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There is no cinematic mystery greater than the career of Nicolas Cage. The notorious actor has starred in almost a hundred movies with no consistent pattern running through any of them. One day he’ll be in a cringe-worthy drama about drugs and Osama bin Laden. The next, people will be singing his praises for his blood-soaked role in a horror movie. The day after he’ll be playing a noir detective in an Oscar-nominated animated Spider-Man movie. There’s no rhyme or reason to Cage’s acting legacy. Or is there?
By my highly scientific method (Googling pictures of Cage and scrolling through Rotten Tomatoes), I discovered his secret to critical success. The more insane and patently bad his hairstyle choices are, the better chance he has at creating a timeless hit. (Of note, some other takes have used the same data to reach different conclusions). Come with me and ignore the clear outliers like the well-dressed and well-received Mandy or the terribly costumed and hated The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. All of the secrets in Cage’s acting career can be unveiled by looking at one thing: his ever-changing hairline.
'Face/Off' (1997)
Movie Quality: It’s Cage at his most classic, and with a score of 92 percent on Rotten Tomatoes it also may be his more critically acclaimed.
Hair Quality: His absolute worst.
How can such a simple look go so very wrong? Lots of actors can rock the super short hair look no problem. Nicolas Cage is not one of them, as this movie proves. He looks like a wannabe Marine with a pair of sideburns that just won’t quit. Add in the fact that he also looks like he dumped his head in a vat of shoe polish, and it’s a look that just isn’t working no matter who’s in control.
'Raising Arizona' (1987)
Movie Quality: Excellent with a 91 percent critical score.
Hair Quality: Half-assed wig territory.
It wouldn’t be a Coen brothers movie without a lovable weirdo with a strange look. However, Nic’s hair is just a bit too out there. Is Cage supposed to look like he’s sporting a thrown on wig? What’s going on with that mustache? Is Holly Hunter really into this? The only question we can definitely answer is no, she is not.
'Adaptation' (2002)
Movie Quality: Another impressive 91 percent, in the books.
Hair Quality: A fluffy mess that’s just sad. Definitely not Cage looking his best.
Cage’s Adaptation hair is far from his worst look. But what makes it a bottom-of-the-barrel contender is that his simultaneously depressed and manic head of fluff appears on two main characters. This is a non-look that isn’t great for anyone, but it gets bonus points for being a hairstyle a writer would actually sport.
'Leaving Las Vegas' (1995)
Movie Quality: Wonderful at 90 percent. After all, this is the movie that earned Cage his Oscar.
Hair Quality: All over the place.
It’s not that Cage’s Leaving Las Vegas hair is bad, per se. It’s just wildly inconsistent. Some shots he’s rocking his terrible Face/Off buzz. Some scenes normal Nic Cage hair graces the screen. Sometimes hair and makeup clearly decided Cage needed a ton of eyeliner, stat. And sometimes whatever’s happening in the above image happens. It’s enough to drive you to drink!
'City of Angels' (1998)
Movie Quality: Critics didn’t care for it, but audiences sure did. It has an audience score of 82 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.
Hair Quality: Dear god, what happened here?
Cage’s hair in City of Angels should have been a slam dunk. It’s a generic romantic drama, so he just needed a generic romantic leading man short hair cut. That’s it. That’s all.
That’s not what Nic Cage took to the screen. Somehow his City of Angels look is too short, too choppy, and too fluffy for his face all at once. Also is he wearing eyeliner in this movie? How much eyeliner is he wearing? And who filled in his eyebrows with a crayon?
'Kick-Ass' (2010)
Movie Quality: At 75 percent this is a fresh movie.
Hair Quality: Still not great, but we’re morphing into believable Cage hair. We’re talking out-of-touch rocker dad hair.
That facial hair screams Tony Stark knockoff, but the swept back hair wings say burnt out ’80s rocker. It’s a lot, and none of it should work. And yet it sort of does? It’s an insane look, but it’s also one I think Cage may have genuinely rocked in his lifetime. Also, watching Cage channel his inner Adam West is a cinematic delight.
'National Treasure' (2004)
Movie Quality: A polite meh? Though the movie saw a critical score of 45 percent, its audience score was 76 percent. This is the pinnacle of a movie you’d catch the last 30 minutes of if it was playing on TNT.
Hair Quality: Perfectly fine. This is the baseline of Nic Cage hair.
His hair is swept back and styled but no so much that he looks like he invested in a bad wig company. The sideburns and part work with the forehead instead of battling it. The color looks real. Much like National Treasure itself, this is exactly where you want Nic Cage to be.
'Con Air' (1997)
Movie Quality: Once again this Cage installment was critically panned. The film received a 55 percent score.
Hair Quality: Luxuriously long and insane… but dare we say hot?
There’s a whole subsection of Nic Cage films that feature surprise long hair. Con Air is certainly the best known of them all, and as insane as this ’90s action movie is, Cage makes his locks work. His mane is messy but just silky enough to look kind of hot. And for once, Cage’s facial hair is working with him instead of against him. Overall, a good look in a middlingly reviewed film.
'Zandalee' (1991)
Movie Quality: Unapologetically awful. We’re talking a 33 percent bad.
Hair Quality: …10/10.
Look, Cage’s hair in Zandalee shouldn’t work on any level. It’s jet black, past his shoulders, and is paired with a facial hair CHOICE. But much like with most of Cage’s acting career, sometimes when you wholeheartedly commit to the insanity, greatness emerges. This is the confusing dichotomy of Cage in studio wig form. Terrible movie, though.
'The Wicker Man' (2006)
Movie Quality: God awful. It couldn’t clear a 15 percent.
Hair Quality: Inoffensively OK.
There a lot of craziness associated with The Wicker Man. All right, there’s one bonkers scene with a head cage associated with The Wicker Man. But for all of Cage’s screaming about bees, his hair is fairly unremarkable. It just looks like hair, which for Cage is an acting triumph on par with an Oscars win. It’s his most normal look in one of his most insane and critically hated films… So basically this is peak Cage.
'Birdy' (1984)
Movie Quality: Pretty good. It sports a 84 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.
Hair Quality: Freaking incredible.
Surprise, assholes! Good Nic Cage hair doesn’t only have to mean failure.
As Community infamously explored, Nicolas Cage’s career is too complicated to conform to typical notions of “good” or “bad.” He’s an ever-changing mystery. That applies to his Rotten Tomatoes score as much as it applies to his success to good hair ratio. Birdy sees Cage looking his best. Look at that flop! That perfect combing! That very present hairline! It’s a great look and in a twist of fate, the trippy Vietnam war drama is a solid movie too. This is the ratio at its best. Remember that.
