SoundBites: Sept. 30, 2011

”A lot of people are very curious why I’m a lesbian. Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of Entourage.”

—Jane Lynch, introducing the lead actors as presenters, on the Emmys

”I’ve never danced my underwear off in my life. She goes hard. I give her credit.”

—Pauly D, talking about Deena losing her underwear while dancing, on Jersey Shore

”I talked in short sentences. I didn’t sing. I laughed, I smiled, I said I needed rebound sex, and it totally worked. He asked me out.”

—Jess (Zooey Deschanel) on New Girl

”You should learn to knock. What if I was indecent?”

—Damon (Ian Somerhalder), to Elena (Nina Dobrev), after intentionally stepping out of the shower naked, on The Vampire Diaries

”She’s gonna be down to just a couple soon…. It’s a dire situation here.”

—Lisa Vanderpump, on Camille Grammer losing her Colorado home, on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills