We have made it to the end of Dubai’s maiden voyage, and all things considered, I think that the franchise had a fairly decent debut season. I know that there was a lot of grumbling week to week about the show being boring or tedious, but in my opinion, (1) thou doth protest too much, and (2) Bravo superfans have gotten way too spoiled in terms of how show launches can go. I remember when Bethenny still had a square jaw and was just making crudités and calling herself a raw-food chef. I remember when Potomac was just a bunch of women quibbling about off-brand Congressional Black Caucus Parties and etiquette rules. Not every franchise comes out the gate with the chaos of Salt Lake City, and then a federal investigation to anchor the next season — and even then, they got too big for their britches and completely shit the bed with season two (which, I would argue, will lead to the ultimate demise of Bravo if it continues to go down this “E! True Hollywood Stories meets con artist” road of casting, but I digress).
That said, I do think that certain things should be tweaked for season two. Most specifically, if I were to put my producer hat on, I think that Bravo should explore a more direct culture-clash narrative by casting more actual Emiratis. There are plenty of wealthy Emiratis who are very unaccommodating to western norms and expats in general. I am unsure if they are squeamish about agitating their relationship with the UAE, but that would be fun to explore, and would also let the franchise just show, not tell, some of the things viewers have wondered throughout the season about how some of the claims the woman have made actually bear out in day-to-day life (answer: not always). That way we could also get a sense of a cultural standard, like how they engage in both Arab and Islamic culture, and perhaps confront some of the class and social problems in a tasteful way. I just don’t think the “one big melting pot” narrative is the way to go moving forward. That’s the lie that people believe about New York City, yet the RHONY girls have been hanging around the same Waspy octogenarians north of 59th and Lex for going on 13 seasons.
The actual finale was a relatively muted dénouement, but the real conversation is in the subtext. Lesa and Nina are still at odds, and Nina keeps insisting that she doesn’t know what the issue is. The reason Lesa sounds so abrupt and stilted is because Lesa brought Nina onto the show (allegedly), and is confused as to why everything flipped when the cameras turned on. It’s really that simple, but you cannot say on television “Hey, I helped you get cast, you warned me and talked all this shit about Stanbury before we started filming, but now that the cameras are on, you’ve been further up her ass than Sergio’s index finger.” Nina knows this, so everyone is playing clueless, and Lesa thinks she’s above it all — but not above it all like the goat that she certainly did not cook up in a pot after it went to goat heaven — and so we’re at a frustrating impasse. And listen, Nina is free to change her mind and realize that either she was completely wrong about Stanbury or it’s a relationship that is advantageous for her, but I do think she likes to try to move pieces around the chessboard and act like a deer in headlights when someone presses her on the matter.
With regards to the final trip to Ras Al Khaimah, I am happy that it was relatively conflict-free — all of the women looked lovely in their jalabiyas — although I am annoyed that we are given this random nugget of Lesa and Caroline having a fight in the group chat and blocking each other, breezily tossed in like a bay leaf in a stew. I do think that Lesa has a real bee up her bonnet about Stanbury — whether it’s deserved or not at this point is unclear, considering the fact that so much context of their actual relationships has been cut out — but if you have seen the preview of the upcoming reunion, they clearly get into it.
For all the fretting about Ayan and whether she would be disruptive, it was Brooks who was drunk as a skunk and nearly vomiting in the golf cart. I find it interesting that Brooks is allowed to be a “lovable tornado” while Ayan’s actions are somehow so distressing to everyone in the room, but am happy that everyone was getting along and was in a space to receive Ayan when she spoke about her FGM. You could tell when she spoke to her sister in Kenya in Swahili (which I never thought I would see in Bravo in my life) that she really only shared a sliver of the trauma she and her sister survived together. I get that the IVF has Caroline on edge, but I haven’t seen her relaxed, either, so I don’t quite know the difference — and I am sorry to have to tell her, a lot of the world traditionally eats with their hands, as does she when the recipe demands it. I am certain Caroline doesn’t take a knife and fork to a burrito.
Now for the end-of-year evaluations:
Chanel Ayan: I mean, what else is there to say? She’s the breakout star. She’s an icon, she’s a legend, and she is the moment. Who else is getting a call from Naomi Campbell during a reunion? The girls are sick over it and definitely didn’t expect her to be received so well, but they bet on the wrong horse. Hopefully next season she learns to pick her battles better and steps up the wigs, and we get to see more of her actually at work and interacting with her sister in Kenya. 7/10
Caroline Stanbury: Objectively, Stanbury’s story line gave this season structure, no matter how unclear her marital and financial situation was. Where is her wealth, and why does she basically live off other brands sponsoring her? There is nothing wrong with being an influencer, but someone of her grooming would seem to be above such things. She married the Spanish Mr. Peanutbutter, and they seem to make each other happy, so good for them, but her presence on my screen seems to make both her and me miserable, so something needs to change here — preferably her. 5/10
Caroline Brooks: Brooks really wants to be Kenya Moore, but she’s not Kenya Moore in any respect outside of how they apply their wigs. I had high hopes for her up front, but her faux bougieness and insistence that “I left my marriage with nothing” while touting that she’s constantly getting investments and monetary gifts from exes is just not impressive to me. I empathize with her for being manipulated as a young woman into an abusive marriage, but really, all I have for her is a wish for a better therapist. I do think she serves as a great foil and chaos agent, but that’s about it. 6/10
Sara Al Madani: Beautiful girl, but I don’t care for the sanctimonious and phony love-and-light shit OR the many businesses that are mostly either shells, barely operational, or propped up by resources that no one else has (and she still managed to fail several times). If she comes back next season I want her to talk about the work she got done. Let’s get into the real Sara and the money you need to spend to maintain a beauty like hers, as Brooks drunkenly said. 3/10
Nina Ali: All I know is that she eats fries and uses sage like it’s a magic wand. She tries to operate like Kyle Richards and instigate drama at gatherings she puts together and acts shocked when people get frustrated with all 105 pounds of her, but it’s also obvious she’s trying to shadow-produce and avoid offering much of her own life in the process. I would mind it less if she didn’t act so affronted by the accusation. Lean into the mess; it’ll be fine. 4/10
Lesa Milan: The face? Stunning. Beautiful gowns, literally. But you can’t be on a reality show and think you’re above the drama. It’s lovely to watch a loyal friendship on TV, and I do believe she rides for and supports Ayan, but if you don’t want to get into the mess of reality TV, then gracefully bow out; you already got the boost for your business, you will be good wherever you go. 5/10
Wallahi, these women better workshop better taglines next season. Enjoy the reunion!
