It’s easy to scoff at Carrie Bradshaw and her penchant for ridiculously overpriced shoes she couldn’t afford, but at least she actually wore all of her Manolos. I considered this fact recently when I confronted the wall of high heels I’d bought for various weddings and other fancy events—but never actually spent a full evening in, as my ability to tolerate foot pain hovers somewhere around “baby level.” (If you’ve never put on and then swiftly ruined a pair of Maryam Nassir Zadeh pumps, I salute you; did you know the RealReal weirdly doesn’t buy items that are stained with blood and Band-Aid residue?)
At some point, I decided I’d simply had enough. Why was I spending money I didn’t have on shoes I’d wear for photos, only to change promptly into Crocs in order to actually enjoy my friends’ weddings (which, as a good and loyal bestie, I mostly spend on my feet, chasing down safety pins, Advil, Xanax, or whatever else the brides in question may need)? These days, I’m all about occasion shoes that I can comfortably dance to Brat in. No, I didn’t snag the bejeweled Simone Rocha x Crocs collab, but I’m pleased to say that I am committed enough to the Crocs-as-formalwear life to have a pair of custom pearl-and-shell jibitz currently being made for me by a Toronto-based designer. So, when I saw Brooke Shields matching bright-yellow Crocs to her Monique Lhullier gown at the 2024 Tony Awards on Sunday night, I had many, many thoughts.
I’m not an unbiased audience, as Crocs is one of the few brands to ever send me free merchandise (the other two, in case you’re curious, are Lanz nightgowns and Topo Chico sparkling water; let’s go, lesbians!), so I turned to my estimable fashion counterparts for some insight into whether Shields’s red-carpet Croc moment constituted a major sartorial faux pas or, indeed, a bit of a slay.
“I feel like...you’d have to do a platform Croc, if you MUST,” opined Vogue writer Hannah Jackson, with her colleague Christian Allaire chiming in to add: “I LOVE Crocs and always will, but they absolutely do not belong with formalwear.” Harsh, but totally fair!
Luckily, living editor Liam Hess came in with a partial Croc defense at just the right time, writing: “Yeah guys idk i think the black Simone Rocha Croc with a dress is perfectly acceptable formalwear.” (Thank you, Liam!) Hess also spoke up for the Christopher Kane Crocs, though he draws a line at the Balenciaga heel Crocs for formal occasions. (And, anyway, why would you stiletto-fy your Crocs and rob them of all the comfort they’re so famous for?) “Fine, MAYBE the Simones,” Allaire acquiesced, with Vogue.com editor Chloe Malle providing the last word: “Pearls on your Crocs may be the one exception.”
Although I couldn’t be more excited to add custom accoutrements to my white high-heeled Siren Crocs, I regretfully have to agree with my fashion colleagues that Crocs—or, at least, the plain, flat ones worn by Shields—just don’t work with a formal ensemble.
That said, Shields very clearly doesn’t care if some rando culture writer doesn’t like her shoes—and there’s something appealing about that. Even if I can’t quite get behind the gardening-shoe-and-gown aesthetic, I can certainly appreciate the power of an extremely hot 59-year-old woman showing up to the Tonys in shoes she can actually move in. Maybe opt for the Mega Crush platform Croc next time, Brooke. (Or, dare I say, even the Simon Miller bubble clog?)
