’, but we all use things to change the way we feel,” Talitha Fosh, author of the new book Hooked: Why we are addicted and how to break free, tells me. Addiction exists on a spectrum, and there are (obviously) varying degrees of severity, but Fosh’s book serves as a good manual for those seeking to understand the mechanics behind the disease.
Not only does it explore the reasons why we get addicted, it offers useful advice on how to work on the problem, communicated in a relatable and digestible way. It’s also a helpful read for anyone who has a loved one who struggles with addiction. Fosh is well placed to write it, having been dependent on alcohol and cocaine at age 22, suffered from an eating disorder, and eventually gone into treatment. (When she was there, she made a longtime friend in the model Adwoa Aboah, who has been candid about her own struggles with addiction, via her mental health platform, Gurls Talk. Aboah wrote the foreword to the book.)
A decade on Fosh is a qualified therapist, working with others to help overcome their problems, and hopes to change the way we look at addiction in society—to acknowledge that it’s a disease, not a choice. “People find it really difficult to understand that it’s not about willpower,” she says. “Of course, there is an element of responsibility when we pick up that first drink, log onto social media, or take a drug, but once we have engaged in it and it has changed our brain chemistry, we want more—it’s a chemical reaction. It’s not as simple as saying someone doesn’t have enough willpower.”
What actually is addiction?
“Anything that can be used to change the way you feel can be classified as addiction,” she explains. “A lot of people will say, well, isn’t that like shopping? And yes shopping can be a hobby, but when it becomes a problem, making your life unmanageable—maybe you’re unable to show up for work or you’re in financial debt—that’s when it can be classified as an addiction.”
While we can be addicted to anything, there are common addictive substance-related and addictive disorders that appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, such as alcohol and drugs, as well as gambling, and even internet gaming—all of which are based on global statistics.
Perhaps one of the most prevalent modern addictive disorders is with social media and the internet, which impacts a huge number of us—mostly because our phones are designed to give us constant dopamine hits and are subsequently getting us hooked. “The ability to engage in addictive behaviors is easier than ever because of the amount of stimuli we have around us that produces a dopamine hit,” Fosh says.
The 30 day rule
There is one thing that experts—including Fosh—recommend when trying to tackle any behavioral addiction. “Obviously, therapy and different support groups can be a huge help, but I think the main thing is to trial a period of abstinence and see what happens,” she says. “You need 30 days, because homeostasis needs to occur to alter the brain’s chemistry. If we’re constantly using something, we get hits of dopamine—which is responsible for pleasure and pain (they come from the same part of the brain).” If we are constantly getting that high, eventually we have to experience a sort of discomfort, withdrawal or pain before we end up returning to homeostasis, which is the “level playing field—like your body’s neutral position.”
Depending on what it is, that might be 30 days off social media, or from alcohol, or not going to the gym every day—whatever it is that has a hold on you, give it up to help reset your brain chemistry. Obviously, for those abstaining from substances, such as alcohol or drugs, this is best done with the help of a healthcare professional, in a safe, medically supervised environment—so if you are struggling, make sure to speak to someone, whether that’s a service such as Talk To Frank, or your doctor.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Whatever your affliction, Fosh recommends trying to sit in the feelings that come up during this time, maintaining an awareness of what prompts you to engage in the behavior in the first place, and how it makes you feel. If it’s a phone addiction, it might not be possible to come off it completely, but maybe it’s about setting rules around how you use it—can you leave your phone at the door when you get home in the evening, then pick it up en route out of the door the following day? Or is it about setting windows of time in which you can check your emails or social media accounts?
Treating addiction with connection
“The antithesis of addiction is connection,” says Fosh. “And the reality is that even though we have all these apps, smartphones, and social media, we are more disconnected than ever.” Statistics suggest that nearly half of UK adults feel lonely at some point, and anecdotally, communities are less cohesive and harmonious. Fosh also cites a stat that indicates that 35 percent of young people feel lonelier than ever, despite spending at least three hours on social media a day. “It’s sad because we’re interacting through a phone rather than in person,” she says. “There’s an underlying need for connection, and we’re acting in self-destructive ways as a result.”
If you are struggling with some form of addiction, make an effort to see friends or family, even if it’s the last thing you feel like doing. It could also be worth joining a group, such as a running club or art class, to connect with like-minded people and feel like you’re part of something. Not only is it good to help ward off addiction, but you’ll feel happier, healthier, and more fulfilled in general, which will likely bring about better behaviors and subsequently improved quality of life.