Jane the Virgin recap: 'Chapter 62'

Love is in the air at the Villanueva household. Or, more accurately, lust is in the air at the Villanueva household. Since Jane no longer cares about protecting her flower, she’s decided to take it out for a spin with Fabian so she can experience her first fling. Her newfound carefree attitude blossoms at the perfect time: Jane’s editor has landed her a writing gig at Cosmopolitan as a guest columnist. The pitch? “What’s it like to be dating as a widow at 28?”

This is so convenient! Jane is totally “dating” right now. Cue the Sex in the City themed opening montage. How would Carrie Bradshaw approach this article? Why, she would dictate thoughts onto her laptop while looking out her window at a quaint New York City street, of course.

Jane is ready to tackle this assignment with sultry come-hither looks at Fabian. He, on the other hand, wants to discuss books. Does Fabian only see her brains when he looks at her? Not quite. Fabian goes all Samantha on Jane, telling her that he would burn all the books and make love to her right in the ashes. When Jane asks if romance is still on the table, considering he’s saving himself for something serious, Fabian leans in and confesses that he would gladly take Jane on that table. In fact, he can’t wait any longer. He wants to make L-O-V-E.

Jane scurries to the bathroom to have a conversation with herself about the importance of not taking her purity flower too seriously. After swatting away a reflection of Alba’s image in the mirror, Jane receives an actual phone call from Alba. (SHE CAN SEE YOU, JANE.) Poor Mateo had a nightmare and is asking for his mother. The flower has officially been saved by the kid.

Jane waltzes out of the bathroom to tell Fabian that she’s going to have to rain check their “table time.” That’s when she notices him in all his naked glory. See? I told you he was a Samantha. Fabian completely understands that Jane’s first priority is her son. Jane maintains eye contact as long as possible, satisfied that it’s clear Fabian is attracted to her.

As for sweet Mateo, he’s having a hard time. Jane learns that some kid at school called him “artificial.” My bet is that it was one of the twins. She explains that it’s silly to think that he is artificial because he is flesh and bone right there in his bed! This automatically leads to, “How are babies made?” Jane cobbles together a story about how there’s an egg and a swimmer and a special hug. Mateo seems satisfied.

With one crisis averted, we can concentrate on another — Petra. When we last saw her, she and Chuck were driving to a bar to see if anyone knew about this “Jerky Pants” fellow. Spoiler: According to Anezka, Jerky Pants is Chuck!

Chuck is forced to pull over at a shady hotel in the middle of nowhere since the bar is closed. Convenient. While he takes a shower, Petra plugs in her dead phone and listens to two messages from Rafael as she combs through crime scene photos of Scott. When she hears Rafael’s confession of love, a shocked Petra drops the phone.

Meanwhile, the police show up at Rafael’s looking for Petra. Chuck is Jerky Pants! Rafael calls, but Petra is too emotional to pick up the phone. She rifles through Chuck’s bag to find a shirt to wear and spies shells. The same shells Scott was wearing in his crime scene photo! OH NO!

Rafael calls again, and Petra wastes no time answering since Chuck is in the shower. She whispers, “I’m with Chuck! I think he killed Scott! I’m in a dumpy motel in Pensacola!” Rafael shouts for her to get out, but Chuck is there to stop her. Petra cracks a glass pitcher over his head (very nice, for a dumpy motel) and runs like crazy.

Chuck follows Petra into the street and manages to stop her from running. He swears he’s not a killer. He paid Scott to get him some inside information but refused to pay when Scott upped his price last minute. He has no idea what “JP” means, but he did lie in a murder investigation — just like Petra did. Their argument escalates to the point of shouting. Chuck ends the exchange with a powerful, “I love you!” That’s when the cops show up and arrest him.

Back at Jane’s house, Xo helps her daughter get ready for her fling. I find that weird, but Xo and Jane share things that clearly my mom and I do not. Let’s roll with it. She and Xo have been extra giddy since Xo’s announcement of her pending wedding to Rogelio. Jane wriggles into something tight and pink and, per her own mother’s suggestion, decides to go commando for the evening.

Fabian answers the door, compliments her on how sexy she looks, and then introduces her to his grandmother. Wow. This is big time serious if abuelas are involved! It’s too bad Fabian’s grandmother is clumsy and drops forks. How Jane manages a perfect plié down to the floor to pick up said fork without showing her undercarriage is beyond me. In other news, red flags are flying in Jane’s face. Should she be meeting his grandmother when they’ve only been dating for five minutes? This is supposed to be casual!

