Woman Applauded for Why She's 'Sabotaging' Husband's Gaming Tournament

A woman struggling with a newborn baby and a husband she says doesn't help out has been applauded online for "sabotaging" his chances in an online gaming tournament.

The new mother took to Reddit sub AITAH [Am I The A*****e] on July 10 to share that her husband was barely speaking to her and had called her "selfish, irresponsible, and accused me of sabotaging his one form of relaxation," and that his friends were even messaging her saying he should leave her.

Her story prompted a huge reaction, with postpartum therapist Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, telling Newsweek the husband needs to "realize that supporting his partner and helping with the baby are far more important than a game, and that his priorities need to change."

The Reddit user explained they had welcomed a baby daughter, Emma, three months ago, and while she is on maternity leave, when her husband Jake finishes working from home at 5 p.m. he starts gaming, refusing to help with their daughter, despite her "visibly struggling and desperate for support."

Their daughter is struggling to breastfeed, and the woman has suffered mastitis twice, an inflammation and potential infection of breast tissue that causes pain, fever and chills, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Goldberg, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, said it appears "the woman's husband is not fully recognizing the demands of caring for a newborn, including interrupted sleep and the physical recovery after childbirth. It is common for the partner who is not the primary caregiver to misunderstand the intensity and challenges involved.

"Despite the woman's efforts to communicate her need for help, her husband has not responded appropriately."

Continuing on her Reddit post, the user, u/Puzzled-Two6615, said one night after being up with their daughter several times, while her husband was still up gaming on the computer, she asked him to take over so she could sleep.

He refused, and said: "You're on maternity leave and free all day while I have to work, so I need time to relax. You're just sitting around doing nothing all day anyway."

And so, "exhausted and on the verge of tears," she turned off the Wi-Fi, and he "completely lost it."

"Apparently, he and his friends were in some sort of online tournament, and they were about to win when I unplugged the Wi-Fi," she wrote.

Goldberg told Newsweek: "In cases like this, tensions often escalate, leading to a dramatic action to get the other partner's attention, which she has done.

"Given the circumstances, her actions were justified as they did not cause any true harm, although he may feel embarrassed or slighted by not being able to finish his game. However, these feelings are minor compared to the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship and properly caring for their newborn."

When the mother tried to explain, her husband refused to listen, and the conversation devolved into him complaining that they had only been intimate four times since their three-month-old was born.

While there is no officially required waiting period for intercourse after giving birth, the Mayo Clinic recommends waiting until after a medical appointment to check the woman's health, as discharge, tears, dryness, pain and low sexual desire are all common postpartum symptoms.

Reddit users assured the woman that, in their opinion, she was not in the wrong, with many concerned about the fact they had been intimate several times so soon after the birth, and one writing he was "not painting himself in a pretty light here, at all."

Also commenting on the post, which has 8,100 upvotes and 7,000 comments, one urged the new mom: "You need to really think about if you want your daughter to be raised in a house where her father treats her mother badly.

"Remember that kids learn what is acceptable behavior in relationships by watching what their parents do. Is this the kind of relationship that you would want your daughter to have?"

Another worried: "This is impossible to live like this! Why are you with him? Did he even understand that he became a father or was he gaming through the birth of the baby?"

And as one person summarized: "He's not pulling his weight as a partner and father. OP's exhausted, sleep-deprived, and in pain. With zero support from hubby.

"He sees her struggling but won't step up. And he still has the gall to complain about not getting sex? And then sics his gaming flying monkeys after OP [Original poster]? Dude's the lowest of the low. OP should start working on an exit plan."

If you have a similar family dilemma, send an email to life@newsweek.com with your first name and general location. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.