With weddings comes big decisions—and the pressure to make everyone happy.
One bride-to-be felt this keenly after she refused to wear a gifted wedding dress from her future sister-in-law, leading to rifts within the family.
She took to Reddit as u/Capital_Manager_7070 to ask for advice after she elected to wear her mother's old wedding dress instead. Newsweek spoke to registered clinical counselor Niloufar Esmaeilpour about the post, which has received 15,000 upvotes.
"My mother's wedding dress has been passed down for generations and I remember being a little girl dreaming of walking down the aisle in it," the original poster (OP) wrote. "We have recently been wedding planning and we were invited to a dinner hosted by my fiance's family...[sister-in-law] stood up and tapped her spoon against her glass, and said that she had to make a toast."
The OP explained that her sister-in-law returned with a large plastic bag with her wedding dress from two years ago inside.
"Everyone began clapping as [sister-in-law] announced that this was her official wedding gift to us, and she wanted to me to wear her dress at the wedding," she wrote. "I tried to smile but I guess I didn't do a good job of hiding my disappointment and everyone began asking me what was wrong. I tried to explain how I wanted to wear my mother's dress and that it was nothing personal, but that I refused to wear my [sister-in-law's] dress."
The assertion led to chaos. The OP's future sister-in-law began crying, and the OP herself burst into tears and ran outside. Finally, her fiance came out to her—but only to yell at her to get into the car.
"I was so confused, but I got into the car just to hear him berate me on how I had made such a big scene and embarrassed him in front of his family," she said. "My fiance also said how [sister-in-law] was just trying to be nice and that her dress was more modern compared to my mother's dress which looked like an 'old rag'."
People in the comments overwhelmingly supported the OP.
"Ma'am you need to leave that whole family behind including your fiance," one person wrote. "You just had a [peek] into your future if you carry on with this relationship."
"Do not waste your mama's wedding dress on this man," another said. "He doesn't deserve it."
'Extreme reaction'
Niloufar Esmaeilpour, registered clinical counselor and somatic experiencing practitioner at Lotus Therapy & Counseling Centre, told Newsweek that the in-laws' upset at the bride was understandable—but only to an extent.
"One can understand—to a point—the upset of the fiance's family, as one would surmise that their gift was a way to show love and to make the bride one of their own family," she said. "Their reaction really crossed a line, even more so if the bride were to be made to feel guilty or pressured at all."
Esmaeilpour said that many brides aspire to wear their mothers' wedding dresses, and that the decision of what to wear to one's own wedding is "very personal."
"Therefore, a bride feels quite importantly about feeling comfortable and happy with the pieces she chooses," she said. "This situation very well reflects disrespect toward the bride's autonomy and personal desires—something that can be visible in every relationship and is, therefore, a red flag."
Moving forward, Esmaeilpour advised premarital counseling for the couple, which would help expose deeper issues.
"Maybe in the future, the two stakeholders could just frankly discuss their expectations with each other, even the boundaries," she said. "Basically, the two sides of the family should be supportive and respect both decisions of the couple, bearing in mind that, after all, it is the wedding day of only the two involved.
"In a way, their happiness should be the prime concern. Effective communication and mutual respect are crucial in this conflict and could lay a good base for the future ahead."
Newsweek reached out to u/Capital_Manager_7070 for comment via Reddit. We could not confirm the details of the case.
About the writer
Maria Morava is a Newsweek reporter based in Edinburgh, U.K. Her focus is reporting on relationships. She has covered news, ... Read more
