Welcome to the fold: David Macpherson on antique irons

People collect flat irons. Of course they do. Why would we expect anything different? People collect old shopping lists, why wouldn’t they collect old irons?

Irons have been around for nearly a century. Any foundry in any small town would make them up. The first kind was the flat iron or sad iron. Sad iron? Is there a prescription they can take so they aren’t sad anymore? I would much prefer a medically induced peppy iron, thank you very much. 

Actually, "sad" was an old English word for the concept of heavy. That makes sense that sad is heavy. When I am sad, I feel the weight of the world on me. When a friend tells you the sad story of woe they are going through, you would say, “Man, that’s heavy.”

Just think of how more interesting the movie "Back to the Future" would be if Marty McFly used the correct old English in the scene when he said, “Doc are you telling me that my mother has the hots for me? Whoah, that’s sad.”   

Anyway, let’s move on, because we have a few more irons in the fire. 

The idea of the iron was that it was a heavy and solid piece of iron that, when heated in a hearth, would keep the heat and work for some time. The French had the idea of a hollow iron, thinking that it would heat up faster, but the problem was it was too light and light irons don’t retain the heat. Silly French!

It was only until 1880 that the first electric iron showed up. The steam iron was invented in the 1920s. 

This is where the collecting of irons gets complicated. There is a difference between antique and vintage irons. Antique irons were made when it was just a piece of iron. The ones before 1880 are antique irons. The electric and the steam irons that are old are vintage. Confused? Well, iron out the folds of your brain and let’s move on. 

When I was a kid, my mother taught me to iron. It was necessary. I really sucked at it. I would create more wrinkles when I was done then were there in the first place. I never taught my son how to iron, because people are now living in wrinkle-free clothing.

So what do we do with the antique iron now? It can be a doorstop or a paperweight. You can straighten out your frizzy hair. You can throw it full force at an acquaintance wondering why you own so many useless things. 

I think the issue I have with collecting irons is not the iron itself. It is our hatred of wrinkled clothes. Why do we discriminate against wrinkles, be it on linen, cotton cloth or on aging faces?

Why are we so keen to get rid of wrinkles? To place a white-hot piece of iron on it, eradicating the innocent wrinkle that was just there minding its own business. 

Shouldn’t we consider the wrinkled shirt a real piece of disposable art? Look at the way the wrinkles create vistas and valleys. Why should we get rid of them?

Shouldn’t we celebrate the simple American wrinkled dress shirt? Throw away your sad irons and wear the shirt the way that the cloth wanted it to be. The cloth wants the wrinkles. The cloth makes the wrinkles. Don’t disparage the cloth, baby. Let your wrinkled flag fly. 

David Macpherson is a poet and writer living in the Worcester area. His ebooks include "Poetry in Bars: A Slurred Manifesto," "Gin and Tonics Across Worcester" and"The Library of Disposable Art: Volume One."