Bethany Meyers was paying for groceries when she noticed the cashier checking out her baby bump.
Meyers and her partner, “Younger” actor Nico Tortorella, who share 15-month-old daughter Kilmer, will welcome their second child in the fall.
“She asked me, ‘When are you due?’ And I said, ‘October 12th,’ and then right away, she goes, ‘Oh! I just had someone in here — she’s due in August and she’s only gained three pounds,’” Meyers tells TODAY.com.
"It was jarring," she adds. "Did I really need to hear that?"
Later that day, Meyers shared the story with her followers on Instagram.
“I’ll let everyone in on a not-so-secret secret, anyone who is pregnant or just had a baby is being constantly reminded of their weight whether or not they want to be constantly reminded of their weight,” Meyers captioned her video.“Doctor’s visits, apps, articles, books, social media … not even the grocery store is safe!”
“There were several comments that were like, ‘People are so rude.’ I don’t think the person at checkout was being rude. It didn’t come from a bad place,” Meyers says. “I just think as a society we’re programmed to comment on bodies — especially pregnant bodies.”
It’s a topic Meyers discusses in her book, “I Am More Than My Body,” about healing from an eating disorder through body neutrality. The body neutrality movement focuses on appreciating function more than appearance.
“I literally wrote a book about body neutrality and sometimes find myself having to take a pause when I’m with a pregnant person,” Meyers says. “We’re just so ingrained to talk about the way they look."
As an example, she points to an interaction she had with a neighbor just hours after the supermarket incident.
"She was like, 'You can't even tell you're pregnant from the back,'" Meyers says. "Maybe that would boost somebody — but I can't handle anymore comments about my body. I'm just trying to grow a human without my feet falling off."
Instead of focusing on physicalities, Meyers suggests "focusing on the energy and well-being" of the mom.
"I always appreciate the simple 'you’re glowing' or 'you’re going to be a wonderful mother.' Even 'What a lucky baby,” is unique and never fails to make me smile," she says. "But going beyond compliments, little acts of kindness go a long way for those who are expecting — especially during these summer months. Hold the door open, offer to take the shopping cart back, provide a cold drink of water or offer your seat when you can!"
In the comments on Meyers's Instagram post, people shared their own stories.
- “'Congrats! When are you due?' Thanks!! In three months!' 'Oh… You look bigger than that.' It was a teenage boy so … you know."
- "I would get comments from different people on the same day, some commenting how huge I was — making me worry I’d gained too much — and some commenting on how tiny I was — making me worry my baby wasn’t growing properly."
- "I’m 6 months postpartum and just had my checkout person in the grocery store say, 'ooooh, when are you due?!' I wanted to make her not feel bad so I said, 'awww I actually already gave birth to a squish 9lb boy' and she paused and said ... 'Ohhh, so this is what’s LEFT.'"
After giving birth to Kilmer in 2023, Meyers posted a video about what you should say to a postpartum mom.
"I know everyone means well but ya’ll I promise, every new mom is already thinking about their body enough — we don’t need anyone else to do it for us!" Meyers wrote. "Instead of saying 'you look great,' swap it out for 'you’re an awesome mom' or better yet, 'what can I help with' I promise, it’s the thing we actually want to hear!"
