This is the latest edition of the Movies Fantasy League newsletter. The drafting window for this season has closed, but you can still sign up to get the newsletter, which provides a weekly recap of box-office performance, awards nominations, and critical chatter on all the buzziest movies.
While y’all were busy prepping your Taylor-and-Travis-themed Super Bowl snacks, the Directors Guild had its say about the year’s contending films. The endgame of awards season has begun; only a handful of major events remain before Oscar’s big night.
This week, we’ll run through those DGA points, celebrate what may be the final box-office bonus of the season, and take a look at which movies provided the least bang for your buck. But first, with less than a month to go, here’s a quick reminder of what we’re all fighting for: prizes!
Everyone who finishes in the top 12 will receive a digital subscription to New York magazine, plus one of the following based on the final standings:
Grand Prizes (1st–3rd Place)
The overall winner will get to select one of the following devices:
➼ Bowers & Wilkins Px7 S2 Headphones
➼ 65-Inch 5-Series TCL Roku TV
➼ Roku Streambar
Whoever finishes second will get to choose between the remaining two, and third place will get the final item.
Criterion Channel Subscription (4th–8th Place)
The next five finalists will each receive a yearlong Criterion Channel subscription, which gets you access to a ton of great streaming movies.
Vulture Merch (9th–12th Place)
Teams that wind up in spots 9–12 will get the pride of knowing they finished in the top dozen, plus a Vulture tote and pair of socks. The thrill of victory and warm feet, it doesn’t get better than that.
Now that you know what’s at stake, let’s see who earned points this week.
Buncha Boys in Their Boat at the Box Office
George Clooney’s The Boys in the Boat may be a nonfactor in awards this year, but it has been a low-key success story at the box office. In its seventh week of release, the period rowing drama has reached the $50 million threshold, finally earning that 20-point bonus. Unless Anyone But You (sitting at $80 million) or The Boy and the Heron ($45 million) sees a sudden surge in momentum, this is likely the last box-office bonus of the season. Wear it with pride, Clooney supporters.
Can You DGA It?
Only three films earned points at the DGA awards on Saturday night, but they probably tell us a lot about where things are headed over the next several weeks: Oppenheimer’s Christopher Nolan was awarded the trophy for Feature Film, Celine Song received the First-Time Feature prize for Past Lives, and in the documentary competition, Mstyslav Chernov won for 20 Days in Mariupol, which has to be considered the Oscar front-runner now. Each of those films picked up 30 MFL points.
Nolan’s victory further reinforces the perception that Best Picture at the Academy Awards is Oppenheimer’s to lose, though nobody has voted yet, so there’s still time for something weird to happen. Song’s win for Past Lives solidifies that film’s status as the year’s premier debut feature. It also may be a prelude to Past Lives cleaning up at the Independent Spirit Awards in a couple of weeks.
The LVPs
Two weeks ago, I presented the list of the most valuable movies of the 2023–24 MFL season, the ones that earned the most points relative to how much they cost. This week, I took a look at the flip side of that coin: Which movies delivered the absolute least relative to what you paid for them?
While compiling the list — more number crunching, baby! — I considered only movies that cost $5 or more to draft. Anything below that was a cross-your-fingers pick anyway. I also omitted any films that wound up not being released in 2023; you don’t need to be reminded that selecting Dune 2 for your team didn’t help your cause.
To determine the LVP list, I took the total points earned in the league so far and divided it by how much it cost to arrive at a points-per-dollar figure. The results were eye opening. Bigger-ticket items like Napoleon (191 points for a $25 buy, giving it 7.64 points per dollar) definitely underwhelmed, as did Saltburn (161 points for a $15 buy, 10.7 PPD), Wish (113 points for a $15 buy, 7.5 PPD), The Iron Claw (109 points for a $15 buy, 7.2 PPD), and The Marvels (129 points for a $20 buy, 6.5 PPD).
Even so, none of those films made the top (bottom?) ten of futility. Since the movies we’re discussing in this context aren’t part of the awards conversation, their scores have no way to improve — meaning these picks are the ones that left the deepest craters in your lineups:
10.
Dumb Money
35 points for an $8 buy, 4.4 PPD
The Big Short for stonks this was not. Despite decent reviews, this current-events comedy didn’t have many opportunities to insert itself into awards season, especially after the Golden Globes passed it over for the Musical or Comedy awards.
9.
Asteroid City
35 points for a $10 buy, 3.5 PPD
Wes Anderson’s best film in years was wholly ignored by the awards-giving machine, making it a very expensive hole in the pocket of a lot of drafters.
8.
The Killer
30 points for a $10 buy, 3 PPD
David Fincher’s latest was probably never destined for major awards, though that Venice Film Festival premiere sure set expectations high.
6.
The Little Mermaid and Master Gardener
10 points each for $5 buys, 2 PPD
The Little Mermaid was the rare Disney live-action remake to get absolutely blanked on the Oscars ballot. Meanwhile, Paul Schrader’s latest, which premiered at Venice in 2022, felt like very old news by the time the awards voting was happening.
5.
Fingernails
5 points for a $5 buy, 1 PPD
If it weren’t such a colossal bust, the symmetry would be quite lovely: Spend $5, get five points. You’ll tell your grandchildren about this one day.
4.
Next Goal Wins
6 points for a $15 buy, 0.4 PPD
Taika Waititi’s cursed movie, which had to scramble to replace Armie Hammer and then sat on a shelf waiting out COVID, got all its points from the box office. Easily the most overvalued movie of the year. Sorry, folks, that’s on me.
3.
Rebel Moon — Part One: A Child of Fire
0 points for a $5 buy, 0 PPD
This one got drafted before anybody even knew it had a subtitle. Zack Snyder’s attempt at a sci-fi franchise starter didn’t have a chance to flop at the box office because it streamed on Netflix. The five points it earned for appearing on the Oscar shortlist for VFX got canceled out by a -5 Rotten Tomatoes score. Tough break.
1.
Foe and Pain Hustlers
-5 points each for $5 buys, -1 PPD
Speaking of negative Rotten Tomatoes points: Those were the only points to be had for the Saoirse Ronan–Paul Mescal sci-fi romance Foe and the Emily Blunt pharma-sales dark comedy Pain Hustlers. Two movies hated by critics, ignored by audiences, and left in the dust of awards season. If you are one of the 548 people who drafted either one, you have our sympathies. If you drafted both — and nine of you did — may God have mercy on your soul.
Leaderboard
The seven-way tie at the top of the leaderboard remains for another week, but we have a change in eighth place as the rosters for RandomNumberss and Ares have overtaken choriza may december by one whole point. It was that 20 Days in Mariupol bump that did it.
Meanwhile, tied for 11th place is team I’m Just Evan, which represents the SeeminglyRanch league. Guys, remember “seemingly ranch”?? Think about how far Taylor and her luxury-box entourage have come since the league started. Blake Lively, for one.
You can see the full leaderboard here on the main MFL landing page.
Looking Ahead
We’re days away from the BAFTAs, which means we’re days away from seeing whether Ariana DeBose gets brought back to try to recapture the once-in-a-lifetime serendipity of “Angela Bassett did the thing.” Don’t do it, Ariana! Keep the mystique!
February 18: BAFTA Awards
February 24: SAG Awards
February 25: Independent Spirit Awards
February 25: PGA Awards
March 10: 96th Academy Awards
Questions? Feedback? Can’t find your team or mini-league on the leaderboard? Drop us a line at moviesleague@vulture.com.
