A jetlagged Kim is in Milan, gearing up to attend the Prada fashion show that Kendall is walking in — and for some reason we’re spending more time getting ready with the attendee of the show (Kim) than the person actually in it (Kendall). Prada has filled Kim’s room with looks to ensure she reps the brand the entirety of her visit, but she says that they’ve also been pulling archived and men’s pieces because she’s “not like your tall, skinny, typical model that’ll look good in everything.” But here’s the thing: If Kim Kardashian of all people is having trouble finding something of yours to look good in, maybe you’re not that good at making clothes.
After a busy day trying on her custom Prada, Kim heads out to enjoy some fine Italian cuisine. She sits down at a fancy restaurant, orders a glass of red wine, opens the menu, and with the straightest face possible, asks the waiter, “What is tortellini?”
Now listen, pasta comes in a wide variety of shapes, and I can understand maybe not being able to keep up. Maybe you confuse tagliatelle with fettuccine; it happens. But the way Kim asked that question, it wasn’t her asking for a reminder; it genuinely sounded like she had never heard of tortellini before in her life and wanted to know more about this rare Italian delicacy. The waiter simply says, “Like ravioli.” I hold my breath. Will this resonate with Kim, or does she not know what ravioli is either? Ultimately Kim orders the penne.
Though she’s alluded to this in the past, Kim goes on the record with us to explain that she’s a flexitarian — meaning that she’s a vegan sometimes, and not a vegan other times. As it turns out, I am also a flexitarian: I’m a vegan between meals.
While at dinner, Kim sees that Pete (who’s still her boyfriend at this time) made his first post on Instagram, though she thought it would be about his upcoming trip to space. If you recall, it was announced that Pete Davidson would be going to space on one of those moronic celebrity space trips with Jeff Bezos (he ultimately dropped out). Kim, remembering the Challenger explosion, says she has no desire to go to space for the 11-minute trip that it is. Imagine having to sit next to Jeff Bezos for 11 whole minutes? I’d open the doors and float away like George Clooney in Gravity. But Kim’s hairstylist laments her not going to space, saying, “Think of the looks,” as if Kim doesn’t already dress like a fashionable astronaut as it is.
Back in California, Kris, Corey, and Khloé are once again in the birthplace of Don’t Worry Darling and the Trixie Motel: Palm Springs. Since Kris has been having hip problems, this motley trio decide to pay a visit to a dispensary to pick up some edibles to help her with her joint pain. To the delight of Kris, she’s carded as soon as she enters the store since you have to be over 21. This perplexes me, not because of her age, but because she’s Kris Jenner. Oh, you need to identify this woman? Pick up an Us Weekly. Is a California driver’s license really more reputable identification than an entire Hulu camera crew in tow?
After collecting a haul that includes every gummy flavor imaginable, plus some medicated lube for good measure, her total comes to a whopping $732. At least she’s got Pete’s Christmas gift all squared away.
With her weed gummies carefully organized between a “sleep bag” and a “party bag,” Kris and Khloé decide to partake by splitting an edible before going to dinner. And even though Kris gave us a disclaimer about their legality, she still jokes about blaming Khloé if they’re stopped by a cop. This brings us to the topic of Khloé’s mugshot, which Kris famously has framed in her office, and whether she was in glam for it. (Malika did her hair, and Khloé did her own makeup.) It’s moments like this when it really stands out that we’re on a different network, because if we were still on E! this is exactly where they’d throw in a flashback to “Kim, would you stop taking pictures of yourself; your sister’s going to jail.” But since Hulu doesn’t own that footage, we have to go without.
Kris mentions that she’s texting with Tristan about basketball and going to the playoffs, as if he’s just some regular person and not the evil antagonist of this whole season. She’s fascinated by how when he was on a flop team he never went to the playoffs and now that he’s on a good team he is going, remarking about how life can change on a dime. “Yeah … I know how life can change on a dime,” Khloé awkwardly says, alluding to said evil basketball player changing her life on a dime. She tells us in a confessional about how she’s gotten to a place of peace, saying that practice makes perfect given that she’s had to do a lot of forgiving over the years.
