Why Woman Ditched Brother's Wedding for Vacation Applauded: 'I Said No'

A woman has been praised for planning to go on vacation instead of attending her brother's wedding.

Weddings typically bring family together, but in this case, a couple's special day appears to have torn them apart.

In a viral post shared on Reddit's "Am I The A******" channel, user u/trashgirlfriend explained that her brother, Tom, is preparing to marry his fiancée, Sarah in September and that she was asked to be a bridesmaid.

The woman, 26, explained that she never had a strong relationship with her 36-year-old brother due to their 10-year age gap, so she was surprised that they wanted her in their wedding party. She accepted and saved up to buy an $800 bridesmaid dress. She was even starting to get "hyped" for the wedding.

The bride then dropped a bombshell on the Redditor: she was being replaced.

"Sarah recently got close with her brother's wife Becky (30f). Last week she dropped the ball on me that she no longer wants me to be a bridesmaid and she would prefer if Becky would take my place," the Redditor wrote. "It broke my heart a little but it's her wedding and it's not my place to tell her how to run it so I said it was fine."

Naturally, she went over to her brother's house to pick up her $800 dress so she could return it. That's where the problems began

"Sarah was completely appalled and said that Becky was going to wear it since she and I are the same size," the Redditor said. "I said that would be fine, but they would have to pay me the $800 for it. Sarah said that Becky couldn't afford and I should just be nice and let her use it and said that I could keep it after the wedding."

The Redditor said that her brother and his fiancée tried to "compromise" with her by offering to pay a fraction of the price of the dress and making her the "assistant flower girl" instead.

This revelation convinced the woman to sell her dress and plan a trip to Miami, skipping the wedding entirely.

"I told them I understand that it's their wedding but they are being extremely disrespectful to me and I don't need to deal with it and I'm not going to the wedding," she said. "After I said no, they then said that Becky could give me 250 bucks for it. Again no and I returned the dress and got a full refund."

Wedding expert and Hitched.co.uk Editor Zoe Burke told Newsweek that while wedding plans can change the couple must handle them with respect towards their guests.

"It's really hard to keep everyone happy when planning a wedding whilst staying true to your own plans and vision. What you can do though is let people down gently and treat them with kindness and respect," Burke said.

"If you've bought items for a role in a wedding, and then you're no longer participating in that role due to a decision from the couple, it would be polite for the couple to reimburse you if they can.

"The best advice I can give to couples choosing their wedding party is to not do it in a hurry—take time to really consider what role the person will play, and your relationship with them. If you rush into that decision, you might end up regretting your choices and it can put you in an awkward situation."

In 2022, the average cost of a wedding in the United States was estimated to be $30,000, according to the wedding planning website The Knot. This represented a $2,000 increase from the year before.

Since being shared on Tuesday the Reddit post has attracted more than 25,100 upvotes and some 4,800 comments. The overwhelming majority of people who commented praised the Reddit user for skipping the wedding.

Reddit user Auntie-Mam69, whose comment was upvoted 38,000 times, said: "NTA (not the a******). Go to Miami. A wedding is not an event where a soon-to-be sister-in-law and your own brother s*** all over you and you smile and take it."

Prudent_Plan_6451 wrote: "A 26-year-old assistant flower girl? Really? How insulting."

BlocktheBleak commented: "NTA When they tried to steal back the dress and the title it felt like the signal was that they want to uninvite you from the head table, but still get the gifts and the brownie points for inviting you."

DontTakeMyAdviceHere wrote: "Assistant flower girl equals childcare is expected. NTA - they really sound awful and entitled."

Newsweek reached out to u/trashgirlfriend via Reddit for comment.

Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.