Ruth Westheimer, Expert on Everything About Sex, Dies at 96

Chris Koseluk
·7 min read
1.5k
  • Oops!
    Something went wrong.
    Please try again later.

Ruth Westheimer, the diminutive guru of the American sexual revolution whose straightforward, matter-of-fact way of discussing the facts of life led to an illustrious career as a radio talk-show host, television personality, author and advice expert, has died. She was 96.

Westheimer died Friday at her home in New York City, spokesman Pierre Lehu told The New York Times.

More from The Hollywood Reporter

She escaped Nazi Germany in the 1930s and was profiled by The Hollywood Reporter in January 2016 as one of the entertainment industry’s last survivors of the Holocaust.

For more than three decades, when the subject turned to sex, Dr. Ruth (as she was known to her legion of fans) was the go-to person. People magazine included her on its 1998 list of the Most Intriguing People of the Century. In Playboy’s 55th anniversary issue in 2009, she landed the No. 13 spot on its list of the most important people in sex from the past 55 years.

Well into her 50s when she debuted on the radio, Westheimer seemed the least likely person to be offering graphic sex advice. But that only added to her appeal. She would gleefully initiate candid discussions about the penis, condoms and how to derive the ultimate satisfaction when making love.

“Well, they don’t tune in for arousal. At 4-foot-7 and age 57, I’m not a sex symbol,” she told The Los Angeles Times in 1985. “I’m well trained. I do not talk around issues, I talk in the proper terminology. I’m a little gutsy.”

In 1959, Westheimer earned a master’s degree in sociology from The New School for Social Research and then a doctorate in education from Columbia Teachers College in 1970. Between degrees, she became an American citizen and took a job at Planned Parenthood. It was here she had her first exposure to frank discussions about human sexuality.

Westheimer was so intrigued, she decided to specialize in the subject.

After earning her doctorate, she began attending New York’s Cornell University Medical College and studying under Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan, a pioneer in sex therapy. She went on to participate in the program for five years as an adjunct associate professor. She also taught at Lehman College, Brooklyn College, Adelphi University, Columbia University and West Point. In 1975, she opened her own practice.

The turning point for Westheimer’s career came in 1980. After giving a lecture to a group of New York broadcasters about the need for sex education programming, she was approached by WNYN-FM’s community affairs manager Betty Elam. Elam offered her a 15-minute radio show that would air each Sunday after midnight. It was called Sexually Speaking, and she was paid $25 a show.

Pretaped at 30 Rock’s NBC Studios each Thursday, Sexually Speaking caught on as word spread about the quirky, candid and informative radio host calling herself Dr. Ruth, who offered no-holds-barred advice on sex. The Wall Street Journal described her voice as a cross between Henry Kissinger and Minnie Mouse. Letters poured in from listeners seeking help.

Within months, Sexually Speaking went live and grew to an hour. Westheimer began taking calls on the air (though there was a seven-minute delay). Phone lines often were jammed, and producer Susan Brown began screening callers to determine which to send on to the doctor. By 1983, the program was drawing a quarter-million listeners weekly. The following year, it was syndicated across America.

As her radio star was rising, Westheimer also was becoming a fixture on television. In 1982, she made the first of 14 appearances on Late Night With David Letterman. The same year, she visited The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.

During the next two decades, she became a talk show favorite, guesting on such shows as Joan Rivers: Can We Talk?, The Howard Stern Show, Today, Vicki!, The Arsenio Hall Show, Tavis Smiley, The Doctors, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, The Daily Show and Rachael Ray. Westheimer even occupied a box on multiple occasions on The New Hollywood Squares.

Sexually Speaking made the leap to television in 1983 on Lifetime as Good Sex! Then, from 1984-87, Westheimer hosted Dr. Ruth Westheimer. This was followed by the All New Dr. Ruth Show in 1988, What’s Up, Dr. Ruth? in 1989 and Dr. Ruth’s Never Too Late in 1993.

