This story discusses child sexual abuse. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call 800-656-4673 to reach the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. You can also visit the Child Help Hotline for additional support.
NOT TOO LONG AGO, Drake Bell found himself at a crossroads. The former Nickelodeon child star was faced with a decision: Was he ready to open up about the darkest part of his past — a chapter he says he kept inside for many years like a “ball of tar” — to the audience that watched him grow up on their televisions?
He thought about this while in rehab in 2023. When he considered whether to share what he’d been through, or to keep his past shrouded in secrecy, he thought of his 3-year-old son: “I could’ve either allowed this to destroy me, or make me stronger for him.”
“What’s the story that he’s going to get?” he asked himself. “Is somebody else going to tell him my story, or am I going to be around to tell him and share my story?”
By now, most know the choice that Bell had made. In March, Bell publicly identified himself as a survivor of child sexual abuse during his years as a Nickelodeon mainstay in the late 1990s and early 2000s. That month, Bell shared his story in the Investigation Discovery docuseries “Quiet on Set: The Darker Side of Kids TV.” And since then, he has had time to sit in its aftermath and impact.
Now, he’s settled in an office chair across from NBC News’ Kate Snow for an exclusive TODAY interview, his first on a broadcast since the release of “Quiet on Set.” It’s a rainy, cloudy day in New York City, and Bell looks pensive in a plaid suit as he takes in the bright lights and cameras. The room falls silent as Bell describes his feelings about taking part in the documentary.
“I went home thinking, ‘What have I done?’” Bell recalls. “‘Now the world’s going to know this. How are they going to receive it?’”
“When you’re holding it inside, it’s a constant battle with your mind of, ‘Is this my fault? Why did this happen to me? What was taken away from me? Am I going to be desired? … Has that part of me been broken? Has that part of me been taken away from me?’” he says.
But later, Bell’s eyes rim with tears as he revisits his motivation to open up in the first place: his son, whom he shares with ex-wife Janet Von Schmeling. He speaks slowly as he recounts a story from his son’s last birthday party, when he covered his arm in temporary tattoos to mimic his father’s own ink. “Look, Dada. I want to be just like you,” his 3-year-old had told him.
“It just resonates,” he says. “These decisions are no longer for myself. The decisions that I make in my life, moving forward, are no longer for me.”
“QUIET ON SET” PREMIERED March 17, with its five episodes detailing allegations of toxic environments on Nickelodeon sets in the 1990s and early 2000s. Bell became a topic of national headlines after he disclosed in the third episode that he was the unnamed minor in a 2003 case against a Nickelodeon acting and dialogue coach, Brian Peck.
Peck pleaded no contest to two charges: lewd or lascivious acts with a 14- or 15-year-old child and oral copulation with a minor under 16, according to a case summary from Los Angeles County Superior Court. He served more than a year in jail, in addition to the requirement to register as a sex offender.
When Bell revealed himself in March as the plaintiff in Peck’s 2003 case, Nickelodeon said in a statement to NBC News: “We are dismayed and saddened to learn of the trauma he has endured, and we commend and support the strength required to come forward.”
Peck’s attorney in the 2003 case has not returned NBC News’ requests for comment.
In “Quiet on Set,” Bell didn’t describe the acts he endured, but called them “unspeakable” crimes. “Why don’t you think of the worst stuff that a person could do to somebody as a sexual assault, and that will answer your question,” he said.
During his conversation with Snow, the air feels like it is sucked out of the room when Bell begins to detail his encounters with Peck. He takes a pause to think about his words.
“The things that were happening to me were so — it’s a big word — but gruesome,” Bell says. “Not only is it really difficult to speak about and to put into words, but I’m also not really in an environment where I think (the documentary producers) would want to put that on national television.”
“It’s too graphic,” he summarizes.
Bell then references a portion of “Quiet on Set” when former “All That” cast member Kyle Sullivan described a painting of a clown he saw in Peck’s home during a cast party. The painting was from John Wayne Gacy, known as the “Killer Clown,” who raped, tortured and murdered at least 33 young men and boys in the 1970s. Sullivan said the painting was signed, “From your good friend, John Wayne Gacy,” which Bell corroborates to Snow.
“Things were happening to me in a room, where there’s a painting by one of the most prolific serial killers who preyed on young boys, staring at me,” Bell tells Snow. “So that puts into my mind, ‘How far is this really going to go? How far can this go?’”
He adds, “The fear goes into, ‘Am I going to make it out of this room?’”
“You were worried for your life,” Snow says.
“Of course. That’s the only way to put it,” Bell responds.
AS A HOUSEHOLD NAME thanks to Nickelodeon’s “The Amanda Show” and “All That,” and later as one of the two leads in the comedy “Drake & Josh,” Bell’s story received significant attention. The five episodes of “Quiet on Set” broke a record for streaming giant Max when more than 1.25 billion viewing minutes were logged between March 18-24, according to Nielsen. But the documentary also included interviews with other former performers on the channel, and renewed conversations about the treatment of child stars in film and television.
