They need to start recording what happens in the Lyfts these people take because this is now the second weekend in a row that Carl and Lindsay have gone all Itchy and Scratchy on each other in the back of a rideshare, and we have absolutely no footage of it. How are we going to be able to judge if Carl was being aggressive? How will we know if Lindsay asked, “Are you on something?” or “Did you smoke weed?” How will we know which one of these people can accurately use the word “gaslight”? We’ll never get answers, except to that last question, which is neither of them because no one who uses the word gaslight uses it accurately.
It starts after a cast dinner where Lindsay calls for a toast to say that she’s enjoying the camaraderie of the season so far, and she thanks the new boys for bringing “boy energy” back into the house. Yes! This season of Summer House has been excellent so far, thanks to our two new additions: West and Jesse Solomon (always both names!). It’s so cute that they’re really friends, that they’ve slotted in with Carl and Kyle’s bromance seamlessly, and that there is a cute, low-stakes romance brewing between West and Ciara. They’re bringing excellent vibes, and I look forward to seeing everyone every Thursday. Now, if only they’d make Reese and Ryder, Kyle and Amanda’s dogs, officially “friends of” and had them out every other weekend, then the roster really would be complete.
Speaking of West and Ciara, this is a good episode for them. He tells everyone in the car that they made out with tongue, and Ciara repeats this in the kitchen to the girls, which leads Lindsay to have the weirdest, longest, unmoving-est kiss with Gabby I’ve ever seen in my itty bitty life. Who gives a long peck like that? Ew, David. It’s like rubbing noses instead of kissing, but a million times pervier. After their first night out, West goes into Ciara’s room for a cuddle and make out but then leaves her room when it’s time to sleep. He’s nice, he’s respectful, he doesn’t beg to stay and try to get it in. Our West is totally a bro, but he is also a gentleman.
Ciara’s problem is that he keeps telling everyone their business, but I interpret it the same way Amanda does. He’s so excited that he’s landed a girl as cool and stunning as Ciara, and he wants everyone to know about it. I don’t think he would give away her secrets secrets, but I think keeping people updated on their forward progress is absolutely legit, especially because that is what they’re getting paid for. I really hope these two find a way to make it work because I can’t wait for them to get married, have some kids, move to L.A., and join season six of The Valley.
Aside from Kyle asking Amanda to go back to couple’s therapy and her saying no, I think we got all the major stuff out of the way, and now we can just focus on Lindsay and Carl, the drama that is underpinning (and really uplifting) what is turning out to be a season with the perfect balance of fun and conflict. Which one do you think Lindsay is bringing? Nope, it’s never the fun.
After dinner, we see Carl and Lindsay return home, and Amanda, who did an Irish exit from dinner so she wouldn’t have to see Kyle embarrassing himself in public for the eighth summer in a row, is padding around in her anti-acne mask. She made the mistake of leaving her room for some cereal right as the Bickerson’s return from the Lyft Ride From Hell 2: Curly’s Revenge. Damn it, now Amanda is never going to get out of bed ever again.
We get two versions of the story in the car. Carl says that he initially wanted to go out with the group but then changed his mind because he was tired. He says Lindsay kept pestering him about why he wanted to leave and asking him to explain himself. After being interrogated he says he asked her how many drinks she had. He says she then said, “What are you on?” which brings us back to last weekend’s fight, where she accused him of being aggressive and on drugs.
“Car Ride (Lindsay’s Version)” is very different. (And much like Taylor’s Version of every song, I believe it is born a little bit from spite.) She says that in the car, she asked Carl a simple question about why he was going home, and he freaked out and got aggressive with her. “Picking, picking, picking,” is the way she describes it. She says she then asked, not “What are you on?” but “Have you smoked weed tonight?” That’s when Carl freaked out on her further, and it was not her fault. As the two tear into each other back at the house, Lindsay tells Carl that he’s the world’s biggest gaslighter and says, “You’re worse than Sandoval right now.” I love that little Tommy Sandoval is now the bar by which all bad boyfriends are measured.
Which of these stories should we believe? The truth is usually somewhere in the middle, but I don’t know about this one. I can see a world in which Carl did get aggressive with Lindsay, but I say that in the same way that I say, “I can see a world in which Kate Middleton is healing calmly at home and is not missing,” in that, I can imagine it to be true, but I don’t actually believe it. We’ve seen Carl be terrible and aggressive, yes, but in the past few years, when he’s been fighting with Lindsay, we’ve seen him be much more sarcastic and passive-aggressive than we’ve seen him try to shout her down.
Lindsay, on the other hand, we’ve watched wage war with every partner she’s had for years. We’ve seen her have some really dirty fights. I mean, how many sandwiches have any of us ever made for Lindsay? Lindsay doesn’t think anything is her fault and is often wrong, but that doesn’t mean she’s wrong in this instance. However, I think she might be. The editors went out of their way to show just how much Lindsay was drinking that night, and the only thing worse than a sober Lindsay scorned is a drunk Lindsay scorned. You know that scene in Oppenheimer where they’re afraid if they set off the bomb that it’s going to cause the oxygen in the air to ignite, and it’s going to set the whole planet on fire? Well, that’s what happens when you make drunk Lindsay mad — planetary destruction.