A documentary about her life, Ask Dr. Ruth, made its world premiere at the 2018 Sundance Film Festival. “She’s intersected with so many important parts of world history that I don’t know if there’s another living person who has such a remarkable story,” the film’s director, Ryan White, said at the time.

Born Karola Ruth Siegel to Julius and Irma Siegel on June 4, 1928, in Frankfort, Germany, Westheimer grew up as the only child of a privileged Orthodox Jewish family.

All this changed in 1939. Fearful of the rising threat posed by the Nazis, Westheimer’s mother and grandmother sent the 10-year-old to Switzerland on a kindertransport — a children’s transport. It was the name given to the rescue mission believed to have saved some 10,000 Jewish children throughout World War II.

Westheimer never saw any of her family again. She later learned that her parents were sent to the Lodz Ghetto and likely killed at Auschwitz.

At 17, the orphan relocated to Palestine and became a member of the underground Jewish military organization. She acted as a lookout and was trained as a sniper. Westheimer insists she never shot at anyone, but the legend surrounding this story has grown through the years, and Snopes.com devoted a page to it.

In the entry, Westheimer is quoted as saying, “When I was in my routine training for the Israeli army as a teenager, they discovered completely by chance that I was a lethal sniper. I could hit the target smack in the center — further away than anyone could believe. Not just that, even though I was tiny and not even much of an athlete, I was incredibly accurate [at] throwing hand grenades, too. Even today, I can load a Sten automatic rifle in a single minute, blindfolded.”

On her 20th birthday, Westheimer was hit by shrapnel during an attack in Jerusalem and unable to walk for several months.

In 1949, Westheimer began teaching Yemeni children. She also met David, an Israeli soldier. They married the following year and moved to Paris. Here, Westheimer studied psychology at the Sorbonne and taught kindergarten. The couple divorced in 1955.

In 1956, with restitution money received from West Germany, Westheimer and a new boyfriend, Dan, left for New York. Able to secure a scholarship to study at The New School, she settled in the Washington Heights area of Manhattan.

In 1957, Westheimer became pregnant with her daughter, Miriam, and she and Dan married. They divorced the following year. She raised her baby alone until 1961, when, during a skiing trip in the Catskills, she met Manfred (Fred) Westheimer. She knew immediately they would marry, and at the end of that year, they did exactly that. They were together until Fred’s death in 1997. Fred adopted Miriam. Son Joel joined the family in 1964.

Westheimer popped up playing herself on the series Moonlighting, The Last Resort, Quantum Leap, Ally McBeal and Melrose Place and in the features Forever Lulu (1987) and Inside Deep Throat (2005). Honda, Pepsi, Clairol and Entenmann’s used Dr. Ruth to pitch their products.

With the publication of Dr. Ruth’s Guide to Good Sex in 1983, she started a decades-long career as an author. She published more than three dozen books, including Dr. Ruth’s Guide for Married Lovers (1987), Dr. Ruth Talks to Kids (1993), Sex for Dummies (1995), Grandma on Wheels (2001) and 52 Lessons on Communicating Love (2004). Her latest book, Myths of Love, was published in 2014.

She made her sexual wisdom available via video with Terrific Sex (1985), through the board game, Dr. Ruth’s Game of Good Sex, and on a calendar. She even became the subject of a stage play. Becoming Dr. Ruth opened off-Broadway in 2013, with Debra Jo Rupp playing the title character.

In the 1980s, she began writing a monthly advice column for Playgirl and the syndicated newspaper column Ask Dr. Ruth! The latter ran for more than three decades, with Westheimer continuing to answer the sexual questions of her fans well into her 80s.

In fact, as an octogenarian, she created a website, a YouTube channel and a Twitter account to address the sexual concerns of the social media generation.

In addition to her children, survivors include her four grandchildren.

Best of The Hollywood Reporter