Dan Schneider, a Nickelodeon executive behind some of the network’s biggest shows from the late 1990s to the early 2010s, is a central figure discussed in “Quiet on Set.” Some cast and crew members who worked on Schneider’s shows alleged in the documentary he created hostile work environments on his sets, and purposefully added sexual innuendos into children’s TV shows.
In 2018, Nickelodeon said it was parting ways with Schneider. The network’s parent company, ViacomCBS, had investigated Schneider’s behavior in 2017 and found many employees viewed him as verbally abusive, The New York Times reported in 2021. The Times said the review found no evidence of sexual misconduct by Schneider. Schneider declined to comment on the investigation in an interview with the Times but denied he left Nickelodeon on bad terms. “I took a break to take care of a lot of stuff that I’d let go by the wayside for decades,” he told the Times.
Shortly after the documentary debuted, Schneider released a lengthy statement addressing the allegations made in the series.
“Dan has said himself that he was a tough boss to work for and if he could do things over again he would act differently,” a representative for Schneider said in a statement to NBC News on March 18. “But let’s be clear, when Dan departed Nickelodeon a full investigation was done and again, what was found is that he was a challenging, tough, and at times inappropriate and demanding person to work for and with, nothing else.”
Schneider apologized for his decades-long behavior on his sets in an interview on his YouTube channel one day later on March 19, and said he could “see the hurt in some people’s eyes” while watching “Quiet on Set,” which made him feel “awful and regretful and sorry.”
Bell and Schneider worked together on shows like “Drake & Josh” and “The Amanda Show.” Bell tells Snow he has spoken to Schneider and that he didn’t personally have any problems with the producer when he worked with him.
“It’s really hard to see all of these stories coming out and reading all of this. It’s a difficult situation,” Bell says. “I don’t know if it was what I was going through at the time — maybe, a lot of times, I was not seeing other things around me. But the set, for me, when I wasn’t experiencing things with (Peck), was my escape. And I felt at home.”
On May 1, less than two months after the release of “Quiet on Set,” Schneider sued the creators of the documentary for defamation, alleging its episodes “repeatedly state or imply that Schneider is a child sexual abuser.” The doc’s creators did not respond to NBC News’ request for comment.
In a statement to NBC News, Schneider apologized for his behavior during his early career as a producer, but said the documentary “went beyond reporting the truth and falsely implied that I was involved in or facilitated horrific crimes.”
His relationship with Schneider aside, Bell tells Snow that he doesn’t believe, even today, that there are enough protections for working children on film and TV sets. He suggests productions hire a trained professional to work with and advocate for child actors, like a social worker or mental health expert with no ties to the production, in addition to a set teacher.
Knowing what he knows about working as a child in Hollywood, Snow asks Bell if he’d let his child pursue a career in TV as he did. He takes his time responding.
“It’s so hard to just immediately say no, because even though I endured unspeakable things, there were such amazing moments, there were such amazing experiences,” he says.
“I struggle with the bad. But then, the good that I’ve experienced and the way that entertainment touches lives, and how we’re moved by the stories that we tell and that we hear and that we watch,” he adds. “It’s a very fine line.”
BELL HIMSELF IS NOT without his own legal troubles. In December 2015, he was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving in Los Angeles, police said. Bell pleaded no contest and was sentenced to 96 hours in jail and four years of probation, according to the Los Angeles Times. (Bell was also convicted in 2010 for another DUI arrest in San Diego, E! News reported.)
Bell’s ex-girlfriend Melissa Lingafelt accused Bell of physical and verbal abuse during their relationship in the 2000s in a TikTok she posted in August 2020. (The TikTok has since been deleted.) Bell denied Lingafelt’s accusations in a statement at the time to NBC News.
And in July 2021, Bell was sentenced to two years of probation after he pleaded guilty to attempted child endangerment and disseminating matter harmful to juveniles, stemming from accusations from a minor who alleged Bell had sent her graphic photos and had “groomed” her since she was 12.
“My life hasn’t been the same since I was 15,” the woman, then 19, said during Bell’s sentencing hearing. “I think about these crimes every single day. I feel like I’m in a constant dark place.”
The judge had said at the hearing that while Bell’s guilty plea involved “serious allegations,” “they do not involve sexual relations.” He added, “However, a grown man does not engage in inappropriate text messages to a teenager.”
Bell addresses that plea deal when speaking with Snow. He says he was at first not aware of her age.
“Nothing happened in person or anything like that,” he says. “But I had been, in the past, exchanging messages from somebody.”
“It got to a place, where there were some messages that shouldn’t have been exchanged,” he adds. “And that’s why I (pleaded) guilty. But once the age was revealed, that’s when I stopped communication — I blocked her on everything.”
