Make Me Laugh

Cosmo (sung by Donald O'Connor):

Though the world is so full of a number things,
I know we should all be as happy as
But are we?
No, definitely no, positively no.
Decidedly no. Mm mm.
Short people have long faces and
Long people have short faces.
Big people have little humor
And little people have no humor at all!
And in the words of that immortal buddy
Samuel J. Snodgrass, as he was about to be lead
To the guillotine:
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
(Ha ha!)
My dad said "Be an actor, my son
But be a comical one
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines"
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite
And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat
Just slip on a banana peel
The world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em...
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh
My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke
But give it plenty of hoke
Make 'em roar
Make 'em scream
Take a fall
Run a wall
Split a seam
You start off by pretending
You're a dancer with grace
You wiggle till they're
Giggling all over the place
And then you get a great big custard pie in the face
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know... all the... wants...
My dad...
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!

"Make 'Em Laugh" ~ Singin' in the Rain (1952)
https://youtu.be/SND3v0i9uhE

Actually a quote from baseball great, Yogi Berra, I believe, :

“When you come to a fork in the road….take it.”

Rodney Dangerfield – I get no respect:

I was 8 years old – on my first airline flight with my parents.

We were traveling over the ocean.

My mother put my hat on and said “Go outside and play”

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?
It's making headlines.

What's the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

Ripping this off from an Instagram Reel.

My wife asked me, "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
I told her, "No, I never knew he could."

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens...

I bought art on fine art america :)

Bread to the dough;

Don’t mind the baker. He’s just trying to get a rise out of you.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope

ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.

ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

Dog owner: "The neighbors tell me you've been chasing people on bicycles!"

Dog: "They're lying, I don't even have a bicycle!"

Maybe an image can make you laugh - as this horse was laughing at me for taking his picture. :)

Spelling is hard... a couple of letters get messed up and your whole sentence is urined....

I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day , but I couldn't find any.

I got a booster shot recently because the doctor told me my laugh was contagious.

Hee Haw!

Why do doctors whack newborns on the bottom?

To knock the weenies off the smart ones! 0:)

Firstly, thank you all for making me smile this evening!

I must admit I do also like the occasional geek joke. Such as...

- There are 10 types of people in this world,
- Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

That joke’s a “10”!

Why don't they play poker in the jungle??

There are too many cheetahs.

Richard, please brush your horses teeth.
I have a toilet brush I can loan you.

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

How did the French fry propose to the hamburger?

He gave her an onion ring.

Why can’t stir fry be cooked on the ocean?

Because you can’t wok on water.

I go to the gym religiously.

About twice a year around the holidays.

A three-foot, three-inch tall man knocked at my door.

"Who might you be?" I asked.

"I'm the meter man," he replied.

I saw a one-armed man shopping at a secondhand store...

I don't think he's going to find what he's looking for.

My colleague told me he has a fear of attachment.

I said, "It's okay, I'll just print the PDF."

I went to a restaurant run by cows.

They didn’t allow tipping.

My single friend won’t date English teachers anymore.

He says their always trying to correct you're grammar.

My wife asked me if I ate the ice cream she had in the freezer.

I told her no. I ate it on the couch.

What do you call a scientist who studies carbonation?

A fizzicist.

Where does Spider-Man look when he needs some information?

Webster’s dictionary.

What goes Ooo Ooo ?

A cow with no lips.

Five rhymes with live.

Give rhymes with live, but five doesn't rhyme with give and live doesn't rhyme with live.

My wife asked me to put tomato ketchup on the shopping list that I was writing out.

I can’t read a word now.

Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?

Or just a low ha ha?

What do you call a scientist that studies carbonation?

A fizzicist.

My boss texted me, "Hey, send me one of your funny jokes!"

Me: I’m working at the moment, I'll send you one later.

My boss: Ha! That was hilarious! Send me another one!

For the record …

I should probably buy a turntable.

How do you know when you're getting old?

When you have upstairs Ibuprofen and downstairs Ibuprofen.

What was left after the French cheese factory exploded?

Da Brie.

Our local barber got busted for dealing drugs.

I've been going to him for years and I never knew he was a barber.

My uncle is an author.

Oh really, what typewriter?

What’s do witches like best about school?

Spell-ing.

Can you believe I got fired from my job as a taxi driver?

My customers didn’t like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

When I was a child we used to roll down hills in old tires.

Those were good years.

I'm retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

A couple bats started a business, but it didn’t last very long.

Apparently it was a fly-by-night operation.