'The Hills' recap: Lauren + Justin Bobby = Best Episode Yet!

This may just be the cynical side of me, but did anyone else happen to find last night’s episode of The Hills, in which Audrina and Lauren fought over a rumor that Lauren had hooked up with Justin Bobby, to be one of the best episodes of the series to date? There was raw emotion, bleeps due to the usage of swear words, tears, and shouting—just the sort of combination that this show needs in order to be revived from its dullness. Heck, the MTV producers ought to take a cue from last night and just start spreading rumors about these girls just to see what they can catch on tape. (I can see it now: “Excuse me, Stephanie. Yeah, we just wanted to tell you that Lo posted a blog that says you have herpes. And, if you could wait until the cameras are rolling to chew her out, that would be great.”)

On to the best and worst moments of the evening (along with helpful DVR time codes).

There were so many Up Hill Moments last night that I couldn’t just narrow it down to one, so here are my top three:

• Audrina leaves the world’s longest voicemail for Justin Bobby (13:39).After unsuccessfully attempting to talk to a pissed-off Lauren aboutthe Big Justin Bobby Scandal of ’08 (we can call it BJBS08 from nowon), Audrina then left a voicemail for J. Bobbby, who apparently wentMIA the moment the rumor surfaced. “I really need to talk to you so wecan clear this up,” she said. “I know I was harsh before, but with younot calling me, it’s kind of freaking me out….All the things peoplekeep putting in my ear about you and Lauren hooking up, it just makesme sick to my stomach.” Her voicemail seemed 100 percent sincere (ormaybe it was the Sara Bareilles tunes playing in the background thatmade the moment sappy?), and I could sense her frustration through mytelevision, but how idiotic did she seem for listening to the “peoplein her ear”?

• Justin Bobby responds to the world’s longest voicemail (16:45).So Audrina’s meets her “beau” at a bar to clear up the whole BJBS08ordeal, only he was not having any of it. “You think after all of thisthat I would run and hook up with Lauren?” J. Bob asked Audrinapointedly, and then continued, “I told you no, it didn’t happen, and ifyou don’t want to believe me, than I don’t know what else to tell you.”I agreed with his statement until he busted out with, “I would nevertalk to you the way you talked to me.” Um, rewind: He wouldn’t? This isthe guy who got the girl to swim around topless in her own pool with acamera crew in tow, only so he could alert her that he was planning totake a “hall pass” in Cabo. I get that Audrina was going a little offthe deep end with her witch hunt, but Justin Bobby shouldn’t be soquick to call the kettle black. He’s king of making the girl feel likecrap! Their conversation ended with this comment by J. Bob, which,fine, I will admit was well said and very true: “This is so stupid. Youput something in your head, and you think that you really believe itwhen it’s really fictitious. There’s something not right there, dude.”

• Lauren and Audrina cat fight at a nightclub— as Lo, and two random homeboys stare on (29:22).I don’t think I need to say much else about why this made my top threemoments because really, the exchange below does the work for me:

Lauren: Tell me what I’ve done to you to make you think I’m capable of doing this.

Audrina: You want me to sit here and make you a list?

L: Yeah I do.

A: You guys have been flirting before…

L: (said with a shriek) Flirting? I would rather kill myself than hook up with him. He is disgusting. Justin disgusts me.

(Then a few minutes later…)

A: I came here to resolve things, Lauren. Not to keep pointing my fingers at you.

L: Do you understand that you did this? I didn’t do anything.

A: You’re doing the same thing you did to Heidi to me.

L: No, I’m not because you’re way worse than Heidi.

A: No, I’m f—ing not.

L: You went and you did this, and you know me.

A: Apparently not.

WOW! I mean wow! What a dramatic conclusion to an equally dramaticfight. I’m not exactly the head cheerleader on Team Audrina, buthonestly, how can anyone (save Spencer) be worse than Heidi? That was alittle harsh on Lauren’s part to say that, but it was more harsh ofAudrina to not believe her after Lauren said for the millionth timethat she did NOT hook up with Justin Bobby.

Down Hill Moment: No timecodes here because I’m voting everything related to Speidi as the down Hill part of last night’s episode. (Oh, and I’m also ignoring yesterday’s outrageous newsabout the couple since I want to vomit every time I think about it).Can he get a job already? And can she wipe that silly pout off her faceevery time she tries to pretend like she’s upset or hurt aboutsomething (poor thing, she has to work in a fake cubicle now. That fakeoffice sure must look like a mansion, right Heidi?). I loved that Hollycontinued to confront Spencer about his a-hole ways, but now that weknow the outrageous news that, yes, I’m still ignoring, we know Heidi’s never going to listen to her sister.

What were your favorite parts of the episode, Pop Watchers? If youhad to pick a side, which would it be: Lauren’s and Justin Bobby’s orAudrina’s? Where the heck is this rumor-spreading Dino guy—don’t youwant him to come forward and confess his sins? Finally, should “You didthis” replace “You know what you did” in the Lauren Conrad QuotationHall of Fame now?