Snow questions Bell about this situation during their conversation.
“It could sound to some people like a contradiction, that you’re speaking out about your own past and trying to help other children avoid being abused, and yet you pleaded guilty to doing something with a younger girl,” she says.
“Of course. But I also think that there is a picture that a lot of people are painting of a cycle of abuse,” he replies. “‘Oh, well, he did to someone else what has been done to him.’”
He considers that a “difficult parallel to make.”
He adds, “I should never have engaged with anybody online, even if I knew what their age was. Anything like that … absolutely should not have happened. But it’s a very difficult parallel to make, between that and what I endured at 14 years old, the physical abuse that I went through, the things that (Peck) had done to me, over, and over, and over, and how dark it got.”
In April 2023, Bell had been briefly reported as “missing and endangered” by the Daytona Beach Sheriff’s Department. A few hours later, the department had posted an update that Bell was safe and in contact with officers.
Bell tells Snow the brief disappearance occurred right before he entered rehab.
“I think that lashing out is a symptom of the trauma,” Bell says of the incident. “I think what was happening then was — and this is not a good thing — but I think that there was something in me that wanted (my family) to understand what I was feeling at that time. I just started saying all of these things, and I regret this, but trying to make them feel how I was feeling.”
He adds, “I don’t want to say to hurt them, but, at least, to make them feel my pain.”
ENTERING REHAB IN 2023 was a defining moment for Bell, not only in his decision to follow through with sharing his story in “Quiet on Set,” but also in his journey to finding clarity in what happened in his past.
“For the first time I felt, ‘Wow, I’m not alone in this,’” he tells Snow. “Then I just started feeling more comfortable and also seeing it through a completely sober lens — being able to go face to face with this darkness that I’ve tried to block out for so long, whether it be mentally or substances or whatever it was.”
Outside of therapy, Bell also found kinship in another person from his past. Since the release of “Quiet on Set,” Bell says he has connected with his ex-girlfriend from his teenage years, Gillian, and her mother. In the documentary, he said Gillian’s mom questioned his relationship with Peck and led to him opening up with his family about the abuse.
“When the documentary came out, (Gillian) called me, and she was just bawling. She was like, ‘Finally,’” he recalls.
“It’s one thing for somebody to reach out and say, ‘Wow, I didn’t know this. I’m so proud of you. I’m in your corner,’” Bell says. “But to have somebody who was there in the thick of it, and saw everything going on and saw the trajectory of what happened to me. … As much as a weight has been lifted for me, I really feel that from (Gillian) also.”
“She had a lot of emotion attached to this that she was working, dealing with through all these years,” he adds. “She saw the change from that innocent, vulnerable, young boy that when we started dating. … And she was angry and saw what was taken away from me.”
Through therapy, rehab and discussions with other survivors of abuse, Bell says he has been able to reclaim what happened to him as a “superpower.” In the wake of “Quiet on Set’s” release, Bell has leaned into his new music, which he says is his version of journaling and “getting things out.”
The video for his single “I Kind of Relate,” from his upcoming sixth studio album, is his “most personal” video that he’s released, he says. It shows a man following a young child into a trailer on set, and later, Bell getting into a car accident and also in a group therapy session, while he sings the lines, “I know I was wrong, but I’m going to make it right.”
“I just had to get this stuff out, and that’s what was coming out of me,” he tells Snow of his writing process. “All of this stuff about my past and my trauma and my history, and wrong decisions I’ve made in my life.”
Bell, who released his first record in 2005, says he’s always released his music from a personal place, and now that he has shared his story, his fans are revisiting his older music.
“I think a lot of fans are going back now listening to those lyrics and going, ‘Oh, my gosh, he’s screaming from the mountain tops and this is how he’s getting it out,’” he adds.
Bell says he is set to star in a musical called “Sálvame” in Mexico, where he currently lives, later this summer, and also has tour dates lined up in the U.S., Europe and Latin America. He shares that he hopes to get back into TV and film eventually, possibly venturing into directing and producing. Also on the docket: an autobiography. He says he doesn’t have a book deal just yet, but does have a working title: “I Found a Way,” the same name of the theme song Bell sang and wrote for “Drake & Josh.”
And Bell has found a way — his way — through his dark chapters. While sharing with Snow how he’s now able to go back and talk to his younger self experiencing “unspeakable” things, he wipes away tears.
“I’m able to go back to him and hold him,” he says. “‘You’re going to have tribulation, you’re going to have triumph, and you’re going to have tribulation again. But just know that we get through it. I’m here to tell you, we get through it. And now I’m in a place where I can go back and I can hold your hand and I can walk you through the fire. And we get out on the other side.’”
EDITOR’S NOTE (May 20, 2:35 p.m.): This story has been edited to reflect that Brian Peck pleaded no contest to his charges.
