What we learned from summer movies

by Scott Brown, Gene Demby, Jin Moon, and Sandy Yang

We’ve been griping about the low IQ (and general inadequacy) of the season’s entertainment offerings. But while we thought we were just vegetating, showbiz was educating. Here are some newly rendered facts — confirmed by experts — for all you Cro-Magnons who’ve been (ha!) reading.

Nitrous oxide (laughing gas) makes cars go faster. (”The Fast and the Furious”)

Only men with noble bloodlines going back generations can joust in tournaments. Oh, and poet Geoffrey Chaucer was a deadbeat. (”A Knight’s Tale”)

You can paralyze a guy by sticking acupuncture needles in his neck. Of course, it’d also kill him. (”Kiss of the Dragon”)

You shouldn’t wash your hair after a perm. (”Legally Blonde”)

There is a rare disease — erythropoietic porphyria — that causes its victims’ skin to blister and teeth to turn red if they go outdoors. (”The Others”)

You can *69 a satellite phone — but it’ll cost about $15 a minute. (”Jurassic Park III”)

Never put a bra into a dryer. (”Hedwig and the Angry Inch”)

You can remove your own tattoo with a box cutter — but you’ll have a nasty scar. (”Six Feet Under”)

It’s possible to crack a safe by filling it with water and blowing off the door with explosives. (”The Score”)

Bootylicious is a perfectly good adjective. As in ”My body too bootylicious for ya, babe.” (Destiny’s Child)