Reason Bride Fired Childhood Friend as Maid of Honor Cheered—'Privilege'

A bride who fired her best friend from the role of maid of honor at her wedding has been backed over the decision after her reasons came to light.

Weddings can be expensive affairs; a survey of 9,318 American couples who wed in 2023 conducted by The Knot found that the average cost of nuptials in the country was $35,000. The bride's dress can be particularly costly, with the same survey finding that an average of $2,000 was spent on the woman of the hour's gown.

Given the incredible outlay, it is perhaps understandable that some couples try to save money wherever possible. In fact, it's an idea that appears perfectly acceptable to many U.S. adults.

In a 2021 YouGov poll of 1,295 adults, 40 percent approved of the idea of a wedding having a pay bar, rather than an open one, with 35 percent opposed to it.

In a Reddit post shared three days ago under the handle u/Witty_Tumbleweed_, a woman who is due to be married in September wrote how she sought to save some money by having her bridesmaids and maid of honor pay for their own dresses.

"For some context we're all in our mid twenties, employed, with no children, my wedding is out of town for my Maid of Honor and a couple other bridesmaids, but I'm getting a hotel room for all out of town bridesmaids for the wedding," the bride wrote.

"The dress shopping trip was out of town so I paid for the two hotel rooms while we were there and I drove my mom, brought my Maid of Honor and a couple other bridesmaids since they still live in my hometown."

Though she asked her bridesmaids and maid of honor to purchase their own dresses, her only requirement for the outfits they chose was that they were "a specific blue and no satin material."

However, while most of her bridesmaids purchased dresses in the $100 to $150 range, she said her maid of honor picked out a $350 dress. That was where the problems began.

According to the post, the bride has known her maid of honor since fifth grade, but they had seen each other less in recent times. "I moved away for college and we drifted apart, but I'd see her every time I came home," she said.

A day after the dress shopping trip, the maid of honor began to complain to one of the bridesmaids about having to pay for her dress. She said, if the bride wanted "a specific dress for them to wear," she should pay for it.

Though the bridesmaid defended the bride's actions, a month later the maid of honor contacted the bride to ask that she buy her the dress. "I told her it wouldn't be fair if I bought her dress and no one else's and I couldn't afford to buy everyone's dress," the bride wrote. "She said she is the Maid of Honor and that everyone would understand it was a privilege she got. I disagreed and our argument got a little heated."

In the end, the poster told her friend, "if she could not get the dress, she couldn't be in the wedding," and the call ended abruptly. Though her friend's mom condemned her actions, arguing that the now ex-maid of honor is struggling for money, the bride is refusing to budge. Though she has said her friend is still invited, some family members think she "should have just paid for the dress."

Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas, told Newsweek that this particular dilemma was a prime example of why transparency and communication are important.

"In this case, the bride seems to be paying for a reasonable amount of expenses; however, if the maid of honor wants a particular dress that is out of budget, it's on her to pay for it," Gottsman said.

"Additionally, if she's short on funds, she has no business picking out the most-expensive dress and expecting the bride to cover the cost. Everyone in the wedding party is special, not only the maid of honor. And it would be unfair to favor one bridesmaid over the other."

Despite this, Gottsman felt it was unfortunate that the situation had escalated in this way, as it could have been avoided entirely with clear communication.

"When asked to be a bridesmaid, make sure you know expectations, and only agree if you are comfortable with the financial commitment, because there is definitely a financial commitment that goes along with being in a wedding party," she said.

While Gottsman saw both sides, the vast majority on Reddit sided firmly with the bride. One user wrote: "If she truly wanted to be in your wedding, she would have saved $100-$150 over a two-year period. Clearly, her desire was to score an expensive dress that she did not have to pay for."

A second commented: "Sometimes brides pay for bridesmaids' dresses. Sometimes they don't. Maid of Honor knew you weren't and picked a dress at least twice as expensive as everyone else's, then whined that it was too expensive."

A third, meanwhile, added: "If she was tight on money she should've said that upfront and asked if you could help her purchase the dress. She certainly shouldn't have picked a $350 dress, complain to a bridesmaid, wait a while then ask you to buy the dress."

Newsweek reached out to u/Witty_Tumbleweed_, but was unable to verify the details of the case.

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