This is the episode where the ingredients of the plot are all tidily laid out on the counter in advance of the big cook. So let’s look carefully at what happens here as we overtly — perhaps even hammily? — are told that The Idol is just a story of a Hollywood-style business coup. This episode’s vibe: The Master x Fire Walk With Me. (Two great tastes.)
It’s the next morning, and Jocelyn throws a cringe festival on her patio by playing a bit of “World Class Sinner/I’m a Freak (Tedros Tedros Remix)” to her crew, who simply aren’t having all this additional sampled moaning. Record label honcho Nikki (Jane Adams, going very big) goes off on how Jocelyn needs to respect the “giant fucking big-titted hits” that the industry machine has made for her and how she needs to get in line. To wit: “You think you’ve got a bigger fucking dick than me now, princess?” Let’s make sure we all say that to our coworkers this week.
Sad-mad Jocelyn spends a little time in Ableton Live or Pro Tools or something while rubbing a glass of ice cubes against her vulva (as you do while thinking). Maybe this is a story about unlocking women’s sexuality and creativity! She talks to her new boyfriend Tedros Tedros (Abel Tesfaye, a.k.a The Weeknd, ever heard of him?), who is getting his rat tail teased out. Then he utters a line so hilariously heinous that all the Hollywood writers got on a conference call to consider ending the strike immediately: “There’s a powerful voice inside of you. I want to reach down and pull it out.”
Jocelyn self-harms herself at work by masochistically insisting on making her tacky video performance (that she hates) perfect. But the most important thing is that we are Officially Informed that bad, or at least manipulative, things are afoot!
Izaak (Moses Sumney) is being trained as a sex demon (???) by Tedros with the use of some electrical punishment (???), and Izaak is using his talents to seduce the assistant Leia (Rachel Sennott) quite vigorously. (She does wisely stop him to ask about Tedros! Izaak claims his parents were pastors, and Tedros came to church and heard him sing? And that he reveres him.)
Dyanne (Jennie!!!!) is not just “out-dancing everybody” but can sing, and Nikki makes her leave the video shoot to cut a track immediately — very Hollywood.
But Dyanne is also Tedros’s sex friend, and she’s been sent in to infiltrate Jocelyn-land. She’s doing great at that! Dyanne can do anything. Everyone is rooting for Dyanne, which may be a problem, as real-life fan enthusiasm for Jennie and just us general enthusiasts of her charisma and talent beg for her to take Jocelyn’s life.
Tedros comes over late (after negging Jocelyn that he wasn’t going to see her for a while), and he brings Izaak and some folks and also some Squeaky Fromme character (the incredible Suzanna Son as Chloe) who jumps naked into the pool, watches Tedros do gross sex stuff with Jocelyn (“Fucking stretch that tight little pussy,” Mr. T. Tedros says, in an even more noble attempt to end this cursed writer’s strike), and then leads the cast in a sing-along in which Jocelyn remembers the power of music. Here is this show’s one truly interesting moment (we’re allowed only one per episode), and her assistant thinks: Oh shit. “It’d be easier if I moved in,” says Tedros, and Jocelyn smiles knowingly — she knows exactly how disastrous and chaotic and death spiral this choice is! — and says, “I’d like that.”
Is this good? Is this bad? Does it have a quality? Am I a freak, yeah?
Idol Thoughts
Wait, How Many Episodes Are There?
Nearly everyone says there’ll be six episodes in this season. But HBO has said there are just five episodes total — as in, there are only three more after tonight. So while we hate it when people are like, “OMG this TV show is so good, it’s like a mooooovie,” in fact, at five episodes, this show nearly could have been in theaters.
I’m Really Just a Freak, Yeah
The Weeknd dropped a track with Madonna and Playboi Carti in observance of the show’s theme (fame and bad music?), and it was MILD (and it’s not doing well). That’s a shame. A Weeknd collab can be great (I watch him live with Ariana Grande every time I’m feeling blue). And the show dropped the in-show Jocelyn track from episode one, which is pretty hilarious — truly a brutal parody. “Every weekend I’m just trying to find someone to bang” is outright hilarious as a lyric, but also … could it have been on the incredibly important feminist document “Blackout” by one Britney Spears? Probably!
New Bits of the Backstory
Not only did Jocelyn’s mother die, but Jocelyn also got dumped by “Heartthrob Rob”? Who??? PICS???
Is The Idol Good For Max, the Improbably Named Streaming Service for HBO Products?
Tonight The Idol aired (“aired”) against the Tony Awards, which feels like a fairly substantial audience overlap (girls who love mess) (it’s me). But only about 232,000 people watched the premiere live; the total viewership crept up to under a million, and then HBO keeps counting streams for 90 days.
Intrusive Thoughts
I have this stupid idea that the end of this show intrudes into real life somehow. That sounds like Jocelyn’s last psychotic break levels of out there, but wouldn’t the BEST possible ending of this show be that The Weeknd had stealthily undermined and purchased a record label and a slew of stars?
On the Rewatch of Episode One
In case you thought in episode one that our Svengali had just noticed Jocelyn in the club, re-watchers of episode one saw him very carefully plan to snare Jocelyn. This seems fairly obvious — but they also noted they felt Jennie was skedaddling suspiciously away, too, setting up this episode to reveal that Dyanne is a covert op.
Fan Friends
The subreddit for The Idol is totally worth following if you’re love-watching or hate-watching. But, one troubling sign: A little more than 4,000 people are members; the Succession subreddit, still going strong, has more than half a million. (Shouts to my Conheads on the message boards! Woof woof!) Even Idol fans are on there penning manifestos that contain the chilling phrase, “The Idol is not the most incredible show on television by a long shot, but…”
One Mean Tweet
Chances She Dies in the End
In the immortal words in this episode of our evil manager, the darling Nikki: “People die all the time. Everybody dies.”
