In devastating news, the pierced nipples we as viewers, hopeful romantics, and horny fans thought were real are, well, not. Yes, dear Vulture reader, the truth is out: Sebastian Stan didn’t pierce his nipples for Pam & Tommy, per a new interview with Variety. In not quite embracing his portrayal of Tommy Lee and the infamous ink-filled body in the Hulu show, Stan did say on record, “I looked at the tattoos as sort of being a costume in itself.” He apparently felt the nipples were, in the words of Variety, a “no-go.” We refuse to react neutrally. This fact raises a number of questions, like: Who created Stan’s prosthetic nipples? How did they stay attached throughout filming? What does this mean for the Marvel cinematic universe? Why would he do this to us? And where was Pamela Anderson (played by Lily James in the series) as this decision was so inconsiderately made? Vulture reached out to Sebastian Stan’s nipples for comment, in our dreams, of course.
