16 and Pregnant recap: Fool's Gold

You know your financial situation is desperate when you invest in a gold-mining kit. But as future teen parents, without college degrees, your options are limited, and when you live in Arizona, do as the Arizonans. When a mall security job wasn’t adequately erasing Aubrey and Brandon’s mounting debt, Brandon, aka Old Prospector, got creative. I really hope these two can cash in on a few ounces of gold to help them stay afloat, but then again, I’m someone who’s always envisioned myself marrying Prince William. Some things just aren’t meant to be.

Give Brandon credit for trying, but spending $91 on the aforementioned kit was also not the first of his questionable get-out-of-debt-quick ideas. Mom-to-be Aubrey was blinded by love and had dropped out of high school and moved in with her older man before she got pregnant. Once a baby was on the way, Brandon lost his job, and the couple was quickly evicted from their apartment. Not to worry, because Brandon was putting feelers out. “I want to apply at Best Buy…it’s something I could do, right? Probably. Unless they ask me about anything computers,” he said. No matter, I usually go to Best Buy for their quality meats, and I liked the way he was frying that bacon.

Brandon and Aubrey found shelter at her grandmother’s house, although it was clear — and awesome — that she did not really want them to be there. Add in the inevitable baby, and Nema let her true grouch show. “I’m not very anxious to have a baby in the house, like I said, been there, done that, and I’m not very crazy about babies and they make me nervous!” Preach.

Aubrey’s grandma repeatedly lectured the kids of the importance of saving and attempted to pry a move-out date from their broke little fingers. In her mind, it’s all very easy: Don’t go out to eat, don’t shop, and save your money. But they’re really trying! They don’t go out to eat…often. And they don’t go shopping…often. Grandma wasn’t buying it. Watching this conversation even made me squirm. What powers does the woman possess? It was as if Grandma knows when I stop at Anthropologie after work. (But Nema, it’s right across the street!).

Grandma wasn’t alone, as almost everyone in Aubrey’s life appeared skeptical or visibly frustrated by the decision she was making. Her friend waxed poetic about her “future,” and rendered it impossible for Aubrey to make anything of her life once she was tied down by a family. “I want just want to be able to do so much stuff, that like having a baby and having a husband would like restrict, you know? [sic],” said not-so supportive friend #1. Meanwhile, Aubrey’s family members reinforced the fact that raising a baby is hard work. Her Aunt Heidi even tried to test her commitment on her wedding day by reminding her, “it’s a marriage, not a school dance.” But Aubrey was determined to take the next step, and nothing — not even her aunt’s disapproval of her fugly shoe choice, could stop her.

NEXT: Aubrey takes control of her career — hubby’s objections be damned!

And haters be damned, Aubrey approached her own future with the same determination and confidence as her fashion choices. Despite never having worked a day in her life, and not having her GED, Aubrey broke out the books before baby Austin arrived. Brushing off Brandon’s teasing (for the record 2,000 divided by 4 is 500, but your jokes are not appreciated here, sir) she got herself to a practice test and met with an instructor to go over her results. Yeah, about those. You knew things didn’t go well when Aubrey jumped to cut off the instructor before he could utter the first syllable of her scores: “I’m really excited to get my GED so I can go to college, because that’s what I’m excited for in the future!” Poor thing, unfortunately that’s not going to bump your math scores up by 30 percent, but it will most likely make you the teacher’s pet.

Based on this setback, Aubrey could have accepted Brandon’s misogynistic belief that she is better suited at home because of her superior cooking and “efficient” cleaning skills. “You can have [a life]. Being a housewife isn’t that bad, lots of women love it,” Brandon said. Hmm, some women might beg to differ. Brandon blamed his reasoning on her lack of a GED, saying that it didn’t make “financial sense” for her to work, because that is worse than no money, of course (maybe he is taking a page or two from the Real Housewives). I simply blame it on the fact that he’s a pig. But I guess pigs can fly.

Aubrey shrugged off her husband’s machismo and displaced anger and began to focus on her “career” (note how she repeatedly spoke of starting a “career” for herself rather than simply working a series of “jobs” like Brandon). She applied to a position “online” at a local pizzeria and got the job (!), even after a shaky interview. Sure, she lacked pretend phone-call skills (bonus points for using her hand as a phone) but she’s a genuine girl who likes working with people now get me out of this house so I can turn off the daytime TV and stop playing solitaire!

In the end, Brandon displayed a newfound understanding and willingness to cooperate that really surprised me. He acted like such a sexist, stubborn fool, that I actually believed he would enforce this me-wife-no-work-me-wife-make-food ideal. Yet, when baby Austin arrived, he made time for diaper duty and bathtime, and kept his grumbles to a minimum. When Aubrey revealed she’d be working too (as most parents must do in this day and age, she reminded us) he handled it well, and even agreed to watch Austin while mom was at work. Turns out he was mostly worried that his little boy would be left alone. Am I allowed to say “awww” now?

Did Brandon win you over this week, or do you still think he’ll try to control Aubrey? With growing baby expenses and preexisting debt, it will be tight for these two to make it out of grandma’s house, but can they make it work? Would things really have been different if Aubrey hadn’t dropped out of high school? Does anyone want to try calling her pizzeria to see if she’s come up with a response to complaints? Sound off below!

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