Jane confides in Xo that Fabian wants more than a fling. She can’t keep seeing him. Rogelio makes one small request. He wants Jane to hold off on the breakup until after their big upcoming telenovela scene. Then Xo announces that they will be getting married at the courthouse on Tuesday. Who needs a big fancy wedding?

Later, Alba plops down Xo’s wedding scrapbook from when she was a kid. What’s this about a 4 o’clock wedding at Miami Municipal? Xo softens. She doesn’t want a big wedding because she’s afraid it will remind Jane of her and Michael’s nuptials. Rogelio agrees. Jane has some pretty sweet parents.

Speaking of parents, Rafael and Jane are dealing with an interesting dilemma. It seems that Mateo has been giving his friends “special hugs” because he wants to make babies with them. When Jane tries to explain that you have to be an adult to give “special hugs,” Mateo asks if that’s what mommy and daddy did to make him. Hardly. Who wants ice cream? Jane and Rafael must figure out a way to amend their unique “birds and the bees” story.

But before they figure out this bedtime story, Jane must break it off with Fabian. Unfortunately, at the exact same time she’s going to drop the hammer, Fabian drops the news on live television that he and Jane are in a relationship. He Tom Cruises the couch, for crying out loud!

Jane is furious. She blows up at Fabian, telling him that she wanted things to be casual. Fabian stalks off in a huff, happy that he did not make love to Jane Villanueva.

Moving on from one sticky situation to another, Jane and Rafael tuck Mateo into bed, ready to address the story of his inception. They explain that the order of things was different for their family. It’s because of Mateo that mommy and daddy came together, instead of the other way around. They even go as far as to admit that Aunt Luisa wasn’t paying attention. TMI? I think so, but Mateo seems fine once Jane clarifies that a lot of things had to happen in order for Mateo to be here. In fact, he’s a miracle.

Mateo asks his mom and dad to stay in the room with him until he falls asleep. This launches a conversation between Jane and Rafael from one end of the bed to the other, through text messages. Jane invites Rafael to the telenovela blessing the next day — a priest blesses the set, the actors, the ratings, etc. Rafael can’t go since he has plans with Petra and the girls. He confesses that Petra never heard his message, and he’s unwilling to tell her again, thanks to all the Chuck/Scott drama.

The next day, Fabian finds Jane at the blessing, insisting she stay at his side since his couch jumping clip has gone viral. They need to appear that they are together, just for the night. Jane obliges, but as the night drags on, the fake relationship becomes a joke.

On the other side of the set, Alba and Jorge admit their feelings for one another; their hearts even light up to prove this is the real deal. The intimate moment is dashed when Jane crashes their party, desperate to get away from Fabian, and the trio watch as Xo and Rogelio gaze into each other’s eyes. Jane wonders aloud why her parents aren’t having a real wedding, then approaches them, giving her blessing to get crazy. Go big or go home. I have no doubt Rogelio is making a phone call to Elon Musk right now to arrange a ceremony in space.

At the end of the party, Fabian apologizes to Jane, and she does the same in return. All she wanted was sex. Interestingly enough, that’s pretty much all Fabian wants now, too. He can always start his “no sex pledge” over again next month. What’s wrong with scratching a physical attraction itch? Jane hears the Sex in the City music in her ears and agrees to meet him at his place in 30 minutes. Or 15.

Jane calls her mom from the car, panicking a little. Xo reminds her that she wants a no-strings-attached night. She should not feel guilty about the stupid flower. And if she doesn’t got to the hot telenovela guy’s house this instant, Xo is going to uninvite her to the wedding. Jane smiles, heads to Fabian’s apartment, and proceeds to engage in some hot and heavy physical activity. Something tells me her Cosmo article is going to be juicy.

THE CLIFFHANGERS:

– Who was watching Rogelio from a car outside the studio?

– Do you think Rafael is truly happy for Jane when she calls to tell him about her first official fling?

– Now that Petra has slipped and accidentally divulged that she did hear Rafael’s declaration of love on her voicemail, will she choose him or Chuck?

– And who was the woman who gave Chuck the shell bracelet on the beach that night? Was the composite of the sketch artist’s drawing a picture of Sin Rostro? It has to be her, right?