(This is a satire.)

In the latest presidential debate, an event that undeniably spotlighted President Joe Biden’s commanding understanding of policy and leadership, his performance was occasionally punctuated by the mild symptoms of a common cold. Despite this, Biden articulated a vision for America that resonated with clarity and wisdom, leaving former President Donald Trump grappling with the complexities of the issues at hand, clearly on the ropes, struggling to stand.

For those who might claim Biden seemed slightly off his game, it’s essential to remember that even seasoned statesmen are not immune to the trivial annoyances of a cold. Yet, Biden’s slight sniffles didn’t deter him from delivering sharp, cogent arguments on the economy, healthcare, and international diplomacy, areas where Trump’s responses often seemed more aligned with the chaotic swirl of conspiracy theories than with concrete reality.

Now, in the corners of the internet where the earth is flat, vaccines spawn microchips, and Elvis is still alive, there might be voices that dare suggest Trump outperformed Biden in this debate. To believe that Trump won, one must suspend reality to a degree that would make even the boldest conspiracy theorist blush. Suggesting Trump’s disjointed rebuttals and often factually adrift declarations were superior to Biden’s informed and rational discourse is akin to claiming that the moon landing was staged in a Hollywood basement.

Indeed, in the world according to Trump supporters, Biden’s comprehensive plans for advancing the nation’s infrastructure, technology, and education must have seemed like mere illusions, the cold symptoms perhaps misconstrued as a metaphor for a presidency they mistakenly view as faltering. In this upside-down world, Trump’s vague references and unfulfilled promises apparently carry more weight than Biden’s actual achievements and the tangible benefits they have brought to the American people.

Let’s be clear: Subscribing to the narrative that Trump was the debate’s victor could easily be grouped with other baseless theories like election denial or unfounded fears about the safety of COVID-19 vaccines. It’s a stretch of the imagination worthy of science fiction, requiring a detachment from reality that's both profound and perplexing.

Fellow Americans, let’s not let a common cold cloud our vision of the future—a future that needs four more years of Joe Biden’s steady leadership. And why stop there? Imagine following that with eight years of Hunter Biden in the White House, maintaining the continuity of the current uber-successful social and economic policies that have clearly defined this administration.

We are told that if re-elected in 2024, Joe Biden plans to gift every U.S. citizen their own updated version of the classic book 1984. This edition, marking 40 years from the date of the then-futuristic cryptic predictive date of total governmental control over its citizens, will celebrate the arrival of a new era where “lies are the new truth” and “totalitarianism is the new peace”—all for the good of all. Indeed, it’s a bold vision, one that commits to keeping America on its current prosperous and enlightened path.

Note: The above editorial by ‘Li Ur’ was a satire, if you haven’t figured that out yet. Li Ur is a pen name for Jerry McGlothlin for occasional satirical essays such as this one. Jerry McGlothlin is a seasoned political commentator, the CEO of Special Guests Publicity and founder of the conservative online video channel OpinionsChannel.com.

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