Just based on what we know of these two historically, I’m going to believe Carl a little bit more than I’m going to blame Lindsay. They sleep in separate bedrooms again, which is their second weekend in a row doing that. Remember, this is only their second weekend in the house. The whole next morning, they avoid each other, and Lindsay goes to talk to Amanda, of all people, about the situation. Amanda is actually pretty great at the moment and asks Lindsay what starts all these fights. Lindsay says it’s Carl questioning her alcohol intake, which makes her “question what he’s doing.” I’m with Carl on this one. I don’t think it’s about Lindsay drinking; it’s about Lindsay getting so drunk that she becomes belligerent. I don’t think he cares if she gets a little bit tipsy, but the level of obliterated we are witnessing, where she calls him a “terrorist,” seems a little bit much for anyone, especially a sober person, to deal with.
Even more telling is Carl’s conversation with the boys about what is happening. Jesse Solomon asks, “You knew her for all of these years; has she always been like that?” Carl says, “Um, kinda.” Kinda? Kinda?! Um, yes, she has. This is Lindsay. This is who she is and always has been. That’s like Jesse asking, “Has an alligator ever bitten anyone’s hand off?” and Carl saying, “Kinda.”
The whole crew goes to some outdoor corn hole bar in the sweltering heat, and finally, Lindsay and Carl take a short walk off a long pier and have the fight that has been brewing all day. The problem is that neither of them can agree on the facts. Carl says that Lindsay was swearing at him and raising her voice. Lindsay says that Carl is “changing the narrative,” which is what you say when you know you can’t win an argument but need something to get you out of it. What is the narrative, and how is he changing it? It sounds like they have both decided on their individual narratives.
It comes down to the real question. Lindsay asks Carl if he smokes weed. He says yes. “Okay, so then why is [asking if he smoked weed/is on something] hurtful to you? It’s confusing.” Here, it sounds like Lindsay is saying that Carl shouldn’t be mad when Lindsay asks if he is on drugs because he’s still using drugs. It’s almost like she’s saying his whole sobriety journey is bullshit because he enjoys a little bit of the devil’s lettuce. (Remember last season, Mya wanted to toke up with Carl, which got between her and Lindsay.) As a fellow California sober, I think this is totally unfair. Carl really has worked to turn his life around (now, if only he could get a job!), and Lindsay using his weed smoking to get away with her bad behavior while drinking seems cruel.
Lindsay says, “It’s okay for you to judge me for drinking, but it’s not okay for me to ask you if you smoked weed?” She’s missing the point entirely. First of all, she’s not in recovery, and she should know how damaging it is to accuse Carl of using drugs, which is what she’s doing. Second, he’s not judging the drinking; he’s judging how she acts on it. Third, last weekend, she was saying that Carl was being aggressive like “old Carl.” (i.e., Cocaine Carl, which I believe is Tequila Katie’s mean younger brother.) So does she think he’s aggressive when he’s on coke, or is he aggressive on weed, too? Both her story and the target seem to keep moving so that Lindsay can stay exonerated and Carl can do absolutely nothing right.
As he raises his voice in frustration, she says, “Well, if you could lower your voice …” This is a classic tactic of the totally wrong. If you can’t debate the merits, just debate how the person is speaking to you. This is the same as, “If you will let me finish …” These are procedural tactics to delay the inevitability of admitting you’re wrong and apologizing.
As the two retire to their separate corners, Carl is comforted by Amanda and Jesse Solomon, and Lindsay goes to … Kyle McGill Cooke. This is an interesting choice. Well, she initially walked over to Kyle and Danielle, who wanted to be in this conversation about as much as your lecherous uncle wants to be at sexual harassment training. Kyle tells Lindsay that last weekend she was acting irrationally and that’s what Carl has a problem with. Of course, Lindsay does not want to hear this. Carl tells Amanda that Lindsay is twisting the story around and making it into something it’s not. In another “Kinda” moment, Amanda says they all know that she did that but that it’s harder for a lover and a partner. You gotta give Amanda props for a very elegant way of saying, “No doy, Carl,” right to his very handsome face.
When everyone gets home, Lindsay talks to Gabby, who questions whether or not these two should get married in a few months if they’re fighting like this. Lindsay takes a runner, heading straight for the front door, straight for the driveway, straight for the too-nice patch of lawn in front of their house, straight for the gate at the end of the driveway, straight for the two-lane highway that sits at their curb, straight for freedom, straight for air, straight for the hum of the cars and the honking of the boats, straight for the cooling, sticky summer air, straight for something that seems like solace, seems like escape, seems like safety. It’s unclear if she found any of that.