The three of them go out to dinner, and that’s when the edible finally hits. “I kinda feel it from the neck up,” Kris says, before they toast their enormous margaritas to their little Three’s Company trio. Clearly attempting to pivot to the next conversation topic slated on the call sheet, she starts to ask Khloé if she’s had any girls’ nights recently — but flubs her line with a case of the giggles. Take two, she tries again, but she once again can’t get the sentence out. The edible has officially taken over and the table devolves into stoned laughter, and for some reason Kris starts taking photos of Khloé. That’s a new era I want to see from the Kardashians: every photo of them being an unflattering candid taken by a very high Kris Jenner.
Over in Milan, Kim asks the eternal question — “Is it giving me too much camel toe?” — as she gets dressed in one of her Prada outfits, as opposed to the perfect amount of camel toe that one aims for. And speaking of fashion faux pas, she gets a text from Kanye (jump scare) with a list of critiques about every outfit she’d been wearing in Italy. Luckily Kim is able to just laugh at him — the appropriate reaction to a court jester.
“I’m gonna get some shopping done because there’s no better place to shop than out of the country, especially in Italy,” Kim says, because apparently she’s never been to a Target. She pokes around for something to buy Pete, who she says has the best heart despite his accurate reputation for just dating hot girls. And speaking of Pete, Tracy Romulus tells Kim that SNL will be submitting her episode for Emmy consideration. Now of course the Emmys have since come and gone, and Kim didn’t end up getting nominated for Best Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series — though SNL hosts usually fare well in that category. Instead Kim’s trophy went to Laurie Metcalf for Hacks. What a head-to-head that could have been.
But just the prospect is enough to get them excited, talking about potential outfits and submitting her for a Hollywood Walk of Fame star next: “Finally! Lassie has a star on the walk of fame and I don’t.”
The day of Kendall’s first Prada show is finally here, and Kim is on her way there looking like a chic villain from Spy Kids. But if you thought Kim’s outfit was wild, out struts Kendall in a blue puffy coat with feathered shoulders and a sheer long skirt — imagine a child who wanted to be Fifi the Duster from Beauty and the Beast for Halloween, but their mom made them dress warm because it’s cold out. Most inexplicably of all, her newly red hair is slicked back in the shape of a bicycle helmet. They dyed Kendall Jenner’s hair for that? After all the hype I thought they’d make it a focal point, not slick it away.
In the midst of zipping back and forth between Milan and Palm Springs, we also spend some time checking in on our other sisters, Kourtney and Kylie, both of whom are busy with their own respective photoshoots. Kourtney is shooting the cover of Bustle, and a corresponding video to go with it — which involves her playing Flip Cup, throwing almonds in her mouth, doodling, and playing Tic-Tac-Toe with herself. As entertaining as this is to watch with literally zero context, if you were wondering, the video is Kourtney Kardashian Alone Without a Phone. She tells us IVF has taken a toll on her body, but she’s finally learning to be comfortable in her own skin.
Meanwhile, Kylie’s shoot — her licking a strawberry to show off her new lip oil — is her first photoshoot post-baby, and she’s having to adjust to this new balance. Luckily she has Kris Jenner as a role model when it comes to juggling kids and work (and as a drug dealer if need be).
While Kris’s Harold and Kumar treatment plan made for a good night, when she wakes up the next morning her hip feels worse than ever. She explains the pain to her physical therapist, and how she was active her whole life — even referencing the workout tape she made in the ’90s. Naturally, when the show plays a clip of said tape, PowerWalk Plus, it carefully edits out Caitlyn Jenner. But after a few sessions, the physical therapist suggests that Kris go see a surgeon — the idea of which terrifies her, firstly because she’s too busy with work, and secondly because it makes her confront her own mortality. But after swapping out that hip with a fresh new model, I’m sure Kris will be back PowerWalk Plus–ing in no time.
